OT: Telemarketers

[George Max]

HandlingTelemarketers 101

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, "Is this William Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I proceeded to tell him we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.

[Swingman]

I could almost hear the theme to Dragnet playing in the background ... good one!

[bridgerfafc]

[Dave Mundt]

Well, I was involved in a delightful moment of jerking a telemarketer around today myself. I was at the shop, answering some questions about Sales Order Entry and such, when the phone rang. The woman I was chatting with answered it, listened for a minute, then, said "hang on, I will get one for you", and hit the hold button. She said "this person is looking for an owner or manager here", and handed ME the phone. I suppose I am sort of a CIO there so, it works out. In any case when she punched the line up, I said "Good day, this is Dave, how can I help you?". This woman on the line proceeded to explain (in a REALLY cute, Indian accent) that she was associated with "stopfraud.com" and she had some tools to help my business avoid losing lots of cash to fraudulent transactions. I should pause here and explain that I have lived in East Tennessee my entire life, and, so have a TAD of a Southern Accent. Now...back to the story. She paused for a second, and I said "I really appreciate your call but we have a pretty effective means of dealing with fraud already". She was actually listening, apparently, and said "Oh?" I went on to say "Well, when I find that someone has attempted to defraud us, I have two big, burly guys that I send out to hunt them down, and break their kneecaps". She said (with a bit more emotion) "OH!" I said "Yes mam, and it seems to work pretty well. We have never had any problems with a second attempt from that person, and, frankly, since word has gotten out about our techniques, we have noted a big drop in FIRST attempts to defraud us. So...Thanks for calling but I don't think we will need your services...Good Day", (as I was hanging up). I did hear her start to say something, but, as I was in a bit of a hurry, I did not hang around to engage her in more conversation. I really would have liked to be a fly on the wall in that call center though...I suspect she turned to the woman in the cubical next to her and said something like "Those Americans ARE a violent lot! Let me tell you what *I* just heard!!!" I will be interested to see if they call back. I suspect that might have gotten me on their "do not call list" Now the folks that were in the room listening to this where laughing so hard by the time I finished up that really no work got done for at least 10 minutes... Regards Dave Mundt

[Mark & Juanita]

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Absolutely hilarious. You sir, have a twisted sense of humor -- I like that in a person. :-)

+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

[George]

At least you had a human annoying you, so you could annoy in return. We're so backward that we still have a firebar arrangement for the department. One number bridges to 20 homes. Last few days it has been called three times by autodial robots with recorded spiels. Someone forgot to put it on the "no-call" list....