Quote of the day!

[Adam Aglionby]

A not so regular feature on UK DIY where people put up their most comical q uotes from scumsville pretend tradesman.

The job is re-hang a common stair door, so it has added juicyness of being split 7 ways. The self closer is on the door and divots the plaster at ful l extent, it isn`t actually an issue.

"Unfortunately as its an old door won`t be able to get the self closer to c lose it to latch, even after rehanging." Kinda missingpoint of rehanging a door here pal....

so our hero, lets call him Sean Rollo Joinery Ltd gives my white haired Mum some guff and this spectacular quote.

To remove door and lay aside for re use To remove existing hinges To remove existing door closer To patch/fill door were required To supply and fit 3no heavy duty butt hinges To re fit door giving the bottom more clearance To supply and fit door closer To cut/grind a hole into the stair wall to allow the door to open fully and the door closer to sit into the wall To plaster repair the cut hole ready for decoration.

Comparative is next door replacement exterior blockboard door ,exactly sam e size over size from domestic , stick on mouldings , coat of paint , less than stellar job but does latch on its closer ;-) , £400 incl VAT

This piece of pond slime wanted 790 + Vat = £948 nearly a grand for han ging a, existing, door.

Could go on about roofer Ronald G Graham Ltd who charged £540 for 30 mins clearing the gutters.

Common repairs licenece to print money.

Any other recent comedy quotes, do name and shame, google likes that ;-)

[Tricky Dicky]

Outlandish quotes are usually because they are not really interested in the job, but will of course do it if you are daft enough to pay what they have quoted.

Richard

[newshound]

Maybe, but there are those who are happy to bamboozle the elderly.

[Adrian Caspersz]

There should be available a government sponsored non-web accessible third party that helps vulnerable folks select checked tradesmen, validates the work, receives the money, helps resolve conflicts and then pays the supplier on completion.

[alan_m]

At a cost to the customer of £250+ per job to administer it.

[David Lang]

There should also be a system which stops halfwits ringing tradesmen at

10pm on Sundays with non urgent jobs, tells them that tradesmen don't work for £5 an hour, can't always fit in with their hair appointments, shopping trips, bridge clubs etc and helps them describe jobs accurately.

[David Lang]

How about a regular feature where tradesmen put up their most comical requests from retarded customers?

[Bill Wright]

I installed a TV aerial for a bloke who insisted on the external downlead being behind the fall pipe at the left of the frontage. A year later he rung to say that he'd had new guttering and fallpipes and because of problems with the drainage the fallpipe at the front was now at the right end of the frontage, so could I come and move the TV cable. When I quoted him he went ballistic and said it should be done for free.

Similarly I had a customer who installed one of those old illegal USA cordless phones, with the aerials a couple of feet from the TV aerial that I'd installed the week before. It interfered with his TV reception. I went along and fitted a high pass filter and he refused to pay because he said that the aerial should have been 'interference proof' to start with.

I installed a satellite receiver for a bloke in his kid's bedroom. When the marriage failed the kid went to live elsewhere with his mum. The bloke rung me and asked if I would go to the new house, which was 20 miles away, and make the satellite receiver work. When I got there I found there was no dish. I fitted one and sent him the bill. He said it wasn't his responsibility. She said it wasn't hers. I went and took the dish off the wall and this made the kid cry.

I walked on a flat garage roof taking all proper precautions. The bloke rung me the next day to say I'd make the roof leak so I'd have to buy him a new one. He'd got three quotes so all I had to do was write the cheque. I went round and found he wasn't in, but the garage door was open. The garage was empty. I took photographs of the utterly rotten chipboard ceiling, which had many big holes in it where it had simply collapsed due to the felt being cracked and having been like that for years. The whole thing was an absolute mess. One of the neighbours came out and said the man hadn't parked the car in there for years because of the ceiling. I sent the man copies of the pictures. I didn't hear from him again.

When it comes to not paying the bill, haggling after the job's done, all that sort of dirty duplicitous behaviour, I've learnt that certain easily identifiable types of person are best avoided. I won't trade with such people. If I don't twig it on the phone I just scarper as soon as I do twig it. I make an excuse and leave.

Bill

[Bill]

In message , Bill Wright writes

I would have been tempted to call the local Ofcom engineer and have a chat.

But there again I believe revenge is best served cold. You could then have gone back and asked for the return of the HP filter as it was no longer needed :-)

[Adam Aglionby]

he job, but will of course do it if you are daft enough to pay what they ha ve quoted.

No, no, Sean Rollup has been on the phone at least 3 times chasing what he figured at 150 quid a flat.

In meantime one of the neighbours tried `my builder` with predictable resul ts unfortunately,couple of Tube vids and some tools out the discount store and ready to go, unfortunately illustrates the problem with these sites, if your any good you don`t have to pay for leads for small jobs so get left w ith the Desperate Dan`s:

Mm joinery

Call out Replace screws and adjust hinge £40

The screws have pulled out of the wood, the door needs a splice of wood put in first, not straightforward or for beginners.

The hinges are mounted wrongly ,one is missing, remains are bent and comple tely worn out on their pins ( they may wear through), adjusting them simply isn`t feasible any more.

re attach closer £40

Took neighbour all of 20 seconds.

Petrol £10. Total £90

Get a diesel.

Replace Take off door take off old hinges and fit new ones and re hand the door £100.

Refit new door closer £50 Plus you pay for new hinges and door closer and screws Petrol £10 Total £160

Think our hero in this case has woefully underestimated the job , because h e simply dosen`t have a clue.

Glad you mentioned Aerial fitters Bill, sure your one of the very few who k now what they are doing, had at least half a dozen total fuckwits.

Special mention to one caught trying to fill his own cheque out of Mum`s bo ok and then followed her across town thinking she was going to get cash for him. Police had a special interest in that one.

Have absolutely no problem with decent people expecting proper reward for a decent job, have a serious issue with mongrels roaming the streets ripping off people.

Its not confined to trades, `professions` are all at it as well, just read through a £1500 roof survey where the surveyor recomends he is paid a fur ther £12,000 Construction Design and Mangement fee to put the jib out for tender. In his mind it works out at only £500 each per flat in the buili ding.

Had the work conservatively quoted by real builders previously at around £60K incl VAT , our pal the surveyor , who has some serious howlers demon starting his complete lack of understanding of flat roofs in his report, ha s inflated that to around 120,000 to justiy a mere 10%

Scottish Common Repairs are a well known honeypot for rogues at all levels.

[bert]

They're called "charities"