JOKE: How many alt.hvac "experts" does it take to screw in a light bulb

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First, my apologies though to the decent people on this newsgroup (and you know who you are)...
Answer #1: None you blankety-blank-stupid homeowner - they don't screw lightbulbs -- they just screw customers...
Answer #2: TEN 1 to berate the customer about how dangerous it is to change a lightbulb since there is electricity inside the socket and he could burn down the house or maybe even the whole neighborhood 1 to tell the homeowner how unqualified he is to even attempt to do so 1 to brag about all the certification, training, and years of experience they have in light-bulb changing 1 to just berate the customer and curse at him for even asking a question 1 to assume that since the customer is asking a question, he must be "cheap" 1 to talk about how already by Wednesday night they have put in more than 40 hours of light-bulb changing so they don't have time to help anybody. 1 to tell the customer that he shouldn't even be asking any questions but should immediately call a repair tech anytime a light bulb burns out 1 to say that not only is a tech needed for changing a lightbulb but that legally homeowners should be calling a tech each time they decide to turn on and off the light bulb 1 to warn how no light-bulb changing technician would ever want to work for the diy'er since he is such a <fill in the blank insult> 1 to spout useless, irrelevant (and wrong) pseudo-technical misinformation about how to fix a doorbell
So you say but these 10 alt.hvac "pros" still haven't actually changed the lightbulb -- no problem. The homeowner just changes it himself since you really don't need an arrogant, trailer-trash alt.hvac tech to change a light bulb!
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it depends on which althvac pro it is
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snipped-for-privacy@webtv.net (m Ransley) writes:

As I said, this is targeted only at those whose only contribution to the newsgroup is hot air...
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I top posted just to piss them off even more!
I know exactly what you mean. That was pretty damn funny, and spot on too!

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Yeah, the best thing is how much this is pissing them all off. I haven't had this much fun in a long time... BTW eigenvector, I have been following ur posts in a.h.r and admire the initiative u show and your willingness to learn...

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Maybe you too should get together some night and watch Brokeback Mountain...
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Respectfully, Bob

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blueman wrote:

<snip>
Some of those guys definitely need to start doing some walking:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/17/eveningnews/main2368898.shtml
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blueman posted for all of us...

and lazy.
--
Tekkie Don\'t bother to thank me, I do this as a public service.

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blueman wrote:

Although I may disgree with many of the regular posters about DIY initiative, I have to say that, insults aside, these guys often provide great information for absolutely nothing in return. It's called "something for nothing" and it's not in the homeowner's (or anyone's) place to judge it.
With only a couple of months on this newsgroup, I now have a very comfortable home with equipment that is running and performing like some top end system for only a third of that cost. I have learned about and installed the Fanhandler (a variable-speed controller with automatic sensors that is just awesome) and Humidifier with automatic control, and I have avoided the hassles/costs/problems with different air cleaning solutions. I have even learned enough to offer the occasional advice myself, making me feel like a bit of a smarty--if only for a moment (until my wife reminds me otherwise).
And I've quickly realized what a waste of time it must have been to even read my initial posts--yet many still did. Thanks...
Peace, Dan
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What can one expect from people who can't even read that this is alt.home.repair, and may have home repair questions from home owners.
I suggest using professionals when called for in certain situations. But there are a huge number of things that the average Joe can do, get the job done right, and save a lot of money.
Those who want to keep their secret societies and literati intellect are welcomed to do so, but they are a dying breed. DIYers are here to stay, and those who want to still call in someone else and pay too much are here to stay, too.
So, the parasites and scavengers will always be with us, too.
Steve
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Except that many of the boors who responded with profanity to my well-intentioned question specifically said that they have no intention of "wasting" their time on helping homeowners for free. Pretty contrary to the spirit of any other newsgroup I have frequented... Again, no one has any obligation to provide advice -- free or otherwise; however, as supposed human beings on a public forum, I think everybody has the obligation to treat posters civilily and without crude profanity, particularly if the poster has done nothing egregious to justify such a welcome.

