Earth to Sherwin-Williams: Hire a New PR Agency

What is it with Sherwin-Williams Paints? First they put up advertising posters featuring a lurid picture of the globe with blood-red paint pouring from a can labeled "SWP", spreading across the world like Communist tentacles in a John Birch Society propaganda piece, with the caption: "COVER THE WORLD". Nota bene: SWP also stands for Socialist Workers Party...<throaty chuckle>
Now they have some damn-fool radio ad offering people paint "the color of your grandmother's face". I guess this is intended to show their versatility, while pandering to some treacly instinct supposed to exist by their Wall Street ad wizards, who've spent so much time jetting between their country houses, spa manicurists, and banking-district high-rise offices that they've lost all contact with the bourgeoisie (and no doubt their gammies too; probably interned long ago in expensive but remote nursing homes where their endless complaints about the demise of the Merv Griffin Show cannot be heard).
What if this bizarre offer were actually taken up?
Customer: Hello, I'd like a can of paint to match my grandmother's face.
Clerk: To match your...ah...I see...hmmm...I'm not sure what color that is, exactly.
Customer: Kind o' grayish-yaller with little red spots.
Clerk (hesitating): I'm not sure...may I ask what this is to be used for? Perhaps then I might have a better idea, you see...
Customer: I heard it in your radio ad. It's not for anything -- it's an impulse purchase.
Clerk: Could you wait here just one moment please. (Withdraws to back room)
Clerk (to supervisor in rear office): Call security.
Supervisor: Why? What is it?
Clerk: Some weirdo. I told him to wait at the counter.
Supervisor: Is he threatening?
Clerk: No, but --
Supervisor: Is he pocketing things?
Clerk: No, but he wants a can of paint "to match his grandmother's face".
Supervisor: So?
Clerk: Sir...he wants a can of paint to match his grandmother's face.
Supervisor: I don't care if he wants a can of paint to match his grandmother's feces -- you're a *sales* clerk, my boy: SELL him something!
Mark Adkins snipped-for-privacy@yahoo.com
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Henry Sherwin and Edward Willimas started the company back in the 1880's and had a chameleon for a logo and then switched to the SWP Globe in 1905, long before the John Birch Society was around (1958).
The DO need to get some better commercials, but don't let that stop you from buying their wonderful line of products.
-Former employee and current stockholder (so BUY! BUY! BUY!)
;-]
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wrote

Well, Red, of course I was merely being humorous. (And I erred: it's "COVER THE EARTH", not "world".) But I still say that, as an icon, it would be put to better use by an internationalist socialist party (the only real kind) than by Sherwin-Williams. I know at one time the SWP fit the bill, being Trotsky-ite, but who knows today: I can't even find a Web site for SWP USA. I guess COINTELPRO was too much for 'em.
Anyway, here are some lines from Carl Sandburg which seem appropriate to a home repair newsgroup:
This old anvil laughs at many broken hammers. There are men who can't be bought. The fireborn are at home in the fire. The stars make no noise. You can't stop the wind from blowing. Time is a great teacher. Who can live without hope?
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Funny you should mention that, since I was recently shocked to find their S.W. product web site the worst disaster I've ever seen from any respectable company.
Probably the utterly trashed format was an incompatibility with netscape 7.2 browser, but may be real html bugs that are tolerated by that IE browser. Limping thru the pages content shed about the least light possible on products, in a poorly organized and slow to download fashion.
behr.com was more useful, especially the ability to cruise the color chart in 3 dimensions which is impossible in store displays. However there was a maddening restriction of having to lock in a color first before cruising the paleness and color saturations spectrums. If you had the right paleness and c.s., you can't change the color a notch without reseting other values to middle... requiring many slow clicks to restore those other values. Any other better 3-D color tables?
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Get a real browser, ya douchebag......
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