1. The Screwfix/Wickes mini catalogue becomes a permanent fixture next to
2. You spend hours in work using Word to sketch out the DIY job for that
3. You have 7 tins of WD-40 in convienent locations around the house
4. You buy things that you don't need but will look good in the toolbox
5. The DIY store staff know your first name
6. You know all of the different shades of white
7. After 6 months of light DIYing, you think installing central heating
8. You've got the tradesman's 'sucking in of air, shaking the head and
tutting' down to a tee
9. You have a tool belt
10. You know that rubbing a graphite pencil on a hinge will stop the
11. Sarah Beeny is your Pin-Up
12. The DIY book the in-laws got you for christmas remains unopened, do
they think you're a bloody amateur?!
13. You've got the plumber's, electrician's and builder's mobile numbers
in your phone in case of a DIY feck up.
14. You're suspicius of proper tradesmen
15. You have a trailer
16. You buy a router to save money on 'expensive' tongue and grooving
17. Use of the B&Q cafe is strictly prohibited, its for part-timers, not
hardcore DIYers like yourself
18. You think you don't need a spirit level. You do.
19. You have a large collection of wood in the shed, just in case.
20. You know what Denso tape is and what its used for
21. 'Discovery Home and Leisure' and 'H&L +1' are in your Sky favourites
22. Complete renovation of a cow shed doesn't faze you
23. You have a compost bin
24. Criticise professionals work in pubs and on holiday, calling them 'a
bunch of cowboys'
25. You have a tape measure in your car
26. On a two-man job, its always the other persons fault
27. You become a HSS Hire shop to all your mates
28. You stop to appreciate your handywork at least once a day
29. Your work is never done
30. You can unscrew a screw with a hammer.
(shamelessly stolen from another group)
I see. So I should get a job and think about the
scissors-problem-in-every-room theory for ten years.
Tumpty tum ...
Perhaps I'll just buy another set. That usually means that the others are
Where do lost scissors go? I once saw a calculation about needles and pins.
This sad character had found out the annual production of UK factories and
then wondered why we are not constantly falling over them.
I found a needle in the grden the other day. It was rusty so in a fit of
recklessness I put it in the dustbin. It had some black thread in it ...
perhaps I should fish it out ... a bit of WD40 and some fine emery paper ...
indeed their heavy solid aluminium and indestructible, don't spin very fast
but enough torque to lift you off your feet if it stalls.
Fabulous for mixing plaster but im not brave enough to drill anything with
It belonged to my father, ive also got some moulding planes that belonged to
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