Please drink responsibly.

[Robatoy]

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.' ~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ' ~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' ~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ '24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.' ~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!' ~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' ~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a spaz. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' ~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

' Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

[Lee Michaels]

What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

A drunk doesn't have to go to all those meetings.

[Robatoy]

Damn.. I could use a drink about now... I have been so busy sending off hundreds of e-mails to all the delegates in Copenhagen. I kept telling them that all the solutions to global warming were right here...here in the Wrec!! I just don't understand why they all just log on here and find all the solutions to all the world's problems. I mean, this place is better than HowTo.com and Wiki.com... after all, where else can a guy learn how to change the points on a slant six AND how to evict an aborigines' family from a desert island?

[RicodJour]

if that isn't useful, I don't know what is.

Happy Holidays to all! And to all a good beer!

R

[jo4hn]

Sing out on the chorus! Now all together...

Lily the Pink

Chorus: So we'll drink a drink a drink To Lily the pink the pink the pink The savior of the human race. She invented medicinal compound Most efficacious in every case.

Here's the story - a little bit gory, A little bit happy, a little bit sad - Of Lily the Pink and her medicinal compound And how it drove her to the bad.

Johnny Hammer had a t-t-terrible s-s-stammer. He could hardly s-s-say a word. So they gave him medicinal compound, And now he's seen, but never heard.

And Uncle Paul, he was terribly small. He Was the shortest man in town. So on his body he rubbed medicinal compound, And now he's six foot, underground.

Ebenezer thought he was Julius Caesar So they put him in a home Where they gave him medicinal compound Now he's Emperor of Rome.

And Freddie Clinger, the opera singer, Who could break glasses with his voice they said. He rubbed his tonsils with medicinal compound, And now they break glasses over his head.

And Mr. Frears, who had sticky out ears. And it made him awful shy. So they gave him medicinal compound, And now he's learning how to fly.

Brother Tony was notably bony He would never eat his meals And so they give him medicinal compound Now they move him round on wheels

Jennifer Eccles had terrible freckles All the boys would call her names But she changed with medicinal compound And now he joins in all their games

Lily the Pink, she - turned to drink, she - Filled up with paraffin inside. And in spite of medicinal compound. Poor old pick-a-Lily died!

Up to heaven her soul ascended. Oh, the church bells they did ring. She took with her medicinal compound. Hark the herald angels sing!

[Robatoy]

Lemme guess... loosely translated from Norwegian? :-)

[jo4hn]

[snip of Richard Rodgers sing-along]

And the more you drink, the looser it gets...

[J. Clarke]

Think Midol in the patent-medicine era. Quite a substantial company at one time--I have an uncle who went to MIT on a Lydia Pinkham scholarship.

[Lew Hodgett]

Beans, beans, The musical fruit, The more you eat, The more you toot, The more you toot, The better you feel, So why not have beans for every meal?

[Stuart]

Liverpudlian actually.

Written and performed by "The Scaffold"

[Robert Bonomi]

Also recorded by The Royal Guardsmen, (of "Snoopy vs. the Red Baron" et seq., fame)