OT Humor: When Insults Had Class.... (an OBG)

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In this day of mis- and dis- information and slurs of all kinds, I give you a "kinder and gentler world":
An exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor. She said, "Sir you are drunk."
He said, "Madam, you are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning".
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
'He has never been know to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary' William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
    
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RE: Subject
After, "If you have to ask, you can't afford", classic put downs start going down hill IMHO.
BTW, nice but far from complete list, especially of Churchill.
Lew
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Here's a few more.
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"He couldn't pour piss out of a bucket if the instructions were on the bottom." -- Anon
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jo4hn wrote:

Some nice ones. Thanks
--
Gerald Ross
Cochran, GA
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jo4hn wrote:

(At a stump speech in Hyde Park)
Protester: "Mr Churchill, I'd sooner vote for the devil than vote for you!"
Churchill: "And on Wednesday next, you'll get the chance!"
(As an elderly Churchill was being wheeled into a session of Parliament)
Member (to another): "What's he doing here? Some say he's senile!"
Churchill: "Yes, and some say he's deaf"
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On Mon, 10 Aug 2009 17:24:14 -0700, jo4hn wrote:

A few more:
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln --
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx -
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop -
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating --
"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr --
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard --
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford --
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed --
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) --
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -- Charles, Count Talleyrand --
"It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate,tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds." -- Samuel Adams --
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[snipped wonderful list of insults due to it being so long winded...]
"If Obama were to walk on water, the republicans would say he does that because he can't swim."
--Hillary Clinton.
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wrote: [snipped wonderful list of insults due to it being so long winded...]
"If Obama were to walk on water, the republicans would say he does that because he can't swim."
Saw that yesterday; great line.
Dave in Houston
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Robatoy" wrote:

Ya gotta love it.
Lew
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Robatoy" wrote:

Wonder what the response of the AM radio crowd was?
It's too good a troll for them to pass on.
Lew
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Lew Hodgett wrote:

Nah, to be funny humor has to have a little truth in it.
--

There is never a situation where having more rounds is a disadvantage

Rob Leatham
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But, they *don't* swim. ;)
Maybe that wasn't what she had in mind, though.
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"MikeWhy" wrote:

If you are referring to Negros, what total BULL SHIT.
Lew
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WOW - never crossed my mind reading and enjoying Clinton's Quip.
Suspect it never occurred to Hilary either - until someone may have suggested it subsequently. But who would raise that issue save one who believed it?
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Did you find it funny?
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Funny how that entered /your/ mind, though.
But I shouldn't be surprised, having listened to Limbaugh, Beck and their ilk.
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Funny how that entered /your/ mind, though.
But I shouldn't be surprised, having listened to Limbaugh, Beck and their ilk.
========How did I get there? Was it inbred ignorance fueled by a lifetime of racist hatred? Or was it just finding legs for a lame attempt at humorous insult quoting a hollow, empty political sound byte? Dunno, you tell me. Aside from the inappropriately nonsecular reference and the snipish quality of her outburst, just what humor is there in your quote? What grain of truth did you find that makes it both humorous and a good troll?
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Are you THAT misogynistic? Hillary can't say anything of substance because she is a woman?

Ask the people who thought it funny enough to laugh.
Oh, and the non secular reference was brought to you by those who tagged your president as Obamasiah.... and that's a moniker which did not originate on the left.
Get it?
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Are you THAT misogynistic? Hillary can't say anything of substance because she is a woman?
=============Every now and again, you have to stop, shake your head, and ask "where did that come from?" I had to parse this one 4 times. Let me save you some anxiety: On this half of the continent, "sound byte" does NOT mean "woman." Some other day, you'll have to tell us about the women in your life, and how you came to hold that opinion.

Ask the people who thought it funny enough to laugh.
Oh, and the non secular reference was brought to you by those who tagged your president as Obamasiah.... and that's a moniker which did not originate on the left.
Get it?
=========No, not yet, and I don't think we're headed there. I found it snipish. You found it humorous but don't know why. Fair enough. Tell me who held up the cue card to laugh and I'll ask them.
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*I* know why I thought it was funny... because it *is* funny. Every time I see a right-winger squirm, I laugh.

And that is NOT snipish? Are you one of those not practicing what thou preacheth kinda people?
Anyway, I don't think that I have the skills or desire or patience to teach somebody to laugh, so...have a nice 'take-yourself-serious' day.
r
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