Earlier today Doctor Drivel, the well known poet, troll and sock puppet from uk.d-i-y, drowned in a bizarre hacksaw accident at his home in Little Middle England.
Preliminary reports from the scene suggest that he was trying to fit a cat litter tray beneath his second combi when the accident happened.
It appears that the door to his kitchen had become jammed by a large flag which had, in turn, got tangled with the lock allowing the kitchen to completely fill with water.
He taken to hospital by ambulance and pronounced dead on arrival. A hospital spokesman later described his condition as "Satisfactory".
The precise cause of death is yet to be confirmed. Claims, by a local resident, that he had a distinct boot print on the back of his neck, were later denied by a spokesman for uk.d-i-y, who suggested that it was a birthmark and would probably wash off anyway.
The alarm was raised by his neighbour. "I was very concerned when I couldn't hear him walking around muttering and bumping into things. When the caretaker opened the door we just found his battered armchair and a pile of plumbing catalogues dropped next to the empty takeaway cartons. It was the water leaking over the kitchen door that concerned us most, but fortunately the caretaker knew where the stop tap was."
Asked if she and Doctor Drivel were friends she laughed and replied, "Good Lord no. I only used to see him passing by on his way to sit in the Library. He always carried a Screwfix catalogue tucked inside the cover of an old 'Playboy' in the mistaken hope that people would think him interesting."
Over the years Doctor Drivel, or "that pratt" as he was usually known, had become a regular contributor to the uk.d-i-y newsgroup although the value of his contributions varied widely.
Sometimes he would give out good, sensible advice, but mostly (when the brochure was out of reach) he would dispense twaddle that would take your breath away.
A taxi driver commented, "I never met nobody else who gave so much duff advice on subjects he knew nothing about", which is of course quite an admission for a taxi driver.
His constant use of different sock puppets, while allowing him to avoid a lot of kill files, could cause confusion on occasions. Most noticeably when he was found not only to be arguing with himself, but actually losing the argument.
In recent weeks his, so called, memory had deteriorated with his constant mixing up of names getting slowly replaced by a creeping megalomania.
His long time shrink and social worker said that Drivel was worried that he had an inferiority complex, and that it wasn't a very good one. When asked to expand on this, the shrink replied that Drivel didn't really have an inferiority complex - he was just inferior.
The funeral will take place when the bins are emptied on Thursday with a cremation shortly afterwards at the council incinerator.
No flowers, or pushfit fittings, by request.
Finally let me end this announcement in the way he would have most wished it.
John