Friggin cold phone callers

[brass monkey]

Just had a call from 06041623 - My name is garble (female) phoning on behalf of garble garble. Is your name ... ... of this address .... ..... Me: It might be Her: Can I ask a few questions? Me: go on then Her: Calls may be recorded for training etc etc How do you pronounce your christian name? Me: Hang on a sec, what are you selling, where are you going with this? Her: You f***in' bastard. Me: LMFAO and thanked her very much.

Half an hour earlier we had some hawker at the door, wifey answered it and was chatting for quite a while. She came in and said this guy is selling all sorts of stuff like this chamois leather for 15, he says he's been a bad boy but is trying to change his life etc etc, yes, I know, hook line and sinker. So I kindly asked him to sling his hook. Geeeeeeeeez.

[DerekG]

Might I suggest you try the following with grateful thanks to "Paul C Dickie" ...

"Come the next election, I'm going to hang some garlic in the porch lest Gordon mac Shite-Features tries canvassing despite the sign which reads:

"The following are NOT welcome: Hawkers, salesmen, peddlers, box- wallahs, vagrants, mendicants, proselytisers for religion or politics, canvassers of any description whatsoever, putative fishmongers, antique dealers 'on the knock', vendors of animal droppings or folk who are 'just doing some work up the road'. If you fit into one or more of those categories, just bugger off." "

DerekG

[David]

(snip)

We get them every 6-8 weeks or so. Ex-offenders trying to sell stuff from large hold-alls. Part of a scheme called 'new start' or something similar.

I cannot see how getting no sale at every door can help them. The constant rejection is not conducive to re-integrating them, is it ?

Some turn quite nasty when told 'no thanks'. It does not help that I am a poor communicator. So now I will not answer the door.

David

[Bert Coules]

I've had a recent spate of two distinct kinds of cold calls:

"Just a quick two minute survey" calls from a source which my phone's display can only identify as "International - Out Of Area. These are real people, possibly in India, and they ask for me by name. I've tried various techniques to stop them, including telling the caller that "Mr Coules died last week" and on one occasion actually going through the entire survey (which took a deal longer than two minutes) giving false but plausible answers to every question. The calls still continue.

Automated calls. On answering there's a fractional pause then a recorded voice.

If there's an answering machine switched on at the time of the call, both real people and machines just hang up without saying a word.

All this despite my being registered with the TPS.

Bert

[Tim Watts]

On Wednesday 06 March 2013 16:33 Bert Coules wrote in uk.d-i-y:

Have you tried:

"What colour knickers are you wearing" (to either sex of caller).

[Bert Coules]

I couldn't be that vulgar. But in any case, the problem is not terminating any particular call but preventing further ones: and since no two callers ever seem to be the same, insulting or offending an individual would presumably have little or no effect.

Bert

[Tim Lamb]

The recorded ones I get often have an option to press 5 if interested or

9 if not. Job to say if it works though. Also TPS:-(

[Bob Eager]

That's one I've been using for years. But sometimes, if they are male, I ask them the colour of their boyfriend's knickers.

[The Medway Handyman]

IIRC the TPS is voluntary and only applies to UK calls.

[Chris J Dixon]

"The Telephone Preference Service (TPS) is a central opt out register whereby individuals can register their wish not to receive unsolicited sales and marketing telephone calls. It is a legal requirement that companies do not make such calls to numbers registered on the TPS. The original legislation was introduced in May 1999. It has subsequently been updated and now the relevant legislation is the Privacy and Electronic Communications (EC Directive) Regulations

2003. It is unlawful to make direct marketing calls to individuals who have indicated that they do not want to receive such calls. "

"Companies based abroad who call into the UK and who are making calls on behalf of UK based companies, must comply with UK regulations and screen their call lists against the Telephone Preference Service (TPS) before making an unsolicited sales and marketing call to a UK telephone number. We do make the file available to overseas based companies under licence for the purpose of suppression so they know whom not to telephone but, many overseas companies who telephone the UK on their own account from overseas do so to avoid legal and self regulatory restrictions. If you have received a live unsolicited direct marketing call from overseas from a company that you can identify and whom you think may be a UK company please log a complaint with TPS using the online complaints form. If is deemed by TPS that the unsolicited direct marketing call that you received from overseas was from or made on behalf of a company with presence in the UK we will investigate, and raise a complaint in the UK against the offending company where it is possible to do so. "

Chris

[Sam Plusnet]

snip lots more

Which is why many of the cold calls I get (despite the TPS) claim to be "a survey" or "reminding me I still haven't claimed..." etc. etc.

i.e. enough wriggle-room (in their view) to evade legislation.

I also still get cold calls from a newspaper to which I once subscribed. They will no doubt claim that I am "a customer" and thus this is not a cold call - despite the fact I cancelled that subscription over 5 years ago.

[tony sayer]

In article , Bert Coules scribeth thus

Still one of the best!..

Enjoy;)....

[Bert Coules]

On the few occasions when I've listened to enough of one of the calls to find out, it has always seemed to be on behalf of a range of different companies - admittedly all UK-based, though. I've always assumed that this is what enables the call to meet the "survey" work-around and escape the legislation.

Bert

[Tim Watts]

On Wednesday 06 March 2013 18:40 Bob Eager wrote in uk.d-i-y:

LMAO :)

[Bob Eager]

If they call here, and don't give caller ID:

(tri-tone) [knocks off automated stuff] (pause) "If you are a telemarketer, press 1." "If you are conducting a survey, press 2." "If we have won a holiday, press 3." .... If they press 1: "All members of the household are currentlt assisting other telemarketers. Please hold; you are in a queue...." (etc.)

[SteveW]

They would be correct in their claim. However, I am pretty sure that if you request to be removed from their database and after allowing a reasonable period (I think 3 weeks has been mentioned), any further calls are just as illegal as if you had never been a customer.

SteveW

[chrisj.doran%proemail.co.uk]

IME answering a "survey" usually results in a load of calls from people who sponsored it and with whom you arguably now have a relationship establishe d by answering the survey.

Silent calls can be reported at

ebflow/silent-calls/ and recorded calls at If enough people do this, it just might result in prosecutions -- potentially a lot more satisfying than jus t winding up the callers.

Chris

[Bert Coules]

Listening to that is something of a guilty pleasure, given that the joke is at the expense of someone who's only following a script in order to keep an almost certainly badly-paid job, but yes, it is very funny.

Thanks for the link.

Bert

[Frederick Williams]

Practice makes perfect.

[Dave Plowman (News)]

I then ask for their billing details so I can charge them for the information they want. After all, they're not doing it for free...