But anyway, Jim had a job which went normally, then a few days later the customer came to the showroom to complain. The doors didn't sound right. The customer (who for brevity I will henceforth call 'Mr Pillock') had apparently been brought up in an old farmhouse, where the doors were massive and heavy, and closed with 'a real thump'. He had been hoping that his new doors would sound the same when he closed them. Was there anything that could be done to make the doors sound 'more realistic'?
Having effectively got the bum's rush from the door company Mr Pillock discussed the problem with his mates, one of whom suggested, probably in jest, that he should line the doors with lead. Building on this thought Mr Pillock had a better idea. He was a keen sea fisherman, by the way, in the habit of making his own lead weights, using a mould.
He removed three doors and stood then on their hinge edges in the yard. He drilled 5/8" holes into the lock edge of each door, one hole per nine inches, all the way up. He melted a large quantity of lead. He was later to explain that he got it pretty well bubbling so it wouldn't solidify too quickly. He then ran along the row of doors filling each hole with molten lead.
He had considered the possibility that the wood might be scorched a bit but had decided that this wouldn't happen because there would be no air in the holes. After a few moments he started to suspect that this hypothesis might be incorrect. The doors started to smoulder alarmingly. Mr Pillock stood watching, and thought that the smoke would die down as the lead cooled. In fact the doors burst into flames and were destroyed. Thus it was that Jim had to go round with three replacement doors.
Mr Pillock has a senior position in local government. He has a large staff and a budget of millions. Thus we are ruled.