OT: what is 100% (humour)

[Dave]

Not DIY but it gave me a chuckle:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If the latters A to Z are represented by the numbers 1 to 26 then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top.

-- Dave S (The return email address is a dummy)

[Mary Fisher]

Thanks for that!

Mary

[Andy Wade]

Another old classic[1] in similar vein goes like this:

Start with two postulates: (1) Knowledge is Power, (2) Time is Money.

Since (in physics) Power is the rate of doing Work, we can write (ignoring minor details such as differentials):

Power = Work / Time

From the postulates, Power = Knowledge and Time = Money. Substituting, we get

Knowledge = Work / Money

Re-arranging,

Money = Work / Knowledge

Hence Money will tend to infinity as Knowledge approaches zero, regardless of the amount of Work. An elegant explanation of why ignorance rises at high organisational levels :-)

[1] Attributed to someone by the name of Denis M. Poirier according to Bob Pease in his column in the US magazine Electronic Design, c. 1998.

[quisquiliae]

and then

X = time * money

time is money, threfore

X = money^2

money is the root of all evil, therefore

X = evil

[Dave Jones]

That should be love of money is the root of all evil, therefore

evil = money+love

[raden]

Burn the witch

[raden]

In message , Dave Jones writes

Don't you mean that evil = money ^2

[Roger]

The message from Andy Wade contains these words:

Or how dIMM has enough money to enable him to spend all his waking hours on usenet without doing an ounce of paid work.