A 22-year-old college student in Rhode Island learned the hard way
that, while you can get away with a lot of dumb drunken shit in
college, what you absolutely cannot do is defy basic physics and do
something like run through an eight-inch wide alley. For reasons that
escape even her, Courtney Malloy attempted just such a feat and, of
course, got stuck.
The Providence fire department was called to the scene after witnesses
heard her yelling for help.
"She was completely shaking and panicking and out of shape,"
witness David Boutros, who owns a nearby bar, told the station. "She
was panicking, she looked like she had a few alcohol
She didn't know
what to do. She was stuck between two buildings. She was trapped and
she was breathing heavy."
Apparently, not only was she stuck in the alley, she was stuck in the
alley over two feet off the ground.
"It appears she was trying to make her way through the alley, and
it got too tight for her," acting Battalion Chief Jeffrey Varone told
NBC-10 News. "She kept trying to get her way in, and she wedged
herself in, about 24 inches off the ground in a horizontal position,
and she was unable to move."
Because of the whole "24 inches off the ground" part, firefighters
initially thought she'd fallen from one of the rooftops but no, it was
just pure drunken determination that got her there.
Rescuers had to remove a fence and bash in part of the alley's
concrete walls to free her, a process that took over an hour.
When reached for comment, Malloy said: "But you know what I learned
from this? Nothing. I learned nothing. It's just something that
happened (and it just so happens that it happened to me). Life is
crazy. But I already knew that last Thursday, and so did you."
Wait, nevermind, that was someone else. Malloy told WPRI that she was
trying out a shortcut and that's how she became stuck.
Despite the embarrassment and probable hangover, Malloy was fine and
back at work the next day.
There is a picture of a Crisco can in the comments. I was thinking
wire soap. Not the yellow 77, but they make a clear soap. We called
it poly water at Watts Bar.