You're not a real DIYer until --

1. The Screwfix/Wickes mini catalogue becomes a permanent fixture next to the toilet 2. You spend hours in work using Word to sketch out the DIY job for that weekend 3. You have 7 tins of WD-40 in convienent locations around the house 4. You buy things that you don't need but will look good in the toolbox 5. The DIY store staff know your first name 6. You know all of the different shades of white 7. After 6 months of light DIYing, you think installing central heating is childsplay 8. You've got the tradesman's 'sucking in of air, shaking the head and tutting' down to a tee 9. You have a tool belt 10. You know that rubbing a graphite pencil on a hinge will stop the squeak 11. Sarah Beeny is your Pin-Up 12. The DIY book the in-laws got you for christmas remains unopened, do they think you're a bloody amateur?! 13. You've got the plumber's, electrician's and builder's mobile numbers in your phone in case of a DIY feck up. 14. You're suspicius of proper tradesmen 15. You have a trailer 16. You buy a router to save money on 'expensive' tongue and grooving 17. Use of the B&Q cafe is strictly prohibited, its for part-timers, not hardcore DIYers like yourself 18. You think you don't need a spirit level. You do. 19. You have a large collection of wood in the shed, just in case. 20. You know what Denso tape is and what its used for 21. 'Discovery Home and Leisure' and 'H&L +1' are in your Sky favourites 22. Complete renovation of a cow shed doesn't faze you 23. You have a compost bin 24. Criticise professionals work in pubs and on holiday, calling them 'a bunch of cowboys' 25. You have a tape measure in your car 26. On a two-man job, its always the other persons fault 27. You become a HSS Hire shop to all your mates 28. You stop to appreciate your handywork at least once a day 29. Your work is never done 30. You can unscrew a screw with a hammer.
(shamelessly stolen from another group)
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1. - 30. Check... except for 13, I dont feck up ;-) and 12. my inlaws don't / won't buy me presents :-(
Do I get a badge for my tool belt?
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Do bookmarked on-line trade only catalogues count instead?

Back of an envelope is more professional.

Mainly because I keep forgetting where I put the last one

Do I get extra points for actually using everything in there, even the unusual stuff?

They don't even see me. The blokes in the electrical wholesalers, plumbers' merchants and builders' merchants do know me though.

Only in fluorescent lighting tubes.

I think I put my first one in when I *was* a child.

Only when there is an audience

That's what the side pockets in Army surplus trousers are for.

Even better, I know which part of the hinge to rub it on.

Who? (See 21, I think)

Everyone who knows me has learned, from long experience, never to buy me anything that looks like it may be something to do with anything I am interested in.

Not necessary. I do a better job than they would anyway.

Too true

Do I get extra points for it being a 1400kg box van trailer that will take whole 8ft x 4ft sheets?

Invaluable tool that.

What is B&Q?

I have three, one short, one long and one laser on a tripod, just to check I got things right by eye. I always have.

In the spare bedroom actually. The shed is full.

There are people who don't?

Isn't that some form of television? Who gets time to watch television?

For use by people or by cows?

and a garden incinerator

Pubs? Holidays?

Probably, somewhere, among the other useful stuff

There are jobs that need two people?

You have mates after giving them the benefit of your opinion on their DIY?

More like every day I notice that little bit that I didn't get quite right, but which nobody else would even know was wrong.

I think you mean finished

I usually put them in that way, so why not?
Colin Bignell
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On Wed, 26 Jan 2005 20:30:31 -0000, "nightjar"

In my case I leave the tin of WD40 in the shed. The next time I need to get into the shed the padlock's gone a bit rusty....
--
Frank Erskine

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In theory we have a pair of scissors in every room.
Why does Einstein's theory work and ours doesn't?
Mary

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He sat about thinking about it for ten years (most of it at work too!)
Peter Scott
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I see. So I should get a job and think about the scissors-problem-in-every-room theory for ten years.
Hmm.
Tumpty tum ...
Perhaps I'll just buy another set. That usually means that the others are found ...
Mary

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house
Where do lost scissors go? I once saw a calculation about needles and pins. This sad character had found out the annual production of UK factories and then wondered why we are not constantly falling over them.
Peter Scott
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A planet similar to the one to which biros flee?

I found a needle in the grden the other day. It was rusty so in a fit of recklessness I put it in the dustbin. It had some black thread in it ... perhaps I should fish it out ... a bit of WD40 and some fine emery paper ...
Mary

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and
...
I hope you meant recycle bin!
Peter Scott
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No sharps allowed in ours :-(
Mary

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On Sun, 30 Jan 2005 10:59:38 -0000, "Peter Scott"

Not to mention Stanley knives. And steel tape measures.
--
Frank Erskine

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wrote:

All kinds of tape measures - including rulers.
Mary

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I know I'm going to regret this, but ... I still have the Stanley knife I bought some 30 years ago.
--
"The road to Paradise is through Intercourse."
[email me at huge [at] huge [dot] org [dot] uk]
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On Sun, 30 Jan 2005 12:54:12 UTC, snipped-for-privacy@ukmisc.org.uk (Huge) wrote:

One of the good old ones, I guess. Mine is only 25 years old...but I have the Stanley hand drill I bought 40 years ago...I think it is the only tool that has survived that long!
--
Bob Eager
begin a new life...dump Windows!
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I still have a Stanley pump-action screwdriver of the same vintage.
I also have some of my grandfather's plumbing tools, but I can't count those because I've only had them about 15 years.
--
"The road to Paradise is through Intercourse."
[email me at huge [at] huge [dot] org [dot] uk]
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Huge snipped-for-privacy@ukmisc.org.uk typed:

Ouch Yankee screwdrivers need a safety warning as Huge as a chainsaw. Im still using a Wolf elec drill from c1950, excellent plaster mixer.
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Oh, I haven't used it for years. The B&D leccy screwdriver is still going strong after some 15 years.

Blimey, mine isn't that old. I still have a B&D 2 speed one from about 1977 that I bought to put up some shelves in my flat. The gearbox is a bit noisy, but I still use it occasionally.
--
"The road to Paradise is through Intercourse."
[email me at huge [at] huge [dot] org [dot] uk]
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together this:

My mate uses one of those as a core drill. Not reconnended for working at the top of a ladder!
--

SJW
Please reply to group or use 'usenet' in email subject
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Lurch snipped-for-privacy@tiscali.co.uk typed:

indeed their heavy solid aluminium and indestructible, don't spin very fast but enough torque to lift you off your feet if it stalls. Fabulous for mixing plaster but im not brave enough to drill anything with it. It belonged to my father, ive also got some moulding planes that belonged to my grandfather.
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