Soliciting a little OT humor

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<snip>

You know the difference between a fairy tale & a "sea story" don't you Charlie?
Well, you ain't gonna believe this sh*t . . related to me by family. My father had a garage & maintenance contract when they were building a local rail commuter line around here in the 30's(far enough back they were using old Model T "gravity dump" trucks). You ever hear of a Model T coil?(vibrator, feed it power, it starts sparking) Seems they had a decrepit old wooden chair in the shop held together with wire & nails, etc., and a couple nails in the seat were wired to a coil, with a switch mounted on a post nearby. You guessed it, newcomers got to sit in the *company* chair while a coffee break/BS session was going on, until someone decided it was time to energize them!
Nahmie
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Nahmie writes:

Well, yeah, I do believe it, though completed the circuit might be difficult. We used to take an old Ford hotshot coil and wire it to a wall locker while a guy was taking a shower. When he came flip-flopping out, naked but for a towel, he's reach for the wall locker handle and we'd toss a bucket of water onto the floor cover his feet and the metal legs of the lockers.
Noisy.
Charlie Self "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. " Dorothy Parker
http://hometown.aol.com/charliediy/myhomepage/business.html
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I knew a machinist years ago that used to be in the navy. The captain was always complaining to him that the coffee wasn't strong enough (he was a cook on board), no matter how strong he made it.
One day while on shore leave, he found a spoon made from eutectic alloy (low melting temperature below 212 degrees F). He bought it, and used it the next time the cap'n wanted coffee. As he delivered the requested cup and saucer, the spoon was on the saucer and he told the captain, "I hope the coffee is strong enough *this* time, sir."
The chief put the spoon in to stir the beverage, noticed something amiss, pulled it out to find it was partially gone, looked furtively about to see if anyone was watching, then quietly pitched it overboard. Nothing was ever said again about coffee being strong enough.
CE
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I have a friend that once worked at a printing shop. They routinely broke in a new employee by making him/her get the "paper strecher". I'm told the search usually took all day.... Phils got it -> Phil: Daves got it -> Dave: Saras got it ->... Great way to meet the whole staff!

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I worked at a telecom power supply manufacturer in the QC department and part of the job was testing, and more often than not, repairing the problem in place. We kept a small box of wire scrap and, if we were lucky, had a roll of the necessary wire by the bench, but on occasion we came up short. At one point I asked the new guy to go get the supervisor and bring back the cable stretcher for a wire that was just a bit too short. We all watched as he waddled off to the supervisors area and asked for the special tool (which was in fact him).
Working part time in the post office many years ago I was asked to go get the bag stretcher from the basement for the mail bags. Yeah I looked... then caught on... :-)

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Sometimes the newbies don't even need any encouragement from the old guys. Years ago I was assigned a newly hired tech and I told him he could fix a particular production line tester that was reported down again. An hour later he walks back with a big smile on his face, a fuse in his hand, and announces "I found the problem. The fuse is shorted!" A legend was born that day.
Art

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Mark wrote:

First day on the job at McDonald's, back in high school... This guy I sort of knew who was a friend of a friend kind of character... I didn't know him well, but I knew him better than anyone else in the place, so I sort of looked to him for guidance my first day on the job.
We got three busses, and in the middle of the ensuing chaos, he said "Quick, get [the manager] to give you the keys. You need to run back to the storage cage and get sesame seeds for the buns!"
So I did... Left my work area and went running around to find the boss, then I asked her for the keys. "@%#!#^#%$ WHAT THE @#%@#!%#!# ARE YOU ! $!#!#@$!@$ KEYS FOR #!%!#%!#%!# YOU @#!%!@#%!@#%!@#%"
I almost got fired on the spot.
(Wow she was a BITCH. Hoooo boy she was a bitch. Thinking back, that was the worst job I ever had, hands down. Paving roads was better, barely, and paving roads SUCKS.)
--
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan < snipped-for-privacy@users.sourceforge.net>
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
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When I was an electronics technician in the Navy back in the days of vacuum tubes, I happened to see my best friend standing at the FASRON parts counter with a long line of grumbling sailors behind him. The stock clerk was nowhere in sight. "Whatcha waiting for, Stinky (Steineke)?" "The chief sent me after a fallopian tube." I managed to get him away before the stock clerk came back mad. The chief had gotten both of them.
Lionel

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Lionel wrote:

Oh, come on! No wonder he couldn't get one. Everybody knows fallopian tubes come in pairs.
Other items to be sent for in the USN:
100' of water line sound powered telephone batteries gas tight envelopes
Or you could be sent to the galley with a message for Barney Noble. (The barney noble is the air vent over the stove.)
ARM
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My first real job was with a sheetmetal contractor. Nasty old coot with a heart of gold. When he sent me out to the truck for a pair of left handed snips. I told him your not going to get me with that old one, left handed snips HA HA. He jumped all over me and told me to get my ass out to the truck and bring him the snips with the green handles. They really were left handed snips.

