Had a terrific phone call today - Him - I have information that you had an RTA in the last 3 years Me - You're dreaming it up, mate Him - Do you think I waste my f****ng time phoning people up on a dream, you f****ng knob Me - Well, you're wasting MY time followed by much hilarity and telling the wife that some twat is calling me a f****ng knob. If anyone was near him they'd have heard me laughing my goolies off. Anyway, I said thanks very much and put the phone down. Number withheld, there's a surprise.
On several occasions, I've instantly responded to that by saying "lier!". That comes as quite a surprise, and the call goes completely off their script (and comfort zone) from that point on.
I had a WITHHELD in the morning a few days ago... "Is that Mr Gabriel?" in a broad Indian accent. "Who's asking?" is always my initial response to this. "It's Robert Smith" I forget the name he actually gave now, but it was very English, given in a very Indian accent. "I'm calling you from [I forget the company] in London. How are you this afternoon, Mr Gabriel?" Why on earth do they ask this? I must think up some response which is going to take half an hour to explain with no opportunity for interruption, but I haven't done that yet. However, this time the reponse was dead easy. I said "Well, actually it's the morning in this country." That buggered up his call script. There were a few "Oh", "um", and the like, and then he tried to continue with his script, but it went to pieces because I laughed, and then he got the giggles and couldn't get the words out, and eventually he cleared down the call mid-sentence.
At least that one left me laughing afterwards, rather than annoyed.
Then there was another one this morning, showing INTERNATIONAL "Hello", I said. "Is that Mrs Gabriel?" was the response. "Not unless she's suddenly got a very deep voice". Click - the call is cut off.
An Asian accent: "This is Brian from Microsoft. You have a problem with your computer. Can you go to your computer now?" "Which of my computers has the problem?" Click.
Yesterday I played along for a while as someone described the advantages of solar panels. Only when they wanted to send a surveyor did I mention that I already have them. At least they managed a giggle.
There is something about mis-sold payment protection going on but only ever bought payment protection on a mortgage in 1985 that was piad off >10 years ago I haven't paid much attention to the details. I get a few spam texts along the same lines.
They might be, but I'd go looking for information else where about mis-sold PPP's and put in a claim direct rather than use a 3rd party who must be taking a cut of any compensation.
The last guy (UK accent) who tried this on, I suggested that, if I had a claim (which I don't), I would take advice from moneysavingexpert.com. The fact that he hadn't heard of it was instructive.
With all the hilarity I see mentioned around these calls I wonder if I'm missing out sometimes :)
We have ACR and the phone is set not to ring on unrecognized numbers, so the very occasional "out of area/International" call goes straight to answerphone and they've hung up before I even notice.
For another BT bargain "ring back when free" used to be 10p or so, now its around 40p or so per use with no indication on the phone message BT provide as to what the charge will be
I very, very rarely get unsolicited phone calls due to being ex-directory, TPS-registered, and through use of a free VOIP voicmail number which gets given out to pretty well anybody other than personal contacts who 'needs' a number to contact me on.
However - having had a spate of home-working over the last few weeks, the new bane of my life seems to be chuggers (charity muggers, for the uninitiated) coming to the door during the day. These are not the ones rattling a collection tin for the Sally Army, but ones who are highly professional sales types who want nothing less than a direct debit from you.
They have all the tricks to get you talking/interested/heartstrings tugged, and to make you feel guilty as hell if you decline. Yesterday's had just opened his mouth and thrust the photo of a magazine cover with a small, mournful-looking black face on at me before I just said 'sorry, not interested' and shut the door on him, and I was rewarded with a practised look of utter disgust and contempt as he turned away. Really pissed me off, TBH; I sat at my desk fizzing for about an hour afterwards regretting that I hadn't gone after him and given him a piece of my mind. (But he had a much better gift of the gab than me, so I doubt I'd have felt any better for doing so). I either need to develop a thicker skin, or buy a CCTV so I can see who's knocking at the door...
Round here, it's like a commando raid. Car pulls up, 5 get out, and they hit the doors in unison - I've watched them actually wait till they are all up the paths, so they ring together. Macmillan that was. Personally I find it despicable that charities are allowed to lend their name to these fund raising *companies*. I bet that the companies contract gives them the first x% of a sign-up, so if someone cancels the DD after a month, the company gets paid, not the charity.
Great line, from Steve Hughes :
Friend: Don't give that beggar any money - he'll only spend it on drink and drugs. SH: Hell, what do you think I was going to spend it on.
The version I've heard was supposed to be a true story about JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis walking through Oxford. Lewis gave a beggar all his change, and then Tolkien said, "He'll just spend it on drink."
Lewis said, "That's what I was going to spend it on."
In 18 years we've had one religious based unsolicited caller. The conversation went "Him: Do you want to let Jesus Christ into your life? Me: No. [slam]"
It was really worth schlepping down half a mile of potholes for that, wasn't it?
Several years ago I was stopped in the street by the mormons or witnesses and asked if I knew anyone who wanted to talk about jesus, so I pointed to the church just around the corner, and suggested they might find someone there. I don't think it was the answer they were looking for.
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