Crazy phone call

Had a terrific phone call today - Him - I have information that you had an RTA in the last 3 years Me - You're dreaming it up, mate Him - Do you think I waste my f****ng time phoning people up on a dream, you f****ng knob Me - Well, you're wasting MY time followed by much hilarity and telling the wife that some twat is calling me a f****ng knob. If anyone was near him they'd have heard me laughing my goolies off. Anyway, I said thanks very much and put the phone down. Number withheld, there's a surprise.

Reply to
brass monkey
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On several occasions, I've instantly responded to that by saying "lier!". That comes as quite a surprise, and the call goes completely off their script (and comfort zone) from that point on.

I had a WITHHELD in the morning a few days ago... "Is that Mr Gabriel?" in a broad Indian accent. "Who's asking?" is always my initial response to this. "It's Robert Smith" I forget the name he actually gave now, but it was very English, given in a very Indian accent. "I'm calling you from [I forget the company] in London. How are you this afternoon, Mr Gabriel?" Why on earth do they ask this? I must think up some response which is going to take half an hour to explain with no opportunity for interruption, but I haven't done that yet. However, this time the reponse was dead easy. I said "Well, actually it's the morning in this country." That buggered up his call script. There were a few "Oh", "um", and the like, and then he tried to continue with his script, but it went to pieces because I laughed, and then he got the giggles and couldn't get the words out, and eventually he cleared down the call mid-sentence.

At least that one left me laughing afterwards, rather than annoyed.

Then there was another one this morning, showing INTERNATIONAL "Hello", I said. "Is that Mrs Gabriel?" was the response. "Not unless she's suddenly got a very deep voice". Click - the call is cut off.

Reply to
Andrew Gabriel

"Withheld" earlier this week:

An Asian accent: "This is Brian from Microsoft. You have a problem with your computer. Can you go to your computer now?" "Which of my computers has the problem?" Click.

Yesterday I played along for a while as someone described the advantages of solar panels. Only when they wanted to send a surveyor did I mention that I already have them. At least they managed a giggle.

Chris

Reply to
Chris J Dixon

There is something about mis-sold payment protection going on but only ever bought payment protection on a mortgage in 1985 that was piad off >10 years ago I haven't paid much attention to the details. I get a few spam texts along the same lines.

They might be, but I'd go looking for information else where about mis-sold PPP's and put in a claim direct rather than use a 3rd party who must be taking a cut of any compensation.

Reply to
Dave Liquorice

The last guy (UK accent) who tried this on, I suggested that, if I had a claim (which I don't), I would take advice from moneysavingexpert.com. The fact that he hadn't heard of it was instructive.

Chris

Reply to
Chris J Dixon

Mine is 'I don''t take cold calls. Goodbye', followed by putting the phone down. I don't see the point in wasting any more time than that.

Colin Bignell

Reply to
Nightjar

With all the hilarity I see mentioned around these calls I wonder if I'm missing out sometimes :)

We have ACR and the phone is set not to ring on unrecognized numbers, so the very occasional "out of area/International" call goes straight to answerphone and they've hung up before I even notice.

Reply to
Lee

...and it costs about four quid a month.

For another BT bargain "ring back when free" used to be 10p or so, now its around 40p or so per use with no indication on the phone message BT provide as to what the charge will be

Reply to
The Other Mike

Nope, British (for a change).

Reply to
brass monkey

I very, very rarely get unsolicited phone calls due to being ex-directory, TPS-registered, and through use of a free VOIP voicmail number which gets given out to pretty well anybody other than personal contacts who 'needs' a number to contact me on.

However - having had a spate of home-working over the last few weeks, the new bane of my life seems to be chuggers (charity muggers, for the uninitiated) coming to the door during the day. These are not the ones rattling a collection tin for the Sally Army, but ones who are highly professional sales types who want nothing less than a direct debit from you.

They have all the tricks to get you talking/interested/heartstrings tugged, and to make you feel guilty as hell if you decline. Yesterday's had just opened his mouth and thrust the photo of a magazine cover with a small, mournful-looking black face on at me before I just said 'sorry, not interested' and shut the door on him, and I was rewarded with a practised look of utter disgust and contempt as he turned away. Really pissed me off, TBH; I sat at my desk fizzing for about an hour afterwards regretting that I hadn't gone after him and given him a piece of my mind. (But he had a much better gift of the gab than me, so I doubt I'd have felt any better for doing so). I either need to develop a thicker skin, or buy a CCTV so I can see who's knocking at the door...

David

Reply to
Lobster

And I omit the "Goodbye" and hang up straight away. But I don't usually answer calls with no displayed CLID.

Reply to
Mark

Round here, it's like a commando raid. Car pulls up, 5 get out, and they hit the doors in unison - I've watched them actually wait till they are all up the paths, so they ring together. Macmillan that was. Personally I find it despicable that charities are allowed to lend their name to these fund raising *companies*. I bet that the companies contract gives them the first x% of a sign-up, so if someone cancels the DD after a month, the company gets paid, not the charity.

Great line, from Steve Hughes :

Friend: Don't give that beggar any money - he'll only spend it on drink and drugs. SH: Hell, what do you think I was going to spend it on.

Reply to
Jethro

I believe the word "chunt" is an acceptable alternative.

Reply to
Jethro

That sounds like George Best's apocryphal comment on his lost millions:

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. George Best

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. George Best

I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep. George Best

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. George Best

I once said Gazza's IQ was less than his shirt number and he asked me: "What's an IQ?" George Best, Best on Paul Gascoigne.

I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by

20 minutes. George Best, regarding a blood transfusion for his liver transplant
Reply to
Davey

The version I've heard was supposed to be a true story about JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis walking through Oxford. Lewis gave a beggar all his change, and then Tolkien said, "He'll just spend it on drink."

Lewis said, "That's what I was going to spend it on."

Reply to
Adam Funk

It can be instructive to try and find out what percentage of the money actually goes to the charity in question. It can be shockingly low...

Reply to
John Rumm

LOL. I *like* that. Consider it adopted.

Reply to
Huge

In 18 years we've had one religious based unsolicited caller. The conversation went "Him: Do you want to let Jesus Christ into your life? Me: No. [slam]"

It was really worth schlepping down half a mile of potholes for that, wasn't it?

Reply to
Huge

I have to be fair, I first heard Sean Lock use it, on "Lockipedia"

Reply to
Jethro

Several years ago I was stopped in the street by the mormons or witnesses and asked if I knew anyone who wanted to talk about jesus, so I pointed to the church just around the corner, and suggested they might find someone there. I don't think it was the answer they were looking for.

Adrian

Reply to
Adrian Simpson

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