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There's the classic left-handed monkey wrench. But be careful, they *do* exist -- they're just extremely rare. I happen to have one that I inherited from my grandfather -- confusing as *hell* to use, till you get used to it; it has a *left-hand* thread on the jaw adjustment
And the 'gallon of striped paint'.
Around the harbor, a request to fetch 50' of "shore line".
Around airplanes, "a bucket of prop wash", also "10' of alieron trim".
Don't forget the 'round tuit' -- the victim gets a raise, as soon as you get a 'round toit'. and send him searching for one.
The April issue of Scientific American, particularly the "Amateur Scientist" colum, going back many years, was often good for some _really_ funny stuff.
there is a tech-spec data-sheet running around somewhere, for a truely famous IC chip. A "write-only memory". (anybody who understands much about electronics, and is -not- familiar with it, is strongly encouraged to Google, or similar, for it.)
Then there's the acronym games. Things like IITYWIGMAQ (Or substitute a K for the Q, if in mixed company) What's _that_ mean? "If I tell you, will you give me a quarter?" (or 'kiss').
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In the army I drove a tank. On thing that I remember was sending a new recrut to supply for a bottle of squelch for the radio. Jim

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A good friend's mom used to work in a law office... Sending the summer student to the stationer's for a box of "verbal agreement forms" was a tradition there.
I work for a newspaper. Until we went direct to plate, we ran a couple of imagesetters (basically high-end laser printers that produce film negatoves rather than paper prints). One of our new staffers was sent to another department to see if they had any "liquid elliptical halftone dots" as we were out.
The head of that department ripped the poor guy a new one, ranting about the extravagance of using liquid in our department when his department had to buy the dry stuff and mix their own.
djb
--
There are no socks in my email address.

"Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati"
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We used to send the young ones out for some ST-1's (Spelled out it stone's.) But beware. When it was tried on me I spent three days at home drinking beer and getting paid. I'd call in every few hours to say I was sent to different places to get them. The people in the shop thought it was funny until the found out what I did.
Roger
wrote:

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Roger wrote:

I'll have to remember the ST-1's. Almost better than the 1D-10T switches we used to refer to in the Navy.
nuk
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Sometimes the newbies are smarter.....
Working as a student at a Canadian Forces Base Trades shop, another student was sent to the paint shed at the far back of the yard to find the checkered paint. Took him all day. And as it was the paintshop foreman who sent him, well needless to say his frustration ws his own fault....
meanwhile on another bent.... seen in a hardware retailers trade mag....
the CEO of a major big box store being given an aura of "tool knowledge" by his PR folks was pictured on the cover holding a woodie jointer plane. Too bad the blade was upside down, and the wedge was under the blade.
Same mag, different issue, a major woodscrew mfg had a double page spread advertising their wares with a large picture of a wood screw . Someone reversed the negative, cause it was a "left handed" thread.
Or the small town hardware store being scoped out for parts for old tools....in response to the question "do you have any plane blades" clerk (the one who musta spilled the purple paint on her hair) responds "do you mean propellors??
Big box, small box, they all dumb down at the same rate.
Eric
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I work for an agricultural newspaper in western Canada... a number of years ago we ran an ad for a dessicant for field peas (dries the peas prior to combining).
The press crew thought there had to be something wrong with the "after" photo and worked their asses off to make it nice and green... Too bad it was supposed to be brown.
djb
--
There are no socks in my email address.

"Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati"
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TRUE story -- this also happened during the making of at least one of the STAR TREK episodes. Don't remember the precise name of the episode, it's the one where they're on the planet, with the "Servers of Baal". The planet has a -green- sky. For most of the first _week_ of shooting, the prints kept coming back with the sky turned blue. So the prop department makes it greener. On day 4, the film lab sends a note:
"What ARE you guys doing out there?? It's getting almost impossible to process this and maintain a sky-blue color."
The memo that was fired off in response, was, well, *memorable*.
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Many years ago, I went into a Radio Shack, looking for a piece of TV test/alignment equipment. Ask the saleskid if they had a "bar dot generator" (it generates test paterns, including color-bars and a grid of dots.) He looked real puzzled for a second, then his face lit up, as he replied "Sure! If you want to generate them yourself" and showed me a Morse-code key.
I couldn't decide whether to laugh, or cry.
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cowtown eric wrote:

A picture on the box of a Sears Craftsman bench saw showed a guy getting ready to cut a sheet of ply. If the saw was away from the wall he could have done it.
-- Mark
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