OT Humor: Who should have been elected Pope?


Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and as a young man aspired to become a priest. However, he was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943, resulting in the loss of his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a military chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy. After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.
In 1997, Father Grapje (now an Archbishop) was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a massive cave-in trapping scores of miners deep in the earth. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer comfort and last rites to those too severely injured to move. While underground another shaft collapsed and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. Some time after being rescued, he developed a severe (but rare) condition known as purpura. This condition is the result of extensive underground time and exposure to the high silver content in the mine's air. It is characterized by purplish skin blotches and is found in many life-long silver miners. For his heroism and selfless service to others, the church elevated him to Cardinal.
With the passing of Pope John Paul II, he joined the other Cardinals in Rome for the funeral and the conclave to select a new Pope from their ranks. Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor and holy man; church leaders agree he will never ascend to the Papacy. . . .
After all, no one wants a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.
[For you youngsters out there, your assignment is to google for "flying purple people eater" to make this somewhat understandable. Apologies to Sheb Wooley.]
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bad..bad...really bad! but I love it!!!Good story
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Understanding it doesn't help.
--
LRod

Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite
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Now THAT"S funny!
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This has to be one of your very best...
jo4hn wrote:

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On Thu, 28 Apr 2005 20:38:15 GMT, the inscrutable Pat Barber
<groan>

And to keep things friendly, here's one man's take on womanhood:
--snip-- From 60 Minutes Commentator: Andy Rooney Subject: Women over 50 As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 50 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing. Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over! 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 50 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.
A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one? You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress... Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage. --snip--
--== May The Angst Be With You! ==-- -Yoda, on a bad day -- http://diversify.com Ending Your Web Page Angst.
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Just checked Snopes.com. -- Sorry Andy didn't write this. Another person did and it wasn't woman over 50, it was woman over 40.
Another Internet myth busted.
Here's the link:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp
MJ Wallace
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The Andy Roonie story is loosly based on a line the Redd Foxx did in his act.
Women over 40 don't yell, don't twell, don't swell, and they're grateful as hell.
-Dan V.
On 1 May 2005 17:42:01 -0700, snipped-for-privacy@onebox.com wrote:

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So Cardinal Ratzinger is the new pope. I thought that Cardinal Sicola of Austria would have been a good chance, but I guesss the conclave of cardinals realised they could not have the leader of one billion catholics called Pope Sicola.
Oh well, what's in a name.
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