OT Satire: Condi and Pakistan

[jo4hn]

CONDI RANKS PAKISTAN'S DEMOCRACY HIGHER THAN FLORIDA, OHIO

Musharraf Basks in Secretary of State's Praise

In her first visit to Pakistan since becoming Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice praised President Gen. Pervez Musharraf for leading his nation on the road to democracy, saying that Pakistan is now more democratic than either Florida or Ohio.

"Pakistan is still very much a work in progress on its way to becoming a democracy," said Dr. Rice, standing beside a beaming President Musharraf. "Having said that, it is still a whale of a lot more democratic than Ohio, and it leaves Florida in the dust."

Musharraf graciously accepted the Secretary of State's praise, adding, "We know that we have to walk before we can run, and in our case, being more democratic than Florida or Ohio is an important first step."

According to Dr. Jonah Lebeau of the University of Minnesota's Democracy Institute, Pakistan's democracy surpassed that of several counties in Florida, such as Miami-Dade, as early as 2002.

But, Dr. Lebeau says, Dr. Rice's comments point at a new problem looming on the horizon for the U.S.: "We have been so busy exporting democracy lately that we may actually need to import some soon."

Shortages of democracy in such states as Florida and Ohio, he says, may force the U.S. to look abroad for foreign sources of democracy, such as Switzerland or Belgium.

In other news, a bouquet of flowers presented to Dr. Rice in Afghanistan turned out to be heroin-producing poppies.

Elsewhere, an attorney for Saddam Hussein said that the former Iraqi dictator wanted to be tried by a jury of Robert Blake's peers.

[once again, for all satire challenged folks, boo. j4]

[WillR]

As for Condi and Musharraf -- maybe if they had cheery desks -=20 tastefully finished in BLO they would solve even more problems. Perhaps=20 a scroll top -- with some nice drawers and hidden compartments for=20 secret papers.

As for Sadam -- a few tasteful wooden furnishings might be in order --=20 say some nice hardwood bars for his cell

I could turn some wooden handcuffs. Perhaps even a wooden key. Hmmm.

And his gallows -- I recommend something springy -- give some bounce at=20 the end say.

--=20 Will R. Jewel Boxes and Wood Art

power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those=20 who have not got it.=94 George Bernard Shaw

[Morris Dovey]

Probably a waste of nice hardwood - might as well use one of the cells he built. I understand they're supplied with electricty (on an intermediate basis, since the arrival of the coalition.) Perhaps we could provide him with a nice assortment of K-Sears woodworking tools - K-Sears would probably be willing to give him a lifetime warranty on all hand /and/ power tools.

Reminds me - Saddam managed to pocket obscene amounts of cash from the Oil-for-Food program - depriving his country of much of the intended benefit of that program. Should that be considered theft? If so, those K-Sears tools should probably be delivered with the switches wired permanently in the "on" position.

I thought Saddam's preferred method of celestial translation was via feed grinder. Since they haven't been used for a while, the machines should probably be lubricated with a few rats (and perhaps a rabid dog) immediately before easing him in (feet first, of course.) Too bad about that dying with animal blood thing, tho.

A nice marker carved from a date palm with BCU (boiled camel urine) finish might be appropriate for his final resting places.