With gas at $3+ a gallon, quick phone calls to make sure your vendor has the material or tool you need in his hands before you get there is a must. I have always called ahead to save time, but now do it to save gas as well.
One of the great things that happened to me when I finally realized I wasn't too important to field my own calls was that I could fire my secretary. I was the one that wound up training them on them on how to be a good office manager anyway, so I knew what to do to make th office run smoothly. When I finally had enough of employees, it was just me an her in a small office.
I let her go, closed the office, and gave the guys that worked for am a raise with the money I saved on rent, secretary salary, three phone
one fax line, etc. With a smaller company, I could start keeping my own books again, keeping tight rein on materials and scheduling. I found that to my taste, bigger was indeed not better.
Oh come on now, you can't kick a dead horse when he is down, every one knows tha congress N E V E R considers the consequences. When something naturally happens and is naturally expected, fault cannot be cast in that direction. ;~)
I have been using computers since 1978 and go tmy first PC in 1985, I honestly do not know how poeple get by with out spread sheets and financial programs. Before the end of 1985 I had 123, Dollars & Sense, a word processor and a CAD program. Having a PC is part of the reason that my wife and I became totally debt free 11 years ago. We know exactly where we stand all the time.
For me cell phones have a bad name because a vast majority of the people are discourtious when using them. If some on is driving like an idiot or obviousely not paying attention, he might be a cell phone user. If the teller is staring at the next in line and the next in line is in never never land, he might be a cell phone user. ;~)
Sounds like you're about 5-10 years behind. It goes w/ the territory and at some point we'll be there as well barring the alternative of ceasing to have birthdays entirely.
As you said early, while you're in the process of dealing w/ this for them now, also be making those preparations for yourself. In particular, don't overlook LTC insurance.
BTDT as have untold millions of others before us...
Just last May, FIL stumbled on the landing of his home and laid there till late the next day. Had he been wearing his Medic Alert he might still be with us today. It was laying on the kitchen table 6 steps up and another 10' away. Diabetic, dialysis, 85. And I missed the opportunity to thank him for allowing me to marry his daughter 31 years previously.
How very sad. Worse, it might not have had to end up that way.
I truly believe that will be the fate of my father as he has spent as much as 2 1/2 hrs on the floor without being found when Mom is napping. He struggles until he cannot move, and is so weak he cannot make a noise loud enough to wake her up.
THAT is the Prine I know. I remember rolling over the verses in his songs many a time trying to find out why he got to where he was. I never knew why he was so bitter. Truthful to the point of pain, but really bitter.
Whaaa....??? Funny? I am thinking of some Carlinesque word play when you put those two together.
I remember reading an interview with Pete Townshend a few years ago, and he was talking about some of the songs they had written and how he felt about them today. He said he wasn't really sure why he was so pissed off. He blamed it on imbalanced hormones and drugs.
He did note that the angry songs sold the best of all genres to late adolescent and twenty somethings. He said he just go tired of being pissed off all the time, and sighed.
There was a patch available for W2K pro when the change occurred. Mine updated automatically. Should still be available on Microsoft. If you can't find it ping me and I'll search to see if I retained it.
Down the hall upstairs from me There's a girl I swear I never see I hear the ringing of her phone She must live up there all alone She hangs her clothes out on the line They're hanging there right next to mine And if the wind should blow just right She could be in my arms tonight
That's exactly what we had for 35 years. It was called EST but it was really CDT since we're physically in what should be the Central time zone. I thought it was a great compromise.
Years ago, Indiana was all on the same time. The whole state was in the Central time zone. Then 'they' decided we should be in the Eastern time zone, even though the actual geographic boundary by longitude is
20 miles east of Columbus, Ohio. But the people in the Indiana counties near Chicago obviously wanted to be on Chicago time. So the state became divided, and has been to varying degrees ever since. Since we adopted DST, several counties have asked to change time zones, some changed and then changed back. I used to know what time it was anywhere in Indiana, now I don't. And supposedly everybody now knows what time it is in Indiana. It's pathetic. Lots of people are excited about the daylight we're 'saving'. I've decided to call it MDST - Morning Dark Saving Time.
Roger Grady snipped-for-privacy@sbcglobal.qlfit.net To reply by email, remove "qlfit." from address
It was not optional, she knew she wasn't going to win an argument with her son who learned how to be stubborn from his mother.
people
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May I suggest some professional help.
Back in Ohio there is a state funded group called "Adult Protective Services", hopefully you have a similar resource where you live.
It is staffed by social service pros who are trained specifically to deal with the elderly.
One of their primary goals is to keep people OUT of nursing homes.
A case worker will come out and interview your parents and help them determine if they can be of service providing services such as light houskeeping, help with meal preparation or maybe "meals on wheels", transportation to doctors, etc, etc.
Point is they are real pros at what they do and are not restrained by the parent/child relationship.
It is much easier on your parents to accept, if the advice comes from a 3rd party rather than a child
SFWIW, they provided services that kept my mother at home for at least
3-5 years, and out of assisted living/nursing home environment.
Not only did it help to keep mom happy, it was a lot less expensive than a nursing home.
keys. I got lost in that concept of 'no keys'... too many keys _is_ indicative of a complex life... just never thought about it that way.
Actually, sailing does that for you by puting your life in perspective.
If you sail, you soon learn to accept and use what mother nature gives you, on her terms, or you can continue to be an "A" type and frustrate the hell out of your self, maybe end up with a pile of "stuff", still wanting more and probably fighting the onset of ulsers.
