I was chatting up this girl once. Where was she from, then? "asdfqerhkjh."
"?" "Kwernkjl;q." "?" "Dwqwerjkl." "?!?!" I'm totally not getting it. Ah,
it's in South America. It's right next to brassiere. "?!?!"
Has this done the rounds yet? apologies if it's reall old news
Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos.
No electricity for 26 minutes. 'This is our Tsunami.'
By Joshua Gates, Actor, Photographer. Victim.
LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 - Horror and disbelief swept through the
greater Hollywood area this afternoon as a minor power-outage turned the
city into a virtual war zone and local residents struggled to deal with the
The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L.A.'s busy afternoon coffee and
Pilates rush hour. Traffic lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi
restaurants were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many businesses
were illuminated only by the light of the sun and its blistering 78 degree
heat. "It was horrible," said out of work actor and voice-over artist Rick
Shea. "I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose when it hit and the blenders simply
shut down. A woman lunged for my Berry Lime Sublime an after that, well, it
got pretty ugly."
In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcasted conflicting reports
as to exactly which local businesses would be offering relief supplies.
Almost 100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica and La Brea only
to find helpless baristas, no hot coffee and a totally meager selection of
"My mother is 83 years old and we heard on the radio that this Starbucks was
going to be up and running. If she doesn't get a venti Arabian Mocha Sanani,
I don't know what's going to happen to her, I really don't." said Lucinda
Merino of Los Feliz.
To make matters worse, those few people who did manage to get coffee were
further thwarted by a total lack of artificial sweeteners on site. "Sugar in
the Raw? Are you frigging kidding me?," sobbed avid salsa dancer, Enrique
Santoro. "I'm on the South Beach Diet and my insulin levels are going to go
crazy if I use this. Why isn't the rest of the country doing something?"
Deteriorating conditions will force authorities to evacuate the thousands of
people at local Quiznos, movie theaters and upscale shopping centers,
including the The Beverly Center, where a policeman told CNN unrest was
escalating. The officer expressed concern that the situation could worsen
overnight after patrons defaced multiple "So You Think you Can Dance"
posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free makeovers en masse at a MAC
cosmetics store during the afternoon.
At least 2,000 refugees, a majority of them beautiful, will travel in a bus
convoy to Beverly Hills starting this evening and will be sheltered at the
8-year-old Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes with confit bacon and
Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted in by The National Guard.
Honorary Mayor of Hollywood Johnny Grant told a group of embedded reporters
at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken restaurant on Larchmont that, "The scope and scale
of this disaster is almost too much to comprehend. Local carwashes are at a
stand-still, the tram tour at Universal Studios has been on hold for almost
an hour now and I've been waiting for a rotisserie leg and thigh with a side
of green beans for upwards of 15 minutes. This truly is our Tsunami."
"We want to accommodate those people suffering in the Beverly Center as
quickly as possible for the simple reason they have been through a horrible
ordeal," Grant said.
"We need water. We need edamame. We need low-carb bread," said Martha Owens,
49 who was one of the thousands trapped in the Beverly Center when the
escalators stopped moving. "They need to start sending somebody through
Along miles of coastline, the power simply surged, causing writers to lose
upwards of a page of original screenplay material, causing Direct TV service
to work only intermittently and forcing local residents to walk outside and
look helplessly at the Pacific from their ocean view decks. "I can hardly
begin to put this experience into words," said longtime Two and a Half Men
writer John Edlestein. "I was just getting into my rhythm and making some
real headway on a scene where Charlie Sheen parties with a busload of female
volleyball players when my Power Book crapped out. I have nothing. Simply,
Delivering his weekly radio address live from the White House, President
Bush announced he was deploying more than 7,000 additional active-duty
troops to the region. He comforted victims and praised relief workers.
"But despite their best efforts, the magnitude of responding to a crisis
over a disaster area this sunny and trendy has created tremendous problems,"
he said. "The result is that many of our citizens simply are not getting the
help they need, especially in the Hollywood Hills, and that is
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