rec.woodworking ANTI-FAQ Part 7 of 10 - Techniques


7. TECHNIQUES
7.1 HOW DO I CUT DOVETAILS? Don't bother. Nails and glue are just as good, even just nails. Nobody sees them, and people shouldn't be looking into your drawers. Anyway, people who look into your drawers aren't looking for dovetails. For the price of a good dovetail jig, you can get yourself a compressor and a nailer, just like Norm's, which have many more uses than just making drawer joints. If you're thinking of cutting them by hand, forget it. Think of all the money you'll spend on wasted wood in the four or five years it'll take you to learn. Like I said, get a compressor and a nailer.
Besides just try using a dovetail jig or a dovetail saw to nail a burglar to the floor.
7.2 I THINK NORM COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING IN A BETTER WAY ... NORM RULES!! Norm bashing is not countenanced in this newsgroup under any circumstances. Norm is perfect and he has the best workshop with all the best tools. He is the greatest woodworker in the whole wide world and in all of history. HE IS NOT TOM SILVA'S WATER BOY!!!
Norm does not make mistakes and does the finest woodworking that is humanly possible. Norm always does everything in the best possible way. He is better than Tage Frid, Frank Klausz, James Krenov, Sam Maloof, Tom Plamann, Ian Kirby and all those other phoneys and rip-off artists who claim they can hand-plane a bench-top to within 1/1000 of an inch, all put together. If enough people built things the way Norm does and bought the same tools he has, the world would be a much better place. Nailers and bisquick joiners make the best joints for attaching wood and cross grain construction is perfect if you use enough brads and biscuits and glue. No need for expensive clamps if you've got a brad nailer. Schlepping glue all over your project with a wet rag saves on finishing. Minwax stain and poly is unquestionably the best finish for any project using any kind of wood. Anybody who thinks different or who dares criticize Norm is just jealous. If you hate him so much, why do you keep watching his show?
As the Pope has infallibility in matters of faith, so has the Plaid One in matters of sawdust. If you don't believe me, you will get flamed and get tons of hate email for your blasphemy. You will be tarred, feathered and run out of town on a rail. Just ask Tom Perigrin. Ignore that JOAT pagan. There is but one woodworking god. Norm is Jewish and a carpenter and his mother was a virgin. 'Nuff said!
7.3 HOW DO I MAKE A PUSH STICK? Using a dead cat. There are many different methods, but the consensus of this newsgroup is that dead cats work best.
Only Keith goes for pukey ducks. No comment on what Groggy uses, but then he's Strine.
7.4 WHAT SIZE DRILL BIT DO I USE FOR A WOOD SCREW? Real men screw in their screws without drilling. Drilling's a waste of time. Better yet, use nails. Even better, use an air nailer.
7.5 SHOULD I USE A HOT MELT GLUE GUN FOR MY NEXT PROJECT? Sure. Hot melt is great, 'cause you can fix your mistakes easily. Only Lew uses epoxy.
7.6 WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY TO HANDLE THE GLUE SQUEEZE OUT PROBLEM? Try hot melt instead. Or you could slather the glue all over your work with a sopping wet rag. Saves on finishing.
7.7 HOW DO I GET RID OF THE BLACK STAINS ON MY HANDS FROM GORILLA GLUE? Use yellow glue instead. A belt sander with minimum a 60-grit belt will work. Coarser (courser in wreckspeak) is even better.
Don't event think of acetone. Not only is it explosive, it also causes liver damage, just like shellac thinner or your buddy's homemade vino. The slightest drop on your hands and you will end up with cirrhosis or liver cancer.
7.8 WHAT IS SNIPE AND HOW DO I ELIMINATE IT? Snipe is a bird living in Florida among the ash trees. Very hard to find so it must be an endangered species. Why would you want to eliminate them? Don't you have any respect for wildlife? Doug will lecture you for desecrating the environment.
