Shop Expletives When Kids Are In The Shop

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With summer here, the sound of power tools is once again attracting neighborhood kids. Some of the "old hands" with a project under their belt are wanting to do something new, the younger ones quite happy to just play with the dust collector hose, making sawdust, chips and an occassional spider or fly disappear. Regretably, they sometimes make something vanish - that shouldn't - several small pieces of molding for a jewelry box, perhaps a small part of a jig, etc..
There are times when things happen which warrant, nay - demand - some verbal expression - of surprise (OH SH*T!), of disapproval (WHAT THE F$&K ARE YOU DOING?!), disgust (SON-OF-A-B%TCH!) or satisfaction (D*mn that turned out nice.)
And that gets us to Shop Expletives - specifically - the "abridged" shop expletives. The last thing you need is an upset parent of one of your young shop helpers demanding to know if you were the one who taught their little darling to cuss.
Now there are those who say "Someone who cusses merely displays their ignorance, their sad lack of a good vocabulary and an inability to express themselves adequately." To which I say - "What a crock of crap!"
Cussing has a long and noble history - in every language - with special versions unique to each trade as well as universal terms and expressions "blue" in nature.
But there are times when such language is appropriate - and times when there's a need for "pre-cussing" - or cleaned up versions of Old Standards. Gosh Darn, Cheese and Rice, Son of a Gun, Oh FUDGE! Mortar Forker - when uttered in "mixed company" are easily and automatically translated to their "Adult Equivalent" - by adults - while merely an interesting expression to youngsters.
Yet even the abridged versions of cussing may cause a parent some consternation when such words and terms are uttered - or shouted - by their child - after they've spent some time in your shop.
So - if you're blessed with "summer helpers" and wish to avoid dealing with an upset parent of same, I give you - CRANUS - the Swiss Army Pocket Knife of cussing.
Oh CRANUS!
Get you cranus off my bench!
Be very careful with that thing cause it can take your cranus off in a new york minute (apparently New York has some special for of the time/space continuim).
Never point a cranus at ANYONE.
If you do that again I'm gonna kick your cranus.
Well you managed to really cranus that up - let's see how we can fix it.
Give your self a big pat on the back 'cause that piece you made is nearly cranus perfect!
Have YOU got some Shop Expletives suitable for mixed company?
charlie b
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{snipped for brevity]
When a wrench slips off a rounded nut and drives my knuckles into the edge of a rusty piece of metal, I usually respond with : " I must really learn to be more careful."
r . . . . . . Everything around here is either friggin' or farkin'.
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Robatoy wrote:

I usually say OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wayne
P.S. how about fricken?
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Robatoy wrote:

My standard line is a pained, "Oh! *That* felt good!" (Amazingly effective with the appropriate inflection and emphasis).
That and "Thank-you sir, may I have another?"
--
If you're going to be dumb, you better be tough

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Mark & Juanita wrote:

Oh! That's gonna need some salve.     j4
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Nope. No kids allowed with 250-300 yards when I'm in the shop. Of course, that depends on how old you categorize as a "kid." I have a granddaughter, 17 years old, who nearly matches my 68 year old USMC mouth--she would match it, but she gets called down hard when she starts. With me, they wait until I'm finished before beginning the "For shame" crap.
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Then you remember what Patton said about profanity, and you know his June 5 address to the Third Army verbatim. You also know that George C. Scott's version was just a *tiny* bit sanitized.
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Nifong.
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.building.construction/browse_thread/thread/e814b9ee37f144ad /#
R
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My favorite... always...

With great emphasis when used, it does the trick.
Robert
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RicodJour wrote:

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.building.construction/browse_thread/thread/e814b9ee37f144ad /#
Painting with too wide a brush. Why tar and feather anyone with that last name because of one idiot who is no doubt the exception to the rule. The Nifong I know is a dedicated police officer who recently retired after 30 plus years on the police force - serving as a hostage negotiator, the head of the bomb squad and the head of the SWAT team during his years of service. If you have to have people with guns and someone who has to make life and death decisions - this is the kind of man you want to have.
So rather than Nifong, how about THEDipShitDA?
charlie b
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"charlieb" wrote

I had a driver in the Fire department who, when pressed for an expletive, would say "Maw dicker" as a replacement for um...well you can figure that one out. There was a Captain at one of the stations who used "sackamafratz" a lot and when really pressed he would say, "dirty sackamafratz". Then of course there were the veterans who spared no one's ears. One evening I was ripping some boards for a neighbor who happened to be a regular church goer and never cursed. On one of the "rips" I veered a little and said, "sh....immy, shimmy coco bop."
Max
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Until they tell you off in your own language, like when they refuse to get up to go to school or do their chores. Oops, they already did and you are now doing all your son's chores!
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charlieb wrote:

Well, "Farscape" introduced "frell" to the language, "Battlestar Galactica" used "frack" and "felgercarb", Richard Adams in "Maia" gave ordinary innocuous words new meanings--the sex slaves did a great deal of basting for example, on "Firefly" they just cussed in Chinese.
Then there are the old standbys, "darn", "heck", and "screw".
The problem with all of these is remembering to actually USE them.
--
--
--John
  Click to see the full signature.
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Ah, another science fiction aficionado. SF fans used to be relegated to the fringes of society, now they're running the internet and posting on woodworking newsgroups. We've come a long way, baby!
R
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On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 05:33:57 -0700, RicodJour

And we are a nefarious group, quietly infecting our children (older daughter says "Tom Baker is the *real* Dr. Who") and grandchildren (5 year old gets to choose a movie and wants to see the first 'Harry Potter').
The infection spreads by contact - son-in-law offered to let us borrow his 'Firefly' DVD set - it's waiting for me now ;-)
John
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Borrowed from my grandmother (1892-1992) "sugar mollasas"
Borrowed from the movie spy kids "SHITaki mushrooms"
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charlieb wrote:

Dilbert cartoon:
Dilbert and an auto mechanic are peering at the motor of Dilbert's car.
Dilbert: "I think it's the fuel pump."
Mechaninc: "WHAT?"
Dilbert: "I think it's the $&#@!! fuel pump."
Mechanic: "Well, why didn't you say so!"
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At work, one fellow fresh off the (government) boat was repeatedly warned to clean up his language.
Since, in the business I'm in, 'repeatedly' is about one and a half times before dismissal, and he's a fairly bright lad, he began substituting 'stinking' when needed.
Now, this isn't your everyday 'stinking'. When pronounced slowly and deliberately and with proper stress as 'steeenkin', it soon leaves no doubt as to the gravity of the situation. I've even taken to using it myself, at times.
Example: "Close the steeenkin door! I don't want some steeenkin mosquito landing in the steeenkin varnish!."
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One substitute I have been using in the current state of the world is "shiite", or sometimes just "shia".
Wayne
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wrote:

Names of current politicians. Clean, and it teches an appropriate level of disdain for them.
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