Why Don't Kids Do Chores Anymore?
By Jeff Opdyke
When I was growing up, I spent many summer days struggling to shove a bulky Toro mower through the thick mat of grass that was my yard. That was my main weekly chore. I pushed that same mower around the neighborhood with my buddy, Mike, hawking lawn-cutting services for $10 a yard.
I mention this because I've noticed something peculiar while driving around town in recent weeks: Though it's summer, I've yet to see a single kid out mowing a lawn. I don't see any kid-produced signs offering mowing services. I see teams of lawn-maintenance workers neatly tending yards...but no kids.
It's not just lawns, mind you. During our time in New Jersey, I don't recall seeing any kids raking leaves in the fall. In three years not a single kid stopped by our house offering to shovel the snow off the driveway. I never hear my son's friends lamenting the chores they're charged with after school or on weekends. All they ever do is ride bikes or dash off to this practice or that game or some camp.
I don't blame the kids. I blame the parents.
To put it bluntly: We've gone soft. Partly, I think, we remember how much we hated the chores when we were younger. Partly we feel guilty about all the time we spend working. Partly we're just too lazy and it's easier to hire somebody than force our kids to do it. Whatever the reason, many of us are slacking off when it comes to imposing on our kids the same sorts of obligations our parents required of us.
In watching my son water some plants for me the other day -- meaning, watching him barely sprinkle the plants amid his goofball antics with the hose and an anthill -- I realized that it's time to reverse the trend. Child-labor laws be damned, it's time my son went to work.
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I don't recall how old I was when my grandfather -- who, with my grandmother, raised me -- started asking me to cut the grass, though I'm pretty sure I was about 9 or 10. I remember in second grade helping him in the garden and with odds and ends around the house. I also remember hating it: I would much rather have been down the street playing with my friends, or inside watching Scooby Doo on a Saturday morning. Occasionally, he might give me a couple of dollars for my effort, though usually he just patted me on the back and said, "Good job, buddy."
Looking back on those days, I realize now what my grandfather was trying to teach me then: that you must establish a work ethic; you must learn to take care of your property; you can't always expect money for simply helping the family; and you must earn through an honest day's work what you want in this life.
I can't say that I've sent an equally meaningful message to my own son up to this point. In fact, the message I'm sending is pretty much the opposite.
For instance, we have a lawn-service guy who cuts the grass and edges the yard for $35 every week or two. I hired him because I don't have the time on weekends, between writing and rehabbing an old house I bought with a friend. The amount of money I can make on those activities far surpasses what I pay the lawn guy to cut my grass.
Yet I'm beginning to see that the cost of hiring somebody to cut my grass goes beyond that $35. This is the first house we've owned -- and we've owned six -- where I haven't done the yard work. What my son sees is his mom and me paying someone else to do what we could do instead. So, I imagine he figures: "Why should I do what Mom and Dad won't?"
Traces of that come out when he's assigned a small chore. He gets bored quickly and begins to play, and soon drops the task all together. It isn't a priority for him because I haven't instilled in him that it should be a priority.
A couple of weeks ago, for example, I asked him to water some day lilies we had just planted. I watched him through the window: He spent about a minute on that duty, then began spraying an anthill, stirring up the ants and watching them busily try to preserve and rebuild their mound. When that lost his attention, he turned off the water, left the hose splayed across the yard and came inside to watch cartoons -- while the day lilies wilted in the heat.
I know I've got company here. Not only do I see it in the absence of kids cutting grass and raking leaves and shoveling snow, but I also hear it from friends I talk to. Lots of parents don't force their kids to do much work around the house. Why, though? Why do we let our kids shirk the same responsibilities we once had?
I can think of a few reasons...
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Perhaps the key reason is that we live in an age that's more touchy-feely. Many parents -- and I concede that I am one of them -- are more lenient and less authoritarian than were our parents. When I was a child, my grandparents gave me a chore and they expected me to do it. Period. These days, Mom and Dad aren't so much setting the rules as they are negotiating with their kids. And kids learn to negotiate themselves out of tasks they don't want to be burdened with at the moment.
But that isn't the only reason. It's also a question of money: Many of us have more of it than our parents did when they were raising us. If we can hire somebody to cut the grass every two weeks for less money than we'd spend on one dinner out, why not?
Also, so many kids are overscheduled these days. They have soccer practice and tennis lessons and dance class. By the time they get home, there are barely enough hours for homework and dinner. Who has time to weed the garden?
And then there's guilt. More couples both work nowadays, often logging long hours. That leaves us anxious not to waste those precious hours we do have for our kids. Chores, we rationalize, are inconvenient when we could be doing something as a family.
So there are lots of reasons, many of them valid. But I'm convinced that none of them are good enough, and I'm going to change things around my house.
My son isn't quite old enough to push a lawnmower across the yard yet, but he is old enough to help me weed the many flower beds we have. He's also old enough to rake leaves in the fall, to help me change the oil in the cars and to help me wash the dishes at night -- all of which will soon be on his to-do list. I may decide to pay him a little something for a few of those chores, since some of them are beyond what I view as weekly obligations.
For the most part, though, I'll just pat him on the back and say, "Good job, buddy."
-- July 01, 2005