7.9 WHICH ARE BETTER: ENGLISH/IMPERIAL/SAE MEASUREMENTS OR METRIC/SI?
Here are the main arguments for both sides of the debate:
PRO IMPERIAL: There is absolutely no question; traditional imperial measurements are far superior for woodworking. Most wreckers use it for very good reasons:
PRO METRIC: There is absolutely no question; metric measurements are far superior for woodworking. Most woodworkers in the world use it for very good reasons:
Intuitiveness: 1. Imperial is much more intuitive and natural. Feet and inches (thumbs) have been used throughout human history as they are related to human body parts (fingers and feet). As Michelangelo said: man is the measure of all things. 1. Metric is much more intuitive and natural. Humans always use a base 10 system as it is related to human body parts (number of fingers & toes). As Michelangelo said: man is the measure of all things.
Communicating measurements: 2. Imperial is easier to hear and leads to less confusion. Someone calls out a measurement for a piece of wood, & before you notice it, you cut 10mm instead of 10cm. 2. Metric is easier to hear and leads to less confusion. Quickly now, is 19/32" bigger or smaller than 5/8"? On the other hand, it is immediately obvious that 15mm is smaller than 16mm.
Ease of learning 3. Imperial measurements are easier to learn. You don't have to memorize all those crazy prefixes: femto, nano, micro, milli, centi, deci, deka, hecto, kilo, mega, myria, giga, etc. 3. Metric measurements are easier to learn. You don't have to remember all those crazy measures like inches, hands, feet, cubits, yards, fathoms, rods, cones, chains, furlongs, cables, miles, etc.
Arithmetic 4. Imperial uses simple fractional arithmetic which we all learned in grade school. Not like metric where you need to know all those prefixes and can easily make a mistake on your calculator & cut something 10 times too big or 10 times too small. 4. Metric uses simple decimal arithmetic where you can use your calculator directly without springing big bucks for one that calculates inches and fractions.
Division: 5. It's a lot easier to divide stuff in imperial measurements. What do you call half a millimeter? Ever try to divide 304.8mm by four? A foot is real easy - 12" divided by four is 3". 5. It's a lot easier to divide stuff in metric measurements. Ever try to divide 39 9/16 inches by four? While 1000mm divided by four readily gives 250mm.
Accuracy 6. Imperial is more accurate. You can easily go to 1/32 which is more precise than 1mm. 6. Metric is more accurate. You can easily go to 0.5mm which is more precise than 1/32"
The REAL Reason 7. Metric is a stupid cowardly French system. You don't want to support those smelly unwashed arrogant ingrates, do you? GOD BLESS AMERICA! 7. Inches and feet are a stupid warmongering American imperialist system. The rest of the world and all scientists use the much more rational metric system. It's about time the US gets into the 19th century, never mind the 21st! VIVE LA FRANCE!
7.10 WHAT IS RESAWING? To saw again, as in re-saw, like when you cut something too short. Jees, newbies ask dumb questions.
7.11 SHOULD I USE ROUND OR SQUARE DOGS IN MY WORKBENCH? Apparently there is a secret reason to use round (or was it square? I forget which.). As the other Randy said, octagonal is best for Canadians, as it is a compromise, eh?
7.12 SHOULD I JOIN THE HANDYMAN CLUB OF AMERICA? Definitely! This is unquestionably the best deal going anywhere! You get this neat card to put in your wallet, and nifty stickers to put on your tools that identify you as a master carpenter just like Norm. You get to test and review all sorts of tools and keep them after the testing, and you get a subscription for their magazine. By the first year you will have an entire shop full of tools (!!) including a genuine drill index gauge made from indestructible plastic and a 14-in-1 multi-tool constructed out of genuine carbon steel.
Once the magazine arrives you won't need any other reference and not need any more advice from this group (after all I bet most of you are non-members).
7.13 WHY WON'T SWMBO LET ME BUILD THAT PIECE OF FURNITURE INSTEAD OF BUYING A TERMITE PUKE POS? The reason is quite simple. It has nothing to do with female pop psychology or all the BS you hear about Mars & Venus. Face the facts: men are from earth, women are from earth - deal with it.
As Max's sister said:

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