Heaviest Element Discovered
A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science - Governmentium. It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub-particles called peons.
Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected, however, since it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it takes days.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years. It doesn't decay but "reorganizes," a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.
This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that Governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration, forming critical morass. Researchers believe that in Governmentium, the more you reorganize, the morass you cover.