You get past The Weavers, The Kingston Trio or Pete Seeger as a single, and I'm lost.
The freedom to tell the world to kiss my rear end and accept the consequences.
Thanks for taking the time to get out that info, Lew. It is important that everyone realize that while all communities don't have state or county senior services, a great deal do. Our city has assistance for them as well.
As you say, SFWIW, here's my end of that deal.
We didn't get outside assistance for my parents for years as they thought it was the responsibility of their children to take care of them. However, there was a wrinkle in their plan. One sister lives over three hours away and has two kids. The other is a busy executive that "can't be bothered". Both have come to the table when there is heavy problem solving to do, but the in and out daily grind is left to their son. In their eyes, since I am self employed, I don't really have a job at all. Also, I am the only one that answers my cell phone.
I will spare you commentary on how rough my relationship with them has been for the last several years. Strokes, heart attacks, diabetic comas (scary), fall after fall, the flu, infected this or that, pneumonia, long days and nights at the hospital, doctor's appts., follow up appts., lab test readings, and on and on have been part of my life for many years now.
Finally I gave up, as I couldn't take it any longer. My business was suffering; my relationships were really suffering. I couldn't get that across to them no matter how I tried, and I did try about 30- 40 times to get that through to them. I never could. In self defense (and about 10 years into this) I told them not to call me anymore. I finally talked to a really sharp family counselor that got me connected to the right people and we started down a better road for all concerned.
My Dad screwed that up several times by telling the case worker he didn't need help. And in truth, he didn't as long as my dumb ass was around. However, that all changed when I told my sisters that I felt like I had done enough to get my ticket punched for The Glory Train, and resigned.
When all of us kiddos were at the interviews, dear old Dad didn't stand a chance. He couldn't lie anymore. He couldn't convince them that he could do all manner of physical activities including exercise, get up and down as he pleased, and go up and down the step to their den as needed to.
So, he now has some aid. In fact, he has different services that do different things for them. But with me causing strangers to be in their house, handling them and their possessions, it caused some deep rooted bitterness towards me as they felt betrayed. For a couple of years, my father literally did not speak to me, (three to be exact) as he felt like I had abandoned them. He was so pissed off we never even saw each other. (It actually turned out to be a good vacation from them for me.)
While they are over their anger at me now, it was the health care people that sent the worker over that stole their stuff. This has got to be every senior citizen's nightmare, to have a stranger in your home that steals your valuables and your memory laden belongings. Both my folks wanted the services stopped. But once again, with all three kids (are you still a kid if you are middle aged?) at the task, we kept up the services.
We have a lady that comes three days a week and does all the things you spoke of. It is a Godsend. They have company now, and that is great. Just human contact besides their doctors had been great for them. The four hour visits they get insure clean clothes, showers, fresh food, and a hot meal. With the state kicking in, it costs them about $120 a week, and worth every penny.
We even have them hooked up with a city transit bus that will pick them up for their doctor's appts., and they have a bay that holds wheechairs, so they are set.
Yeah, this is a much better solution. Their $480 a month would no doubt blossom to at least 10X - 15X that if we put both in a home. But I have to tell you, until I got them put on this program, that is where they were going.
I understand. I used to sail to beautiful islands just fifteen or so miles offshore, that at certain times of the year I had completely to myself. Baffled by that being the case, but grateful and never more contented than when on one of those trips.
I had a revelation a few years back and determined that simplification should be the primary goal. Unfortunately, SWMBO is a firm believer in and works diligently toward complication without even realizing she is doing so.
Humm, I have 2 sisters and am the only son also. Almost daily I have lunch and keep check on my parents and do the little things that need to be done. Work out that IRA that did not roll over correctly, research a security company after a recent break in, answer computer problems and fix computer problems, keep the yard up, etc. You know the drill. Both of my sisters recently retired as they have hit the social security age and depend heavily on SS, and I the 10 year younger brother that was fortunate enough to retire at 40, 13 years ago from the automotive field and am now self employeed and also does not really have a "real job". What is it about being self sufficient and on top of managing time and money that makes our parents feel that we do not have a job at all? I guess we make it look too simple. ;~)
I feel for you Robert, fortunately my parents continue to live in good health considering their age.
Sounds like we are traveling a lot of the same ground, Leon. Not nearly as much fun in the "golden" years as it should be.
I appreciate it. But don't feel too bad. I always do a comparative analysis of things when I am trying to assess problems.
Here's the lady I feel sorry for: She has a tiny house, and had to move her mother into it with her as they couldn't afford any kind of care, not $500 a month, nothing, towards help. And certainly can't afford a nursing home.
So this lady's 93 year old mother lives with her daughter who isn't really in good health herself. Her daughter gets up in the morning and feeds her, then gets her mother set up in front of the TV, then goes to work. She comes home every day to feed her mother at lunch. Then goes straight home after work to make sure that her mother is OK, and to "clean her up" if needed. Then she feeds her, and puts her to bed.
She also takes her mother to all her doctors appts., and even occasionally to church.
This woman has absolutely no shred of personal life. She is never alone, and she is completely trapped in this situation.
Nor do I, but there are uncounted thousands in that situation and worse continuing to cope (some of them).
Fortunately, folks were prescient enough to have purchased LTC insurance and when Mom got past where the assisted living was adequate there was help financially available. We (and I can't bless my wife enough) were still there multiple times per week, did all the personal errand stuff, and so on...it's not easy no matter what but at least some planning ahead can help, particularly w/ the financial end. Unfortunately, too often that planning followed by action is put off too long or ignored altogether.
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