From: The NewOfficial Rules by Paul Dickson.
(The preceding Universal Disclaimer [UD) was assembled by Joseph E.
Badger of Santa Claus, Indiana, who proposes that it appear on all new
products. He was kind enough to allow the Murphy Center, which assumes
no responsibility for its use, to pioneer its use as a book
This text may contain explicit material some readers may find
objectionable; parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight,
no money down, slippery when wet.
A consumer credit report may be requested in connection with this
application or in connection with updates, renewals, or extensions of
any credit granted as a result of this application. Member F.D.I.C.
Keep away from pets.
This offer is void where prohibited, taxed or otherwise restricted, and
no purchase is necessary; however entries must be postmarked by October
11. Some assembly required.
Action figures sold separately, no preservatives added, and there is a
substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Use only with proper
ventilation, keep away from open flame, and do nor inhale fumes. At
participating stores. Slightly higher west of the Rockies and you must
be 18 to enter, licensed drivers only. If ingested do not induce
vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Dealer prep
extra; batteries not included. Sold for industrial use only.
If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself;
return to an authorized service center or send pre-paid to
manufacturer. You need not be present to win.
Please allow four to six weeks for delivery; no salt added. Taxes are
not included and the price is plus tax and your old tires. This offer
expires at midnight, December 31, member FSLIC. All sales final, all
rights reserved, and prices subject to change without notice. Keep out
of the reach of children, limit one per family please. Call before you
Quantities are limited while supplies last; not street legal in some
states. Offer good only in U.S.A. Prices and mileage vary; hardware and
instructions are included and wattages stated are maximum recommended.
Sorry, no C.O.D.s
This product is guaranteed to be free of any physical defects, design
flaws, and poor workmanship. Misuse or abuse invalidates the guarantee.
Product must be used only for its intended purpose and accordance with
manufacturer's specific warning. Read and follow label instructions.
Any amount paid is not refundable without proof of purchase (UPC) and
cashier's receipt showing date and place of purchase with the amount
paid for this product encircled.
This message is intended for the private use of our readers and any
reproduction, rebroadcast, or any other accounts of this message
without the prior written consent of the National Football League is
strictly prohibited. Check local zoning laws before ordering; slightly
enlarged to show detail. We make no warranty, either expressed or
implied, including, but not limited to, any implied warranties of
merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose, regarding these
materials, and make such materials available solely on an "as is"
basis. Close cover before striking.
For external use only and occupancy by over ten persons is prohibited
by the Fire Marshall and the laws of this state. If a rash, irritation,
or swelling develops, discontinue use. Pat. Pending. Reg. U.S. Pat.
Off. Copyrighted, trademark on file with the Federal Trade Commission,
and failure to reduce speed so as to avoid collision with any vehicle
on, near, or entering the highway is in violation of I.C.C.
9-4-1-57(a). Tumble dry only.
The sole and exclusive liability, regardless of form of action, shall
not exceed the purchase price of the materials described herein. Do not
exceed the recommended dosage and those who brought you this message
are solely responsible for its content. Which, by the way, contains NO
sodium, carbohydrates, or polyunsaturated fats; it LOW sugar and
caffeine free. Before using consult your doctor.
Tested and rated by Underwriter's Laboratories; avoid extreme
temperatures and store in a cool, place. No artificial colors or
flavoring has been added; hart hat and safety goggles are required. We
reserve the right to refuse service to anyone regardless of race,
creed, color, or national origin, and we are not responsible not
responsible for lost articles or personal property, public or private.
You break it, you bought it! Do not place near a magnetic source.
Recommended for adults over 21 only and in no event shall we be liable
to anyone for specific, collateral, incidental, or consequential
damages in connection with or arising out of purchase or use of these
materials. Some restriction apply. Do not use if safety seal is broken.
Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and
purely coincidental. This warranty gives you specific legal rights
which vary from state to state. Sorry, we cannot be responsible for
errors in typing, typography, or photography. The possibility of
electrical shock does exist if you remove if you remove the cover and
leave the devices plugged in and/or turned on. Be sure to unplug the
device from the power outlet and clean only with a soft, dry cloth.
Keep away from moisture, rain, snow, snow, gloom of night, and so
forth. User assumes full responsibility.
The Surgeon General of the United States has warned that smoking this
product could be hazardous to your health and that the best safeguard,
second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. Except as provided
herein, no employee, agent, franchisee, dealer, or other person is
authorized to give any warranties of any nature. Some states do not
allow the limitation or exclusion of incidental or consequential
damages, so the above may not apply to you.
We make no warranty as to the design, capability, or suitability for
use except as provided in this paragraph. Do not fold, mutilate, or
spindle. Money orders or cashier's check only. Terms and specifications
may change without notice. All returns must be accompanied with a
Credit Return authorization number on shipping carton.
To avoid accidental erasure, remove appropriate tab or cover
write-protect notch with tape. No part of this message covered by the
copyright herein may be reproduced or copied in any form by any means
graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording,
taping, or information storage and retrieval systems without written
permission of author and publisher. No admittance by anyone under 17
unless accompanied by an adult. Shut off engine.
Do not puncture, incinerate or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
Avoid contact with the eyes and skin and avoid inhaling vapors. Do not
clean with abrasives and do not use on suede, leather, or vinyl, or
plastic or allow to come in contact with paint finish or chrome.
