A couple of years ago there was a flap over US and Canadian sports teams
booing each other's national anthems. Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly
responded with the following article, which is pretty funny, give it a read:
You went too damn far this time.
First you tried to pawn off that
bad ham as bacon. Then you stuck us with Celine Dion
and no instructions on how to turn her off. But when
you started booin' our national anthem, Bubba, you
peed on the wrong leg.
It happened five times last week. Vancouver Canucks
fans roundly booed The Star-Spangled Banner before
two home playoff games against the Colorado
Avalanche, and Edmonton Oilers fans booed it before
three home games against the Dallas Stars.
Hey, Roseanne wasn't even singin' it!
I know it's not easy playin' Paul Shaffer to our David
Letterman, but we don't deserve this. Don't we keep
our border open to you people? Put up with that gross
Tom Green and his televised testicles? Let you park
your Zambonis anyplace you want?
O.K., our anthem isn't the catchiest tune, but it's
We don't like Muslim point guards sittin' down while
it's played, and we don't like Canadians like Robert
Goulet forgettin' the words to it, and we sure as hell
don't like a bunch of plaid-wearin', moose-speakin'
McKenzie brothers booin' it. Don't forget, we've got a
Texan on the button now.
Nobody's quite sure why you're booin'. Maybe you
think if you disrespect somebody else's country, it
makes you more patriotic. Maybe Vancouver is hacked
off about losing its NBA Grizzlies to a U.S. city.
Edmonton fans have had it up to their earflaps with
gettin' punked by the Stars in the playoffs four
straight seasons. Or maybe fans hear the rumors that
the Oilers are the next Canadian hockey team that's
going to pack up and move across the border. Or
maybe you drink about three dozen too many Labatts
before the games. But you buncha lumberjacks just
crossed a 3,987-mile line.
Well, I know what it is. You're sore at how we're
whippin' you at your game. A Canadian team hasn't won
the Stanley Cup since 1993. You've only got six teams
left out of the 30 in the league, and those six are
lookin' paler than a Saskatoon stripper. None of 'em
have a snowball's chance this year, and most are
broker than Braniff. Meanwhile, there are teams in
such hockey hotbeds as Dallas, Miami, Phoenix (you
remember that team, right? Used to be in Winnipeg),
San Jose and Tampa.
Your dollar is worth, what, 65 cents now? How many
pesos is that? Two? And now a Coloradan, George
Gillet Jr., is trying to buy your crown jewel, the
Montreal Canadiens. Is that beautiful? Hope he starts
serving tacos and Bud and slappin' all those snooty
French Canadians on the back with, "How's it hangin',
You had to be pretty desperate to boo ol' Frank Key's
jingle. The Avalanche (you remember that team, right?
Used to be in Quebec) was on its way to sweepin' out
the Canucks four-zip, and most of the Colorado
players are Canadians anyhow. You even pissed off
Avalanche captain Joe Sakic, and he's from suburban
Vancouver! You're booin' your next-igloo neighbor.
Plus, you've been runnin' those Molson beer "I Am
Canadian" ads up there the last three years, takin'
shots at us, callin' Canada "the best part of North
America." One ad mocked us for our basic
friendliness, like when you tell us you're from
and we say, "Hey, do you know Suzy? She's from
O.K., we do know one guy you might know -- Wayne
Gretzky. Owns a piece of the Phoenix club. You thought
he'd come back after he'd seen Hollywood, the beach
and Janet Jones naked? Yeah, right. He figured out
early on that he was stayin', especially after his
Canadian buddies came to his house in L.A., saw the
long, steep driveway and moaned, "Wayner, you'll
never get up this in the winter."
I notice Larry Walker hasn't moved back, either. Or
Michael J. Fox. Or Jim Carrey. Gee, can't imagine why.
Other than fat taxes, tiny temperatures and the fact
that a big Saturday night is sittin' next to a hole in
ice waitin' for a lunk to come along while keepin'
bait warm in your mouth.
You know what a Canadian guy asks before he agrees
to a blind date? "Does she have her own jumper
cables?" You know how to spell Canada? C, eh? N, eh?
So that's it. Burn the Peace Bridge. This is war. Your
only job was to stay quiet up there, send us the
occasional smoked salmon and protect us from invasion
by Greenland. But you went and ruined it. You think we
can't take all them sissy Mounties? We can whip them
with Rulon Gardner alone.
Tell you what. We either get an apology by the
morning, or you hosers can forget about becoming our