OT more or less: A jazz trio is playing...

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A jazz trio is playing a gig at an upscale nightclub. They play a classic bebop tune at a fleet tempo with grace and ease. Then comes a Wayne Shorter composition filled with mysterious harmonies, poignant melodies and daring improvisations. Next they present a medley of lesser known Harold Arlen songs that only a connoisseur would recognize, again played with elegant styling and exquisite taste.
The whole evening has been one dazzling performance after another. Though the trio is playing background music and not a formal concert , the audience can sense that the musical display they are witnessing is of such a high caliber that the musicians should be allowed to perform as they please without interference.
Then a well-dressed middle-aged man approaches the bandstand and asks the pianist "Can you play Lara's Theme from Dr. Zhivago?" The pianist tells the man that they are jazz musicians and that they usually don't take requests of that sort. The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out three one hundred dollar bills which he lays out on the piano. The pianist looks at the bass player and drummer and says "Lara's Theme in G."
They play the tune in the fashion of the original version, the pianist emulating the Balalaika textures with a delicate upper register tremolo. The song obviously does not present the same level of difficulty that the trio is accustomed to dealing with.
As the pianist plays, he absent-mindedly gazes at the soundboard of his ebony Steinway B and wonders about the grain in the wood. How would the tonal characteristics be altered if the grain of the soundboard ran perpendicular to the strings rather than parallel, he silently asks himself.
The bass player amuses himself with an assortment of well-placed double-stops and harmonics. He daydreams as he looks at the top of his mid-nineteenth century double bass made by French master, Paul Claudot, and wonders "How many times has the top been varnished, how did the varnish of past years differ from today's, how would the resonance properties be affected if there were no varnish at all?
The drummer gazes down onto the single ply, medium weight head of his 1950's vintage black oyster pearl snare drum and thinks to himself, "One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three."
--

dadiOH
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On 4/8/2012 7:17 AM, dadiOH wrote:

In my best Navin R. Johnson voice, "You sir, are talking to a drummer!"
Funny, but I think the joke could have done a better job of describing the snare drum. "... his 1950's vintage Slingerland Radio King snare drum with a single-ply, steam-bent Maple shell, three-point strainer, nickel-over-brass stick-chopper hoops, and immaculate black oyster pearl finish..." :-)
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wrote:

Har! I'm sending that on to some musician friends who'll love it.
-- Live Simply. Speak Kindly. Care Deeply. Love Generously. -- anon
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Larry Jaques wrote:

Use Steve's drum description, it's much better.
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dadiOH
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wrote:

I sent both. <g> Two points each, guys.
-- Live Simply. Speak Kindly. Care Deeply. Love Generously. -- anon
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On 4/8/2012 12:14 PM, Larry Jaques wrote:

Glad I could enhance the experience of you guys making fun of me and -MIKE- and Sonoma and the various other neanderthal percussionists that hang out here. :-)
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Steve Turner wrote:

Heck, I would *never* dis drummers. When I was young and played a bit (trombone) I knew numerous drummers. Well, "knew" isn't quite the right word as they always seemed to be, uh..."dazed".
Neverhteless, I recognize the importance of drummers. I doubt burlesque could have survived without drummers to rimshot the comedians' jokes. Oh, wait...it didn't :(
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On 4/8/12 12:43 PM, Steve Turner wrote:

No one can keep up with me when it comes to musician jokes. :-)
--

-MIKE-

"Playing is not something I do at night, it's my function in life"
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On 4/8/2012 4:00 PM, -MIKE- wrote:

Hell, no one can keep up with any musician when it comes to drummer jokes.
;)
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The jury is still out whether or not drummers ARE musicians. <g,d&r>
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On Sun, 08 Apr 2012 20:44:31 -0700, Larry Jaques

That's fine just as long as it's NOT a next door neighbour.
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On 4/8/2012 11:50 AM, Larry Jaques wrote:

Yep. Our group has a five-piece rhythm section...
...four musicians and a drummer.
:)
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On 4/12/12 12:32 PM, Greg Guarino wrote:

What the difference between a toilet and a drummer? A toilet only has to carry one asshole at a time.
:-)
--

-MIKE-

"Playing is not something I do at night, it's my function in life"
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On 4/12/2012 1:34 PM, -MIKE- wrote:

Our full complement is nine pieces, so our drummer's got his hands full. Funny guy too; "seen it all" when it comes to gigs. A botched (automobile) muffler job led to his trunk catching fire on the way to a gig a few years back. He managed to get his car onto the shoulder of the parkway and roll his drums in some wet grass to stop them from smoldering. Still made the gig too - arriving in the police car that responded to the 911 call. Little puffs of soot came out of the vent holes with every tom hit.
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On 4/12/12 2:24 PM, Greg Guarino wrote:

Even if you made that up, it's f'n hilarious!! LMAO
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-MIKE-

"Playing is not something I do at night, it's my function in life"
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On 4/12/2012 3:35 PM, -MIKE- wrote:

I didn't, and it was. I was there.
The kit was black to begin with, so the damage may not have been obvious to the audience (outdoor show). It was mostly the bags that had caught fire, but some of the shells were charred. I don't know how he connived the cop into giving him a lift after his car was towed, but he did, arriving with the siren blaring and the lights flashing.
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On 4/12/12 2:46 PM, Greg Guarino wrote:

I posted the story on my facebook Nashville drummers' group.
--

-MIKE-

"Playing is not something I do at night, it's my function in life"
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On 4/12/2012 5:34 PM, -MIKE- wrote:

Some more drummer ingenuity:
We have played in a wide variety of venues over the years. This one had a tile floor, if memory serves. Tommy (the drummer)always arrives first; he's generally set up (and halfway through a Heineken) by the time I stroll in. I notice that rather than the usual carpet, his kit is sitting on the four floor mats from his car. My Dad would refer to that sort of thing with an old Army term: "field expedient".
One of our singers forgot to bring dress shoes to a tux gig. There was a time when our bass player was the custodian of the Emergency Shoes, a set of old Large-Enough-To-Fit-Anyone generic black dress shoes that he kept with the lug wrench and jumper cables. But not anymore. Tommy had the solution: wear black socks OVER your sneakers. No one noticed.
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On 4/13/2012 8:14 AM, Greg Guarino wrote:

Ooh boy, forgetting to bring a rug to a gig where the setup surface is an unknown can lead to a very bad day. Been there, done that! You definitely learn to make do with the "tools" you have available to you.

LOL!
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On 4/12/12 2:15 PM, Mike Marlow wrote:

I told ya, I gots a million of em. :-)
Did you hear about the band who locked their keys in the van? It took them two hours to get the bass player out.
--

-MIKE-

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