Information in this message is subject to change; see your
representative for the latest information. An equal housing lender.
Live, except on the West Coast.
Connect Ground wire to avoid shock. Do not remove protective covering.
Price and availability subject to change. Four-week clearance on
personal checks. Compatibility not guaranteed. Add 3 percent for Visa
and Master Card, 5 percent for American Express. Texas residents add
8.25 percent sales tax. Color monitors not included. Do not remove
protective cover. Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. Return
shipments are subject to a restocking fee. Add 3 percent for shipping
and handling. We reserve the right to substitute equivalent items.
Bridge freezes before highway.
Payment in U.S. currency only. Warranty does not cover accidental
damage, misuse, misapplication, or damage resulting from modification
or service other than an authorized service center. Minimum order
$10.00; some shipments subject to additional freight. Watch for fallen
rock. An equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt, no service.
The purpose of this warning is to advise service personnel that using
anything but factory-specified components may affect the approval of
safety of the unit. It is recommended that only direct replacement
parts be used, and that extreme care be taken in servicing items in
hazardous or potentially hazardous locations.
UL approval requires that only the specified battery for which this
unit was designed is used. Use of any other battery may invalidate the
UL listing. Substitute of components may impair intrinsic safety. Do
not recharge mercury batteries and do not dispose of batteries in fire
as an explosion may occur.
Furthermore, the purchase or use of this product or service shall not
be deemed to grant either directly or by implication, estoppel, or
otherwise, any license under the normal nonexclusive royalty free
license to use that arises by operation of law in sale of a product.
Caution: Federal law prohibits the transfer of this product to any
person other than the patient for whom it was prescribed and the law
further prohibits dispensing without a prescription. (Harmful if
swallowed and minor allergic skin reaction may occur whether swallowed
or administered to any portion of the body.) Take with food or milk.
Note:This warning label may self-destruct and/or the paper on which it
is printed can burn if placed in an environment capable of combustion
(i.e. where oxygen and an ignition source are available.) If this
document/label should ignite, place in a nonflammable container, remove
to a safe area, preferably out-of-doors, and either extinguish using
methods approved by fire safety codes in your area and the State Fire
Marshall's Office or cover container with a fireproof material to
eliminate oxygen supply to burning substance.
Offer limited to one coupon per specified product. Any other
application constitutes fraud. Reproductions will not be honored.
If this document is burning, do not inhale fumes or permit smoke to get
in your eyes nor should you touch the material at any time.
We offer no extensions or exceptions to the manufacturer's warranty
policies. All defective products shipped by us will be handled in
accordance with the manufacturer's stated warranty terms in the owner's
manual of the defective product.
We reserve the right to correct any shipping error. Any customer
receiving an incorrect product, which is not the product ordered, must
contact us within five working days after receiving the incorrect
product to obtain return authorization. The product must be returned
within twenty-one days. After receipt, the product will promptly be
inspected to ensure it is in "new condition." After inspection, we will
promptly reship the product at our expense.
Products shipped but not accepted will be refunded less a restocking
fee of 10 percent of the original purchase price but not less ten (10)
dollars. Second, shipping costs will also be deducted from the refund.
We ship only new products; therefore, once a customer orders and
accepts an order it cannot be returned for a refund or credit, as it is
then considered used merchandise.
To avoid danger of suffocation, do not use in cribs, beds, carriages,
or playpens. This warranty does not cover misuse, accident, lightning,
flood, tornado, tsunami, volcano eruption, earthquake and other acts of
God. neglect, damage caused by improper installation, incorrect line
voltage, improper or unauthorized repair, broken antenna or marred
cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, blasting by mine crews,
jack-hammering, or sonic boom vibrations and customer adjustments that
are not covered in the instruction book.
Warranty valid only on products purchased and used in the United
States. Warranty is not valid if incident occurs owing to an airplane
crash, ship sinking, or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, or
because of dropping item. This warranty does not cover falling rock,
leaky roof, broken glass, or mud slide, forest fire or projectile
(which can include, but not limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's,
shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes or emissions or X rays, Alpha, Beta
& Gamma rays, darts, knives, stones, etc.)
Liability for loss, delay, or damage to baggage is limited, unless a
higher value declared in advance and additional charges are paid. A
coat, umbrella, pocketbook, camera, binoculars, infant food, and
reading material for the trip are carried free and not included in the
free baggage allowance. Baggage is subject to tariffs, including
limitations of liability therein contained.
Passenger shall comply with government travel requirements, present
exit and entry and other required documents, and arrive at the airport
by the time fixed by the carrier or, if time is not fixed, early enough
to complete departure procedures.
No agent, servant, or representative of carrier has authority to alter,
modify, or waive any provision of this contract.
No merchandise will be accepted without a current return authorization
number clearly shown on the outside of the package. Return
authorizations are obtained through our Customer Relations Department.
"Lovely to look at, delightful to hold; but if you break it, consider
The user takes full responsibility for everything and anything that
could and/or does go wrong resulting in any kind or type of problem,
difficulty, embarrassment, loss of money or goods or services or sleep
or anything else whatsoever. We are not responsible for lost articles.
The preceding was a paid political announcement.