Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker

Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not...
Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker:
10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for crosscutting Asparagas
9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin..
8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck
7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's
6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin' for clamps at 1/2 off
5) You can add fractions like nobody's business
4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good"
3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up
2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as fireplace kindling
And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker:
1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!)
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LOL :) Nice!
-- Regards,
Dean Bielanowski Editor, Online Tool Reviews http://www.onlinetoolreviews.com ------------------------------------------------------------ Latest 5 Reviews: - Workshop Essentials Under $30 - Festool PS 300 Jigsaws - Delta Universal Tenoning Jig - Ryobi Reciprocating Saw - Infinity Router Bits ------------------------------------------------------------
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john moorhead wrote:

<SNIP>
Very nicely done ... In that spirit, since there are a lot of new faces here on the Wreck, let me repost something I did here several years ago - how to tell when you are no longer a WWing Rookie: -----------------------------------------------------------------------
After 5 years of wood-butchery, er I mean, Fine Woodworking, it occurs to me that we need a formal standard by which someone can declare themselves no longer a rookie but a "Woodworker" with all the privileges which accrue to the title. I suggest some measures below, but others in the rec.woodworking news group on the internet have added many more. You'll have to look those up yourself! By-The-Way, I'll 'fess up, I've most of the things below at least once and sometimes more than once -
You're No Longer A Woodworking Rookie When: ========================================== - You've blown a hole in the door of your garage-cum-workshop when a piece of oak gets trapped between the router bit going 24,000 rpm and the fence (which is standing still). You've repaired the hole so well no one notices.
- Your saw blade cost as much/more than your table saw.
- The only thing original about your table saw is the the motor and the on-off switch.
- You'd rather take SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) to a jewelry store than go to the woodworking store because the only router bits you don't own cost more than any piece of jewelry she might desire.
- You have storage problems because you cannot bear to part with that "gorgeous grained" 2" wide piece of cherry offcut.
- You own more than one router, and realize that you probably "need" more still.
- You ask SWMBO if it would be alright to install an air compressor system in the master bedroom above the garage-cum-workshop. You are deeply hurt with her emphatic "No chance in Hell," response.
- You're a white-collar professional who has to go to Bermuda once a year to ever actually see daylight, but own a big, bad truck and insist you bought it for "practical" reasons.
- You dropped your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Playboy to leave more time to read through the new Tool Crib And Trend Lines catalogs which appear in your mailbox every two or three days.
- Your fantasy life includes dreams of the 14" Radial Arm Saw at Home Depot.
- You spend as much/more time building fixtures, jigs, tooling, and storage for same as you do actually building final projects.
- Your own list of household "Things To Do" is much longer than the one SWMBO has for you.
- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress.
- You have memorized the features, prices, virtues, and vices of every Delta, DeWalt, Jet and Grizzly power tool. You have saved up for the ones you want. You cannot buy them because there isn't a free square inch of space in your garage-cum-workshop.
- You contemplate petitioning the Homeowner's Association for your townhome to allow you to erect a 50' x 50' barn in the common parking space. You seriously think you have shot at it.
- You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom.
- You consider your investment in Law School/Engineering/Medicine/Business a "complete waste" and ponder the $6/hr apprenticeship being offered at the local cabinet-maker's shop as a real career opportunity.
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim Daneliuk snipped-for-privacy@tundraware.com
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Tim Daneliuk repeats:

Prolly not. You wouldn't waste the time going to trendy parties, but most male woodworkers I know do NOT ignore stunning waitresses.

Women do tend to be irrational at times.
Charlie Self "Brevity is the soul of lingerie." Dorothy Parker http://hometown.aol.com/charliediy/myhomepage/business.html
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wrote:

You go to a trendy party or business function at the fashionable downtown bar.
You _made_ the oak bar.
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On Wed, 07 Jan 2004 04:37:26 GMT, "john moorhead"
I like reason #2...

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On Wed, 07 Jan 2004 04:37:26 GMT, "john moorhead"

Marilyn (the LOML) liked this one best.

True!
or Lee Valley

s Only works for you Yankees.

What about those of us without dust collectors?

That's also true of Marilyn.

ouch!
Other suggestions: When you visit a museum or old church in Europe, you examine the woodwork rather than the world famous art.
A woodie makes you think of Steve Knight
Luigi Replace "no" with "yk" for real email address
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