I am sad to announce that Santa Claus is dead, and it's my fault.
Last summer I had a modern furnace installed, and they vented it out the side wall using 2 inch PVC pipe. Shortly after I had the house re-roofed, and since the old chimney was weak, and no longer needed, I had it torn down and removed.
Last night Santa Claus came to my house and since the original chimney was gone, he tried to crawl in that 2 inch PVC pipe. He got stuck, and when the furnace started, he died from carbon monoxide. When the fire department arrived, they found his body was 2 inches round and 32 feet long, stuck inside that PVC pipe. His bag of toys remained outside the house near that pipe and his sleigh was parked on the roof with 8 reindeers attached, and asleep.
I feel so terrible about this. Santa has been making children happy for thousands of years, and my decision to save a few bucks and remove the old chimney killed him. I will regret this for the rest of my life. This really hurts to have to tell you this horrid news.
Well, I better get back to drinking to relieve the pain......
By the way, what do reindeers eat?
Merry Chrissmas - Merry Krissmass - Merry Kissmyass