Got his measure I think

[Bill Wright]

In our local DIY shop this morning. Customer (male, my age, well dressed, pompous manner) "It needs to be one metre and 30 centimetres." Salesgirl "Oh that's OK. It comes in 1.4 metre lengths." Customer "Well that won't be long enough then will it?" Salesgirl. "Yes, you'll just need to trim a bit off." Customer. "No, it needs to be one ONE METRE AND THIRTY CENTIMETRES!" Salesgirl. "One point four metres is one metre and forty centimetres." Customer. "Are you sure?" Salesgirl "Carol, can you come and help me for a minute?"

Bill

[Andy Bennet]

Oh! Carol, I am but a fool Darling, I love you though you treat me cruel You hurt me, and you made me cry But if you leave me, I will surely die

[fred]

[tony sayer]

In article <qas5hi$1p01$ [e-mail]>, Bill Wright [e-mail] scribeth thus

They ought to do away with centimetres, i can never "visualise" those

1300 mm yep totally different thing;)...

[Mr Pounder Esquire]

Around the corner from my old home and in a different life there was a hardware shop. He was brilliant! I could buy a couple of screws or a box of screws, bits of wood, screwdrivers etc or cans of paint. Bit of a tip, but he knew where everything was - so did I. He was open 6 days per week and after 29 years sold up. He lived above the shop. The new owner tried to modernize the shop, open plan and such bollocks. I remember calling in there on the way home for a battery or something. The new owner did not have a clue. The shop is now part of the hairdressers next door and will be sadly missed by the residents of that area. The past owner never went back to his old shop, he used to cross the road when walking past. 29 years .....

[Dave Plowman (News)]

Yup - too small for a guesstimate and too large for accuracy.

[Clive Arthur]

A joke my dad used to tell. Often.

Three male sinners at the gates of heaven where St Peter tells them that, as it's Christmas, they can enter if they can show him something Christmassy.

Bloke No 1 thinks, then pulls his house keys out of his pocket, jangles them an says "These remind me of the Christmas bells" which pleases St P so he gets let in.

Bloke No 2 sees this and brushes some dandruff from his hair saying that it reminds him of Yuletide snow. He's in too.

Bloke No 3 pulls a pair of knickers from his pocket and waves them around. St P is confused - what is the meaning of this? "These are Carol's!", comes the response.

Cheers

[Jethro_uk]

My dad: "That's £100 plus VAT" Customer: "I never pay VAT" My dad: "Oh, of course, that's £115 then" Customer (handing over money): "That's better, thanks"

[ARW]

£120 in todays money.

I once got arrested, spent a night in the cells and I had to explain why I had nearly £3000 in cash on me. I explained that the customer wanted a cash job to avoid VAT and even though the company was not VAT registered it kept a simple customer happy.

Not satisfied with my explanation they wanted the customers details.

They were not right happy when it turned out my customer was a police officer that worked in their station.

[Brian Gaff]

She should have sold him a saw. Brian

[Brian Gaff]

Maybe he should have done what I did once. cut a bit of string to the right length and go to the store and have a look. Some years ago a certain DIY shed was selling stuff with the incorrect measurements. grin. Brian

[Brian Gaff]

I was just wondering Has Carol from that quiz show now come down to temping in DIY stores, and also why do they sell stuff in odd lengths like that anyway. I remember seeing 1.5m and 1m and 2 m but 1.4?

Brian

[dennis]

In B&Q two weeks ago and the customer was having a board cut..

he asked for 10 inch to be cut off and neither of them noticed it was 10 cm that was being cut.

They didn't believe me until they got a tape out to measure it.

Never work in anything other than mm for stuff these days, someone will get it wrong if you do.

[Harry Bloomfield]

Brian Gaff submitted this idea :

They often translate directly to Imperial measurements - sheet material is still sold as 8 x 4 feet, but in the metric measure.

[Terry Casey]

Not this morning but more like 45 years ago ...

I wanted to build a pair of decent speaker cabinets. The design called for 16mm chipboard for the carcase, so we decided on a mahogany finish and I went off to Homebase to get some mahogany veneered chipboard cut to size.

So far, so good, but the design called for 19mm chipboard for the baffles and backs and there was no way I wanted a full 8' x 4' sheet!

So I found a local DIY shop who cut chipboard to size and went along with my measurements which I'd converted to imperial beforehand 'just in case'.

I was taken to the cutting area and asked for my measurements.

"Metric or Imperial?" I asked. With a look of relief came the answer "Oh, Imperial, please".

So I ignore the nice round metric figures and read out the meaasurements as so many inches aand sixtennths by so many inches and sixteenths and added "by three-quarters",

To which the response was "Oh, it will have to be 19mm - it's all metric now!"

It was very difficult to resist the temptation to burst out laughing ...

[Dave Plowman (News)]

That was the standard hose pipe gag.

20 yards of hosepipe, please.

Sorry, sir, sold by the metre now.

18 metres then.

Certianly sir. Inch or 3/4?

[tim...]

That'll be the same rule the Irish used to measure their marathon with

tim

[tim...]

like the famed "Apprentice" episode

tim

[Jethro_uk]

Car tyres/wheels are a lovely mix - metric width and imperial diameter ....

[tim...]

hard to believe he's 20 in that Vid. he already looks like someone's dad

tim