O yes beutiful Snow

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window

watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a

Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love

snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering

every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more

lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever

had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did

both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came

along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to

shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a

white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have

so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.

I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our

neighbor.

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to

-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,

but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l

didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll

certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.

Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the

freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I

think that's silly.

We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the

driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour.

Which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay

warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I

hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own

living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff

last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by

twice. Tried to find a neighborhood kid to shovel, but they said they're

too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware

store around to see about

buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in

March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will

have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches

of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till

August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and

then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.

I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck

for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole

is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees. The

wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is

she nuts!!!

Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I

think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch

who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I

know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and

then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all

over where I've just shoveled! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas

carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the

goddamn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !3D@x@!x!x1 slop

tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate

the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit

him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I

think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more

time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?

It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to minus 30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is

driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it

could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he

think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million

Dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep

giving me. Why? I am I tied to the F-cking bed! You know they that

to some people that go nuts.

M'I nut you be the Judge

"Stay warm and be healthy"

Tony_s

Reply to
Old and Grunpy
Loading thread data ...

We all have different experiences with snow. Last week a couple of people knocked on my door and offered to clean my driveway for 25 bucks. I paid them in advance, and after about 15 minutes, I looked out the window and saw them just standing there doing nothing. I took a picture of them, and posted it here:

formatting link
be careful of people trying to take advantage of you. what a racket.

Reply to
Fartikus

Only an idiot would pay in advance.

~ "If you don't bend over, you don't get f***ed in the ass"

Reply to
HVAC

You failed to click the link, didn't you ?

Reply to
.p.jm

On Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:34:59 -0500, .p.jm@see_my_sig_for_address.com left spaces for comments ):

Too late, its been removed for a policy violation. Sounds like tub girl.

Reply to
The King

click that link and you may get a virus.....The clap. ;-)

Reply to
Alexander

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