OT more or less: A jazz trio is playing...

A jazz trio is playing a gig at an upscale nightclub. They play a classic bebop tune at a fleet tempo with grace and ease. Then comes a Wayne Shorter composition filled with mysterious harmonies, poignant melodies and daring improvisations. Next they present a medley of lesser known Harold Arlen songs that only a connoisseur would recognize, again played with elegant styling and exquisite taste.

The whole evening has been one dazzling performance after another. Though the trio is playing background music and not a formal concert , the audience can sense that the musical display they are witnessing is of such a high caliber that the musicians should be allowed to perform as they please without interference.

Then a well-dressed middle-aged man approaches the bandstand and asks the pianist "Can you play Lara's Theme from Dr. Zhivago?" The pianist tells the man that they are jazz musicians and that they usually don't take requests of that sort. The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out three one hundred dollar bills which he lays out on the piano. The pianist looks at the bass player and drummer and says "Lara's Theme in G."

They play the tune in the fashion of the original version, the pianist emulating the Balalaika textures with a delicate upper register tremolo. The song obviously does not present the same level of difficulty that the trio is accustomed to dealing with.

As the pianist plays, he absent-mindedly gazes at the soundboard of his ebony Steinway B and wonders about the grain in the wood. How would the tonal characteristics be altered if the grain of the soundboard ran perpendicular to the strings rather than parallel, he silently asks himself.

The bass player amuses himself with an assortment of well-placed double-stops and harmonics. He daydreams as he looks at the top of his mid-nineteenth century double bass made by French master, Paul Claudot, and wonders "How many times has the top been varnished, how did the varnish of past years differ from today's, how would the resonance properties be affected if there were no varnish at all?

The drummer gazes down onto the single ply, medium weight head of his

1950's vintage black oyster pearl snare drum and thinks to himself, "One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three."
Reply to
dadiOH
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In my best Navin R. Johnson voice, "You sir, are talking to a drummer!"

Funny, but I think the joke could have done a better job of describing the snare drum. "... his 1950's vintage Slingerland Radio King snare drum with a single-ply, steam-bent Maple shell, three-point strainer, nickel-over-brass stick-chopper hoops, and immaculate black oyster pearl finish..." :-)

Reply to
Steve Turner

Har! I'm sending that on to some musician friends who'll love it.

-- Live Simply. Speak Kindly. Care Deeply. Love Generously. -- anon

Reply to
Larry Jaques

Use Steve's drum description, it's much better.

Reply to
dadiOH

I sent both. Two points each, guys.

-- Live Simply. Speak Kindly. Care Deeply. Love Generously. -- anon

Reply to
Larry Jaques

Glad I could enhance the experience of you guys making fun of me and -MIKE- and Sonoma and the various other neanderthal percussionists that hang out here. :-)

Reply to
Steve Turner

Heck, I would *never* dis drummers. When I was young and played a bit (trombone) I knew numerous drummers. Well, "knew" isn't quite the right word as they always seemed to be, uh..."dazed".

Neverhteless, I recognize the importance of drummers. I doubt burlesque could have survived without drummers to rimshot the comedians' jokes. Oh, wait...it didn't :(

Reply to
dadiOH

No one can keep up with me when it comes to musician jokes. :-)

Reply to
-MIKE-

Hell, no one can keep up with any musician when it comes to drummer jokes.

;)

Reply to
Swingman

The jury is still out whether or not drummers ARE musicians.

Reply to
Robatoy

On Sun, 08 Apr 2012 20:44:31 -0700, Larry Jaques

That's fine just as long as it's NOT a next door neighbour.

Reply to
Dave

Amber had but one thought as she started her new job at the Pentagon: "Amber, staple. Amber, staple. Amber, staple..."

Ben gazed longingly out the window of the Smithsonian and wondered how many more goddamn otter skins he'd have to stretch before lunch.

"Sometimes the simple pleasures are the best..." thought Lady Coldbear as she nailed the kitten to the chesterfield.

Reply to
HeyBub

Don't llook now fool, but the name of this group isn't "OT" . Your post is a hindrance and nonsense to those who pay for 'net time by the minute. Keep it up and i may begin a flood based on your post!

Reply to
Twayne

On Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:28:27 -0400, "Mike Marlow"

The only flood that Twayne will ever make is the flood of people laughing at him.

Reply to
Dave

Yep. Our group has a five-piece rhythm section...

...four musicians and a drummer.

:)

Reply to
Greg Guarino

What the difference between a toilet and a drummer? A toilet only has to carry one asshole at a time.

:-)

Reply to
-MIKE-

Says the dumbass who turns around and re-quotes the entire post he's bitching about, thus clogging up the network all over again and making himself guilty of the very offense he's accusing the OP of...

Reply to
Steve Turner

Our full complement is nine pieces, so our drummer's got his hands full. Funny guy too; "seen it all" when it comes to gigs. A botched (automobile) muffler job led to his trunk catching fire on the way to a gig a few years back. He managed to get his car onto the shoulder of the parkway and roll his drums in some wet grass to stop them from smoldering. Still made the gig too - arriving in the police car that responded to the 911 call. Little puffs of soot came out of the vent holes with every tom hit.

Reply to
Greg Guarino

I told ya, I gots a million of em. :-)

Did you hear about the band who locked their keys in the van? It took them two hours to get the bass player out.

Reply to
-MIKE-

Even if you made that up, it's f'n hilarious!! LMAO

Reply to
-MIKE-

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