OT Humor: Some Profound Modern Axioms

Some Profound Modern Axioms (Two of these I added myself. Guess which two and win a prize.)
1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos -- you never know what's going to burn your ass.
2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
c) Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?
7) My reality check bounced.
8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier !
10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
13) Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
14) Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
15) The more Shit you put up with, the more Shit you are going to get.
16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!
18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
r) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
21) I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.
22) What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!
23) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!
    mahalo,     jo4hn
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Tell me what the prize is first - I don't my remaining two cells to go into overload! ;-)
Jums

butter.
clipboard.
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That would be a 55 gallon drum of Minwax water-based Provincial stain and an 8 foot Jarrah 2x4 to stir it with.     mahalo,     jo4hn
Jim Mc Namara wrote:

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I don't use the water base. Sorry -
Jummy ( and do ya *really* think I believe that you've got a jarrah 2x4?) The 55 gal. drum - yes . . . . . Puh-leeeze! :-)

into
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#1 and #10.
Jon E

butter.
clipboard.
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Would that be c and r?
Chris Mooney

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And the big weiner izzzzzzzzzzzz: Christopher Mooney! What gave it away lad? Good thinking. The 55 gallon drum of Minwax water-based Provincial stain and the Jarrah 2x4 will be coming your way via US Mail postage due. Congratulations.     mahalo, ;-)     jo4hn
Christopher Mooney wrote:

[snip]>
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Okay, I finally delurk, and all of a sudden I feel like the joke is on me. As long as your first question was not in jest, they were the only two lettered not numbered. If it was in jest, then I guess...
<lurk on>
;-{)
Chris Mooney

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Christopher Mooney wrote:

[snip] Guess I figured that the "OT:humor" part would give it away. If not, I apologize for any offense. Above all, don't go away, Christopher.     mahalo,     jo4hn
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"jo4hn" wrote in message:

Way to go jo4hn - that's the 5th one this month. :-)
Jums
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Jim Mc Namara wrote:

Aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shuckins... Now ya made me blush.     j4
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None taken. Consider your chain yanked :)

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Tue, Jul 22, 2003, 7:55pm (EDT+4) snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.net (jo4hn) types: <snip> 5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. <snip>
I can definitely relate to # 5, may steal it for my sig block.
JOAT Always put off until tomorrow something which, tomorrow, you could put off until, let's say, next year. - Lady Myria LeJean.
Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT Web Page Update 19 Jul 2003. Some tunes I like. http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofalltrades/JOATorJackOfAll/page4.html
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