On asthma attacks and why...

[Lenona]

...a certain level of housecleaning should not be considered "a matter of preference."

First, about asthma. (Of course, one doesn't always know when one's guest or house employee has asthma - but that's no excuse for putting anyone at risk for an asthma attack.)

Excerpt:

"...In some cases, asthma attacks can be deadly. In 2019, 3,524Trusted Source people in the U.S. died of an asthma attack, which is equivalent to 10 people in every million.

"When airways become severely inflamed and constricted, they cannot deliver enough oxygen to the lungs. Mucus and phlegm can also fill the airways, restricting breathing even more.

"Most people with asthma are able to keep their condition under control by avoiding their triggers, taking medication to control their asthma, and taking medication when their asthma symptoms worsen.

"Around 5–10% of people in the U.S. with asthma have severe asthma, which does not respond to the usual medications. These individuals will need to get a referral to a specialist asthma clinic so a medical team can find the right combination of treatments that work for them. Doctors do not yet know why some people develop severe asthma..." ___________________________________________________

And I found out recently that, regarding asthma, it isn't just dust that needs removing (preferably two or three times a month, at least).

So the next time your spouse or roommate tries to shirk his/her share of kitchen cleanup, dusting, or vacuuming, you can dig up that article.

And it's worth saying again that when you're teaching children to do chores without being reminded, one great system is to exchange chores only every four to six months - or even longer if the kids deliberately do bad jobs or deliberately break dishes. At least with that schedule, they can't say "it's not my turn!"

[Lenona]

Speaking of shirking and deliberately doing chores wrong...

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a bright, high-functioning 16-year-old daughter.

I have been teaching her how to perform basic household chores (I do the same with our 12-year-old son), and some basic cooking and cleaning skills in order to have some help at home, but mainly so that our kids will understand that everyone in the family pitches in, and that it’s important to have some life-skills. I am a stay-at-home parent and a busy volunteer at their school.

At first I thought our daughter didn’t understand some of these basic instructions, which I had shown her and then written down. She just couldn’t seem to get things right. She used floor cleaner on the stove, left wet paper towels on the wooden dining room table, damaging it, and a few other mess-ups like “forgetting” to put wet laundry in the dryer, but leaving it on the floor, instead.

Then I overheard her bragging to her cousin that she was purposely messing up in order to get me to back off.

I am furious. My husband thinks she’s being clever and doesn’t want to punish her.

What do you think I should do now?

– Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: I think it’s time your daughter learned another life-skill – the concept of natural consequences.

In short, if she fails a task, she will be asked to do it again, until she demonstrates some basic competence.

If she deliberately causes damage, then she should be expected to compensate the family for it.

If she does a load of laundry and deliberately leaves wet clothes on the floor instead of in the dryer, you can place the soggy pile onto her bed.

You should do your best to stay calm throughout: “I get it that you don’t want to do this. I don’t enjoy doing it, either. I’ll just hold onto your phone (laptop, etc.) until you figure out how to do this. You’ll get there!”

And because your husband thinks this is so clever, perhaps he should take over these household chores that make his life easier and assume some responsibility for teaching your children some of these skills.

In my opinion, he is a big part of the problem. If he teamed up with you, your daughter wouldn’t disrespect your household so easily.

(end)

[Lenona]

I found one comment I liked, in particular. (For some reason, when it comes to advice columns, the WaPo - and maybe the NYT - seem to be the ONLY media, these days, that have comments.)

GiaRose (one day ago - I found this when the comments were listed by "newest"):

"Chores Mom,

"You can only be a doormat if you lie down and are willing to be walked on.

"First, husband needs to get in line and share the responsibility or do it himself

"Second - ...start putting the hammer down

"My son turns 40 in Jan and to this day he knows I mean what I say. I never made threats I just was consistent. When he didn’t put his clothes away they went in a garbage bag for a week and he had to wash the same outfit for a week every night - himself. He started doing his own laundry at 12.

"I started when he was a toddler with putting toys away - the job of a parent is to teach boundaries, guidelines, independence in a loving way.

"I also rewarded the right behavior often.

"He us now not only successful he is a wonderful family man and a true 100% partner sharing all the parenting, laundry and cooking

"I was a single Mom and he had ADHD. It was hard but wow was it worth it.

"Recently he gave me the ultimate gift in telling me I was the best Mom and apologized for the antics I had to deal with when he was a teen and how it’s helped him as a parent.

"My step kids parents are jellyfish with no spine. Both kids now have many problems as adults because they were indulged and are finding out the hard way the rest of the world won’t put up with the entitlement- both have struggled with jobs and marriage as a result."