OT Humor

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers,
"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who would agree with everything I say."
--
Not one shred of evidence exists that life is serious.
Richard Feynman
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Similarly,
A man walks into a bar...
The genie is hard of hearing, so the bartender winds up with a million ducks and the guy has a twelve inch pianist.
-Phil Crow
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A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "So why the long face"?

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A priest, a rabbi, and a piece of string walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

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Roy Smith wrote:

Grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says "hey we have a drink named after you". Grasshopper asks,"why would anyone name a drink 'Bob' ?".
Skeleton walks into a bar,"give me a beer and a mop".
Pork Chop walks into a bar. Bartender says sorry, we don't serve food here.
Termite walks into a pub and asks is the bar tender here?
Man sits at a bar, orders a drink. He hears a wisper, "nice pants". Looks around, sees noone talking to him. A minute later, he hears "great tie". Looks around again and asks the bartender if he heard it, too. Bartender replies, oh, yes "complementary peanuts".
And lastly, Man goes into bar, sits next to beautiful woman. After a few drinks, he asks her, "for a million dollars, would you sleep with me?" A bit startled at the proposal she says sure, a million dollars. They talk a while, a few drinks later, he asks "would you sleep with me for $25?" "What kind of girl do you think I am? she asks. Man replies, "oh, we established that already, now I'm negotiating"
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"Roy Smith"

And the string says "I'm a frayed knot"!
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Fletis Humplebacker wrote:

And the chimp says "I can see why that is given the price you charge for beer!"
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And the dog says, "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw".
todd
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I know a guy who successfully crossed a mink with a gorilla. He got a nice coat, but the sleeves were too long. -from the movie Heart Beeps
Two guys are on an elevator. One guy says "p.u., somebody's deodorant failed." The other guy says "Can't be me, I'm not wearing any."
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