Naughty sounding questions asked at hardware store...

[Bill]

I once worked in a hardware/lumber store and heard some funny questions asked at times, mostly by women....

Where is your caulk?

I need some caulk.

Where can I find a stud?

Guy asking new female cashier: Where are your nipples? (small pipe) Female cashier gets ticked off.

Old lady comes in, tells young female cashier up front she needs a screw, so female cashier walks her to back of store. Then female cashier standing behind lady says "Bill, this lady needs a screw. Can you help her?"

Lady says she needs a plug. I say "male or female?" She says "What's the difference?" Me (blushing): "Well I'll just show you." (I show her male and female plug.) Lady (now blushing too): "Oh I get it!"

Guy comes in and asks female cashier if she has a "6 inch hole saw". Guys standing around crack up laughing, cashier wonders why they are all laughing.

Others?

[Mikepier]

That's funny. I work as a maintenance mechanic in an office building and I had a screwdriver and pliers on my belt . One of the secretary's I guess wanted to borrow my screwdriver for a second so she says " Can I borrow your tool?" I said "Which one?" She says " the long one" I said " Well, they're both long., so I'll give you both". We both started laughing, as well as the other women in the office.

[Stretch]

I was working at a factory up north and needed a small cardboard box to put some small parts in. as i went through an office area with my hands full of parts, a secretary asked what I needed. I said I wished I had a small box. She said "Me too!". I turned red and left the area. I was about 16 at the time, I would guess she was about 50.

Stretch

[No]

There used to a a bob the builder web site. Bob The Builder is a kids show/cartoon that follows a handyman named bob, bob has a friend wendy whom he helps with projects. Other friends are a tractor and other talking tools.

There was a game my kids found on the bob the builder web site. I think its long gone. put the game involved putting together pieces of pipe before the water could run out the end of the pipe.

The lable for this game BOB LAYS PIPE AT WENDY'S.

I still laugh out loud when I think oif that one!

Lets see, here are some other words that can be used to elicit a chuckle. hammer nail nipple union pipe tool nuts rod flapper "pee" trap dikes

[Tim Fischer]

Nice work if you can get it...

-Tim

[Charlie Bress]

A neighbor's daughter, just out of high school, got a job at a local factory.

When she got home that night when asked what the job consisted of she announced, " They pay me for screwing all day"

Charlie

[PanHandler]

And did she show you her nipples?

[Red Cloud©]

An embarrassed girl quietly asked the checkout lady if they had more tampax in the warehouse, because the shelf was empty.

Much to the girl's horror, the checkout lady switched on a microphone and yelled to the warehouse clerk over the store's PA system, "Hey Charley, do you have a case of Tampax back there for this girl?"

The girl is now beet red, and wishing she was anywhere but in that store.

Meanwhile back in the warehouse, Charley was about 80 years old and couldn't hear very well. He thought she had asked for a case of "Tacks". He switched on his microphone and yelled back, "Do you mean the kind you push in with your thumb, or the kind you drive in with a hammer?"

rusty redcloud

[tsunamisam]

crank yankers (comedy central) called a home improvement store and asked if they had caulk. Then asked the difference between white and colored. The follow up to that was what does it taste like? And the puppet said "Gee I don't know hold on a minute" and stuck the tube in his mouth. we still joke @ the job site when someone asks where is the caulk? Someone always chuckles "what does it taste like?"

[Sherman]

I did the nipples thing last week.

As soon as I walked in the door of my local hardware store, the heavy female sales clerk says in a loud voice, "Can I help you find something?".

I said in an equally loud voice, "I want to see your nipples". She grinned and headed to the back with me.

[David Martel]

Naw, you don't get paid an hourly wage. It's piece work.

Dave M.

[Dan]

I asked my ex-wife to go to the local hardware store for a half-inch female sill c*ck. She though it was a joke and refused. "females don't have them" she said. I had to write her a note to give to the clerk before she would go for it!

Dan

[Paul Franklin]

My favorite story along these lines....

Years ago I worked for a small electronics company.

We occasionally bought stuff from an electrical supplier named Graybar Electric. The secretary (who happened to be the bosses wife) always called them gaybar.

One day I wrote up a purchase requisition to Graybar for one of those telephone block punch down tools used to insert wires into the terminal blocks. It happens that it was manufactured by Siemens.

I handed the req to Sally so she could place the order. She read over what I had written and said "Seems appropriate to order a s**en insertion tool from gaybar".

Still chuckling,

Paul

[Sherman]

Sure, and they were 1 inch long.

[Mike O'Donnell]

Years ago there was an electrical supply company called "Hughes-Peters". One of the secretaries at our office never quite understood the name and it showed one day when a co-worker received an order.

One day over the PA system we hear... "Steve, you have a Hugh Peters delivery in the front lobby". Took her a while to figure out why everyone was laughing...

Mike O.

[D. J. MCBRIDE]

This is slightly off the hardware topic but allegedly true . . .

Last Testimony: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[RicodJour]

In case you haven't run across thes airport PA announcement pranks:

R

[G Henslee]

Surpised? Why? It's stupid and makes little sense considering the topic.

Just like all of your dufus posts.

[David Starr]

About 25 years ago, I worked the graveyard shift - 11pm to 7:30am. The plant has a paging system so if, for example, you needed an electrician at the #4 electron beam welder, you picked up a sound-powered phone and told the person doing the paging what you wanted. They would page "Electrician to #4 EB welder". It's pretty efficient; you don't have to go looking for the person you need. Just have them paged & they'll come to the job.

Anyway, a person new in the plant was filling in doing the paging one night. This person didn't know people's names, or machine names, so she just repeated through the PA whatever was requested. After a couple pages for coffee pot repair, some people got more creative. We started hearing pages for .....

Jack Mehoff Hugh Jardon Harry Bush report to the Long Wang etc.

After about 15 minutes of this, she finally caught on, and we heard "Jack Mehoff, Jack me....AWW SHIT!"

Sophomoric perhaps, but at 3:30am, what do you want?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Retired Shop Rat: 14,647 days in a GM plant. Now I can do what I enjoy: Large Format Photography

Web Site:

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[Amun]

Surprised this thread went on so long with no one mentioning electricians working with conduit needing,......

......WIRE PULLING LUBRICANT

AMUN