Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I ill say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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One of my undergrad mathematics professors had a poster on his wall entitled "Comparison of Various Disciplines." It ran something like this:
When asked to prove the false conjecture that all odd numbers are prime:
The mathematician says, "9 is not prime; clearly the conjecture is false."
The theologian says, "1 is prime -- yes, all odd numbers are prime."
The physicist says, "1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime -- no, wait, 9 is composite -- 11 is prime, 13 is prime -- yes, all odd numbers are prime; 9 must be an experimental error."
The engineer says, "1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is prime..."
--
Regards,
Doug Miller (alphageek at milmac dot com)
  Click to see the full signature.
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What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?
A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening the door first.
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DJ Delorie wrote: | What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics? | | A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening | the door first.
Yes; but he can't know for certain that it's actually in there at any given instant. :-)
-- Morris Dovey DeSoto Solar DeSoto, Iowa USA http://www.iedu.com/DeSoto
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Morris Dovey wrote:

Well he can...but then he can't also know how fast it's going. :)
Chris
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And if he checks to see if it's there, then it will be different...
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Bruce T wrote:

And there is a very small but nonzero probability that it will be in his neighbor's garage as well.
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Chris Friesen wrote:

Ok - now lets explain again how the P orbital's probability envelope is a figure 8 shape, rotated about its long axis, with a zero probability at the nucleus, the pinch point of the figure 8. A hyrdrogen atom has only one electron, which means it cannot be in both parts of the figure 8 since it would have to pass through the nucleus to do so. That is theoretically impossible. So . . .?
It's a particle!
No, it's a wave!
"Just turn off the damned light!"
"Good night Gracie."
charlie b
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Hydrogen atoms have no P orbital. Only 1S orbital which is not figure 8 shaped.
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What about excited hydrogen (all set to emit a Lyman Alpha photon?) Or is the presence of a full S orbital (two electrons in the lowest energy state) necessary to produce the P orbitals in the first place? It's been over 30 years, lots of details are gone... :-(
In answer to the original question, it is common in qm to have multiple disjoint places where something can exist while being prohibited from being in between. For example, see the double slit experiments, described in any introductory quantum mechanics book. The electron is behaving like a wave and doesn't have a well defined location, just a probability of being in one of the lobes. (And a zero probability of being in the nucleus, since the lobes collapse to a point there.)
But like I said, its been over 30 years since I studied quantum mechanics, so I could have this all wrong. "But", to quote Adrian Monk, "I don't think so."
--
John

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John Santos wrote:

There's no contradiction. You simply can't use absolutist phrases like "where something can exist" and "prohibited from being in between" in QM.
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RE: Subject
Now Godiva was a lady, Who thru Coventry did ride,
Just to show to all the villagers, Her clean and Lilly white hide,
And of all the men assembled, Was an engineer of course,
The only man that noticed, That Godiva rode a horse,
Chorus:
We are, we are, we are the engineers, We can, we can, we can demolish 40 beers, Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and come away with us, For we don't give a damn, for any damn man, Who doesn't give a damn for us.
Lew
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Why parents drink
A boss wondered why his computer technician, one of his most valued employees had not arrived at work & had not phoned in sick either. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello." "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave! a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman" Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A helicopter" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again! , whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."
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Eddie wrote:

Wonderful!! Thanks for the laugh.
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