OT Humor: Colonoscopy Comments

[Fly-by-Night CC]

The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I can semi-relate. ;) _____ Things a man might say during a colonoscopy

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

1. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
2. "Can you hear me NOW?"
3. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
4. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
5. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
6. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
7. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
8. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
9. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
10. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
11. "God, Now I know why I am not gay." And the best one of them all...
12. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."

[George]

One of the last things the medical corps did for me was give me a 'scope.

My comment was that things ended pretty much as they had begun.

[Larry Jaques]

On Thu, 09 Dec 2004 13:43:21 -0800, Fly-by-Night CC calmly ranted:

TRUE TERROR: Happening to notice that -both- of the doctor's hands are on your shoulders during the prostate exam.

-snip of colonoscopy joke-

========================================================== CAUTION: Do not use remaining fingers as pushsticks! ==========================================================

Comprehensive Website Development

[PDQ]

I can only add my comment upon my exit:

Where's the excape hatch?

The staff got quite a giggle.

--=20

PDQ

[jo4hn]

I said something original like "Feet don't fail me now*!!" as I hustled (as best I could) out the door... That was a once-in-a-lifetime experience (I hope). mahalo, jo4hn

• anybody else remember those Charlie Chan films with Birmingham Brown (played by Manton Moreland) using that now famous phrase?

[Tim Douglass]

May I add:

"While you're up that far why don't you check my tonsils?"

Tim Douglass

[Ron Magen]

jo4hn -

Hate to disappoint you, Sport. After about age 50 it's an occasional thing. If they FOUND anything . . . it's every two years or so, especially if your wife works in GI and 'cares about you'.

Plus . . . if it really is a 'scopeing' your not saying ANYTHING because you are 'unconscious'. {'waking sedation' actually . . . I went round and round that semantic tree with a 'gas passer' for some time}. It's really 'good stuff' with a amnesia-like after effect. Believe me, if you weren't 'out' you would think the Inquisition had returned !!

Yes, I do remember the Chan movies, and a couple of others where similar characters used the phrase, 'FEETS don't fail me now !!'

Regards & Good Luck, Ron Magen Backyard Boatshop {I'm trying to maneuver around my NEXT excursion now . . . It would be nice if they would agree that Bourbon was a 'clear liquid', and ingestion was allowed up to an hour before}

"jo4hn" wrote SNIP

SNIP

[Dave Hinz]

I had some stomach surgery done a couple of years ago, and clarified with the surgeon _before_ I agreed to go in (not much choice, but still...) that a good Single-Malt Scotch was in fact a "clear liquid". That was for post-operative ingestion, though.

[Mortimer Schnerd, RN]

Five days after my gastric bypass, I had a few sips of beer on the theory that it was covered under the "clear liquids only" rule. Without going into detail, allow me to say it was a mistake.... a big mistake.

Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most things now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one meal now lasts me for four.

[GregP]

Some of us have gotten to that stage without the "benefit' of a gastric bypass....

[Jim Behning]

[Norman D. Crow]

Must be serendipity! In the midst of this thread, received the following from a friend.

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:

1. a Tube of K-Y jelly
2. a rubber glove
3. and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.......

Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT"

[Edwin Pawlowski]

the doctor says you have no problems! Kind of surreal watching it on the TV screen as the probe is moving along. Reminded me of a 1950's science fiction adventure.

Yeah, you really should have it done.

[Fly-by-Night CC]

[Jim Behning]

There is nothing gross about the insides of a clean colon or intestine. I have seen pictures when I am working at that doctor's account. Processed food is kind of gross but you are cleaned up or out when you prep for it. Doc will fuss or compliment depending on how well you cleaned yourself up. The action video camera cannot be that bad. No different than looking at a heart, kidney or some other organs.

Those web sites cited did not have pictures so don't work. To think that people here think shooting nails into body parts or running fingers through bandsaws are no big deal but going in for a health/life saving procedure grosses them out.

Fly-by-Night CC wrote:

[LRod]

Uh, does this fall into the category of "shoemaker's children?" or did you get your RN AFTER the surgery?

- - LRod

Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite

Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999

[Charlie Self]

Jim Behning responds:

It's the blinking clean-up that is gross!

Charlie Self "Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." Mark Twain

[Jim Behning]

[J T]

Thu, Dec 9, 2004, 1:43pm (EST-3) [e-mail] (Fly-by-Night=A0CC) claims: The following is apparently making the office rounds.

Fortunately, I have a compassionate doctor that performs mine. They get me wired up, I'm there talking with the nurses, next thing I know, I'm out in recoversy. I get enough something to knock me out, but I still remaiin aware enough to follow any instructions - roll a little, etc. - but sill out of it enough to not remember any of it. I think I would really not care to go thru that awake.

I did wake up when my surgeon was stitching me up, after takning out a port-a-cath that had tilted. I asked if that was him - had my glasses off - and when h said it was, asked him how he was doing. I guess he thought I meant the surgery, becuse he said he was just finishing up. I think they were afraid I was gonna sue, for waking up, because they knocked me out again. LOL

JOAT We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

- unknown

[J T]

Thu, Dec 9, 2004, 3:47pm (EST-3) novalidaddress@di\/ersify.com (Larry=A0Jaques) advises: TRUE TERROR: Happening to notice that -both- of the doctor's hands are on your shoulders during the prostate exam.

Have you changed your doctor yet? LMAO

JOAT We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

- unknown