As this thread approaches it's preordained conclusion I'm reminded of
those master debaters from Python and the 4 Yorkshiremen skit.
Four well-dressed men sitting together at a vacation resort.
"Farewell to Thee" being played in the background on
Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.
Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de
Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?
Terry Gilliam: You're right there Obediah.
Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin'
here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?
MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price
of a cup o' tea.
GC: A cup ' COLD tea.
EI: Without milk or sugar.
TG: OR tea!
MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.
EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a
rolled up newspaper.
GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me,
"Money doesn't buy you happiness."
EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to
live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.
GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in
one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the
floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for
fear of FALLING!
TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live
in a corridor!
MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been
a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip.
We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish
dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.
EI: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered
by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.
GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go
and live in a lake!
TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and
sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.
MP: Cardboard box?
MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper
bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in
the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work
down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we
got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock
in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to
work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home,
and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken
bottle, if we were LUCKY!
TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the
shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean
with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel,
worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every
six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in
two with a bread knife.
EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night,
half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a
lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill,
and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when
we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our
graves singing "Hallelujah."
MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they
won't believe ya'.
ALL: Nope, nope..
Sat, Jan 3, 2004, 11:33am (EST-3) email@example.com
Boy, some of you guy's are really stretching.
Now try, churning your own butter, after you separated your own
milk. Then, molding the butter, in wooden butter molds. Water from a
well, with a bucket. Or, water from a stream, with a bucked, on a tram
line. Cornbread and milk, instead of cereal. Or, saltine crackers and
milk, instead of cereal. Lucky Strike green - I can ony vaguely recall
those tho. Digging a new outhouse hold, and moving the outhouse.
We did have electricty when I was a kid, but I've visited relatives
who didn't. We had running water, but only cold. We did not have
indoor plumbing. We moved when I was in the 7th grade, and that was our
first indoor plumbing, and first hot water. And, later, our first
telephone. And, even later, first television.