I think I might be a clutterer

[xkatx]

I've actually had that same thought come to mind... He does help, on occasion, but he figures that since he's the one that works now, he shouldn't have to do everything around the house.

Yes, although I'm not sure 'mature' goes hand in hand with him at times. He hounds the boys to take their dishes from the table after meals - very good habit to get into, AFAIC, yet *I* pick up his dishes, which drives me mad. If I point it out as he's leaving the table, I'm nagging. I've left his dirty plate on the table until the next meal and then I end up just picking it up anyways (about 50% of the time) I also refuse to pick up his laundry. I make a call about laundry before I start to sort and do it - I round up mine and the baby's clothes, the boys have to have ALL their dirty clothes in the baskets provided in their rooms or they don't have clean clothes and the same for DH, but he usually doesn't pick up his clothes. If I do clearly look swamped with everything around the house, he DOES help, but that seems to be when I'm at the point of desperation. He then just goes and does MAJOR cleaning on his own and gets it done fast with a, "See? It didn't take long and wasn't hard!" - try that with 3 little ones running behind you!

Hired help is kind of out of the question, as there's not enough money to hire someone to do what needs to always be done! lol I am thinking, though, to swallow my pride and see if my mom is available one day to help me get everything in order... Sort through what is needed and what isn't, toss, give away, garage sale whatever is garbage, unwanted, not used... I look around and wonder what's going on around here! There's just too much stuff for this little space, but I'm sure a lot of it could go and not be missed.

ANY suggestions would probably help! It's a nut house here, and I can live with most things, generally, as the 'perfect' home will be saved for when the kids move out lol, but at times, it gets so out of hand.

[kevinsmom]

When Kevin was little he had to keep all his inside toys in his room. It usually looked like a tornado hit but it wasn't scattered all over.

[New Leaf]

Okay, I've been there and done that. You have a choice. If he wants to be a child about his own things, you can either continue as you have been, leaving them out to make a a point, or you can just pick it up and put it out of your head. Honestly, picking up his dishes is probably one minute and his clothes about the same, with a bit longer added in for laundry processing. Stop nagging. Just do it. Or don't. But don't talk about it anymore. You have a right to apply your standards to your children, but not to your husband. It sounds like you are doing a great job with your kids and one day their wives will thank you that they aren't slobs like Daddy!

I can hear everyone else going, "But that's not fair." No, it's not. He's been unfair and immature but you can eliminate a lot of stress by just doing it.

As far as his comments about how easy it is to do the major cleaning, that's rude and nasty BUT let him clean. Maybe even go out for a walk and let him clean with three kids in the house.

Viv

[kevinsmom]

Don't, leave his clean plate and utensils waiting on the counter. When he sees the dried on crap waiting for him, act surprised. "Oh, you must have forgotten to carry it to the kitchen."

[Donna in Texas]

Years ago I had a friend who, after getting tired of nagging her teenagers to pick up their things, put a Yale lock on a big closet. When the kids left their things where they weren't supposed to be in the den, etc., after a period of time she just swooped the things up and put them in the closet.

I don't remember how long these things had to stay or what the kids had to do to get them back, but apparently this was working for her.

Cheers--

Donna

[Stormmee]

[Stormmee]

He

[Stormmee]

[Stormmee]

[sweetchild]

rotf...my neighbors 4yo cut his bangs to the top with his play scissors the other day.... I only have one preschooler-- the rest are adult men-- now a 21 yo middle son who will be going back to college very soon..the 22yo stayed there this summer-- thank god---- and a 40 yo DH...and they are worse than the 4yo believe me...slobs at heart...... I do what I can.. I try to do hot spots daily at the very least and then say-- it'll get done tomorrow...no sense going insane as it undoes itself fast.. I do make the 4yo clean up with me-- and we try to have certain times to organize his stuff ..I find that many little plastic boxes with flip top lids help for all of the small things he has... he likes to organize too-- somewhat OCD in nature...and unlike my older 2 were at that age but he is alone basically so he is different -- no fighting and competition unless one of the adult sons becomes infantile with impatience and that happens on a rare occasion...

