Miss Manners column on discussing chore division

[Lenona]

Lovely response by MM, as one would expect. (Bottom line: It's better to start off by talking about what you're able and willing to do - and, if possible, with an attitude of good will, not avoidance.)

I almost wish, though, that she'd said something about how even though "men's chores" tend to be somewhat dangerous and exhausting (such as working on the roof), that doesn't mean that those are the chores that need doing every day or even every week! (Something men's apologists tend to ignore.) Dishes, on the other hand, MUST be at least removed from the sink every day, if only because to do otherwise is gross and depressing. Likewise, in a family of four or more, the laundry needs to be done a lot.

Lenona.

[DanS.]

Lenona added the following to the totality of all human wisdom on

10/28/2010 in writing

I'm a single father of two. I can tell you, we have our own jobs, they've been doing thier own laundry since they were old enough to reach the knobs on the washer and dryer, and we each take a turn at the dishes.

Forget asking who is "willing" to do what. It needs to be done, and you all need to do it. I cook, he does the trash, she does the floors, they share the bathroom every other week, and we take turns washing the dog. Other odds and ends are easy to split up.

[Lenona]

Yes, well, KIDS certainly shouldn't be allowed to do only the chores they like! But MM was dealing with a couple with no kids, so that's clearly different.

However, with regard to chore division and children who are over a certain age, one good system I heard of (courtesy of Dr. John Rosemond) was simply to have family members exchange chores no more than once every four months. (Though some may want to lower that to every two months or so.) The reason, of course, is so there will never be any arguments starting with "it's not my turn!" Another good reason is that kids are more likely to do a good job at a particular chore the longer they spend PRACTICING. A parent can also say "you're not switching chores until after a certain number of months OR until you learn to do them right without whining, whichever comes second."

Lenona.

[Kalmia]

A woman was signing in on a doctor's sheet and I saw her write-

111011 (for the date) and I asked if that was her name in binary. Received very odd wtf look.

[Lenona]

Here's another one from MM (also regarding a childless couple):

However, it's mainly about what NOT to do when you don't live - yet - at the same residence.

Lenona.