How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers

Making a "Blizzard Survival Kit" !!!
You're driving down the road in a winter blizzard. The thermometer reads minus 25, the winds are blowing 50mph and you cant see ten feet ahead of you. Suddenly your car slides off the road into a ditch and a deep snow bank. The snow is packed under the car so the wheels do nothing but spin. You don't have a snow shovel to dig the car out, or a safety flare to alert the authorities. Your cellphone battery is dead, and you're freezing cold. You know you will soon die from exposure and freaze to deeth. What are you going to do as you kneel on the front seat of your car praying to the plastic Jesus hanging on your rear-view mirror, while cussing out God because of the tragedy you are experiencing.
But, you know you're prepared for an emergency such as this, because you were smart enough to create a "Blizzard Survival Kit" long before this disaster occurred, and every good driver knows that sooner or later this disaster WILL happen.
You open the glove compartment and find a small carboard box. Inside the box is an ice pick, book of matches, some cotton, a nail, some bubblegum, and a candle.
Here's how to use your "Blizzard Survival Kit".
1. Empty contents of the box.
2. Puncture the bottom of the cardboard box with the nail and stick the nail into the bottom of the candle so the candle stands upright inside the box.
3. Place the cotton around the base of the candle inside the box.
4. Light the candle inside the car so the wind does not blow out the match.
5. Take the ice pick and puncture a small hole in your cars gas tank.
6. Carry the "Blizzard Survival Kit" with burning candle to the rear of the car and place the box near (but not too close) to the leak in the gas tank which you made with your ice pick.
7. Grab your plastic Jesus and get at least 500 feet away from the car. This will be the toughest time because you will be freezing cold and all you can do is wait, while praying to your plastic Jesus for a place in his plastic heaven, if you should die.
8. Several minutes pass, and you'll suddenly notice the cotton ignite in the box, setting the box on fire, which will then ignite the dripping gasoline. Seconds later the entire contents of your gas tank will ignite, explode, and begin to burn with a very hot fire. This is when you can walk closer to the fire and warm up. The flames and thick black smoke will alert the authorities that you are there, and they will come to assist. Best yet, the heat from the gasoline fire will melt the snow around your car so you can easily drive away after you insert the bubblegum in the hole in the gas tank, and refill the tank with gas.
Today is a great day to create your very own "Blizzard Survival Kit". Don't wait until disaster strikes, and it's too late when the authorities find your frozen dead body on the side of the road.
This road safety tip is provided as a courtesy by Mike's Auto Salvage of Sarasota, Florida.
Mike
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On Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:14:43 -0600, snipped-for-privacy@gmail2.com wrote:

Anyone with 1/2 a brain would not be out in such conditions.

I carry a car charger for my cellphone. Just plug it into the cig lighter.

You're going to die twice?

Its not God who bagged you its Darwin.

They have blizzards in FL? Whoda thunk it???

<< snip advice >>

Sounds like you already have it coverd....
F ools E gomaniacs & M orons A ssociation
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