Hang in there...no one can be perfect.. for...they would really be insane! :) Peg

[xkatx]

LOL That would be funny, although I know I'd have a heck of a time pretending to be surprised. Might be worth a shot anyways!

[0tterbot]

this is probably the origin of the whole problem - he "works" and you don't??! come on! :-)

i am presently a housefrau - not for too much longer - but i am very generous with what i do for dh because he does a lot for me. a calm discussion at a good time (using "i" statements - "i feel..." "i think..." etc) is going to be a good start, but ultimately, if he can't pick up his bloody plate from the table, under the circumstances you describe, i'd not be picking it up either. find a nice way to say that (if you have to, if he can't just be reasonable), and you're on your way.

he

your kids are quite little, there's much to be done, and it's good you don't have very high expectations ;-)

start training up the boys so they get into good habits (at their ages, just picking up after themselves a bit more, & doing errands for you on request, is enough imo.) my 7 y.o. can be frightfully unhelpful at times, but no doubt about it, the things which are just always expected, he does pretty much automatically, & that's where you want to be with them at that age. it's a massive help just if they will keep themselves & their own things in order & be able to help with odd jobs when you ask. and for goodness sake, put those scissors away ;-)

with the kids, remember to be positive - always try to notice what they _have_ achieved, tried hard with, done a good job on, or remembered spontaneously without being asked, & they'll be much more enthusiastic about ingraining the habits & they will feel appreciated & much more willing to help out, too.

i think your idea of calling your mum for a day or two while you do a really big clean out is a good one (i'm not sure where pride is involved...? if you & she have a bit of a weird relationship, just tell her you're nesting in preparation for the new baby :-) if there IS stuff you should probably keep but nowhere for it to go, think about how you could store or organise it better. kylie

[Catherine Fiorello]

This works with husbands, too.

[kevinsmom]

Let everyone know ahead of time you'll be doing that and do the same for the kids. My kid found a way to remind himself to do his laundry after having to wear dirty clothes to school once. Having to carry the dirty dishes to the kitchen and bring back the clean ones before eating will help everyone remember without nagging.

[Phisherman]

Hubby needs a little training. There are very effective ways and he won't know what's going on. Psychology 101

[Dr. Sooz]

[val189]

My father chucked everything out in the yard once - got tired of coming in and seeing coat, books etc on the dining room table. The embarassment of having to go out and collect the stuff cured me fast. He used to say I would plop things on 'any flat surface' with a disdainful look. He hated to go to harpy cousin's house - you had to literally shove stuff over in order to sit on any chair. He said she'd rather gossip and cause trouble than clean and pick up. He had her number forty years ago - he was right.

[Stormmee]

[Torge]

Hi, can anyone suggest a 'method' of tidying up masses of clutter in a small house. my problem is that i hate to throw stuff out, but now have so much junk everywhere.

if i had an organised method of some kind to follow and do a little at a time it would really help.

[Stormmee]

1. I started in my closets because it is a defined space, and when done closets are easily maintained.
2. I did less used areas first so they would stay nice longer.
3. I used my TV room to put things I couldn't decide about. It slows things down if you agonize over every item so going through several times seems to work better for me.

4 get a trash bag for trash and a container for things you can't decide about. then when you find a thing you do want put it in the room it needs to be. its fine if you have lots of can't decide, just get rid of the trash and sort what you want, then you can do another round later.

1. I might be alone in this but it finally started working for me when I did all the "hidden" areas first, closets and drawers, kitchen cabinets... I think this is because when I got these done I actually had places to put things, I knew how much space it was and I simply got rid of what wouldn't fit... post often and let us know how you are doing, ask questions here, someone will know how to help, Lee