Be careful if you do not possess some xeroxed piece of paper from a 2-bit technical school, the alt.hvac police will attack you for doing an "illegal"/"dangerous"/"cheap" etc. install...

But all kidding aside, you seem to be a decent person -- if only more of the newsgroup regulars had your attitude...
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blueman wrote: I think everybody has the obligation to treat posters civilily

What is profanity? Or crude for that matter? If your such a Fop.. You don't have to read our posts.. In fact as a free person .. You have the total freedom to go elsewhere. But it does appear that your selfish enough to try and curb our free speech for you own idea's of how one must comport ones self. I take it that your a failure at home thus you try to regain your self respect by acting like a big man and bully in this NG. Most of us are hard working folks and Veterans that have paid our dues.. And just what are your qualifications? You want to play the my dick is bigger then you dick game.. That puts you in the 13 year old classification. This group is targeted toward the folks in HVAC... Others are welcome to join us within certain limits.. And all your doing is providing entertainment for our sharpshooters club! ;-p
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Which, as those who so enjoy sniping at the knuckle dragging subset of alt.hvac regulars would contend, really sums up the odd dynamic of those folks (including yourself).
So it's ironic for you to go to this argument.

And likewise--for those of us on the periphery, reminded of your erudite banter via cross posts to other groups--realy enjoy taking the bullies down a notch.
But as the old saying goes, you can't teach horse sense to a jackass, (but you can reduce them to replying to a lot of posts with "blow me" and "f off").
Best Regards, -- Todd H. http://toddh.net /
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I find it interesting that you snipped most of that very reasonable post! You wanta play Meow... I am certainly up to it.
Todd H. wrote:

Heh! Heh! I was trolling for a Moron and Damned if I didn't snag you! ;-p

What argument? Are those little drug induced voices talking to you again? ;-p

Shaat! This like shooting catfish in a Barrel,, ;-D By the way I don't crosspost... But I can if you like. I can even place you email address in some interesting lists.

Sooooo... What you are saying is that you like to horse around with Jackasses..e.i Bluefaggotman.. Well birds of a feather fuu..errr.. Flock together! ;-/

Hmmmm? I suggest that you provide a link to such posts from me.
I did leave in Homegroaners addee, as you put it there.. Kepp dicking arounjd and I can add a few of my own. And I am just passing by. ;-p

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p> total freedom to go elsewhere. But it does appear that your selfish

You have the freedom to use profanity and I have the freedom to point out how boorish and uncivilized you folks are -- especially for people who spend all their time talking about how "professional" they are...

it is to respond to a well-intentioned question with invective and profanity? Peraps, I am just too stupid to follow your HVAC powers of deduction.

Really, I suppose asking a question politely and humbly, including specifically stating my willingness to engage a professional if the issue is beyond the scope of DIY classifies as a "dick game".
With all this mention of "dicks", "blow me", "suck my asshole", etc., either you folks are so insecure that you feel threatened by even the average DIY'er or you are all latent homosexuals.

This group is a public open USENET group. All are welcome.

I think I am the one being entertained. It is not often you can get people so pissed off by just showing up...
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blueman posted for all of us...

--
Tekkie Don\'t bother to thank me, I do this as a public service.

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And all

Ooooooh -- I am so scared.... and those barbs they shoot really hurt... Your "sharpshooters" are so mentally sharp that the only bullets they can shoot are "blow me". Now that really injures my ego.
On the other hand, I know by the fact that I am inducing such hate-filled responses that I am hitting VERY close to home with my claims about being underemployed, unprofessional, and generally unskilled both relative to high quality HVAC companies and other professions.
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blueman wrote in message ...

True. Once people start resorting to profanity, they have lost the argument. Most of them aren't sharp enough to realize it though.
Cheri
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blueman wrote:

I think you've hit the nail on the head there. These guys are so insecure the slightest ripple on their waters sets them thrashing.
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