SWMBO comes home with a 'glider-style' exercise machine. It is in the back of the van and she asks me to help her drag it into the house. The machine is all boxed 'flat' and it becomes my job to assemble it. It is a pretty simple job and when it is completed I call her over and ask her: "Do you want me to put it in front of the refrigerator door?"
0¿0Rob---> who sometimes speaks before he thinks.
Urf. You didn't. Dumbass. You were only supposed to *think* that, not say it out loud. :)
That merits the biggest, loudest, hardest slap on the forehead and D'OH, I have heard in a loooonngggg time.
SteveP.
Who is very glad to not be Robatoy for the next 3 weeks
ALWAYS engage brain BEFORE operating mouth.
There is no correct answer to "Do these pants make my butt look big?" so find a florist and see if you can get some kind of quantity discount or a discount card like Barnes and Noble have. Try and vary the number, color and types of flowers you get for any one occassion. This will postpone the inevitable jump up to jewelry. Jewelers know that you know flowers aren't going to work anymore and that they've got you by the short curlies. If you look carefully over the inside door frame you will see "Give up all hope, ye who pass through this portal". It's there - look for it.
charlie b ( a former spouse AND a jeweler on the side)
ps "Well, you don't sweat much for a fat broad." IS NOT, repeat IS NOT going to be taken as a compliment even if you sincerely meant it as a compliment. At least that's what one of my former co-workers told me.
Or you could have said, "Do you want me to take this straight up to the attic/basement (place where unused things are stored at your house)?
UA100
A few years back SWMBO and I were watching TV and Sophia Loren appeared. SWMBO remarked, "I wish I could look like that when I'm in my 60's. Without thinking I answered, "I wish you looked like that now."
What a blunder!!!
Glen
SNIP
SNIP
But the wrong answer is, "It's not the pants that make you look fat, it's the Krispy Kremes and the Hagen Daze that make you look fat.
;-) Glen
Somebodys gettin' 'nuttin for a looong time!
Barry
Which also brings up the following question:
"How many items of clothing can it hold?"
Barry
Nor is the correct response "The pants don't make you ass look big, your ass makes your ass look big."
DAMHIKT...
Rob
Let's put it this way.... when I put my arm around her last night... the furnace kicked in...brrrrrrrrr It wasn't that cold OUTside...
0¿0Rob---->who has weathered storms before. Last biggie was when I offered my opinion on women's equality (when some of her friends were over). I said something like: "of course I believe in equality, women should be able to pull themselves up to our level, but not drag us down to theirs." I actually saw a couple of them morph from their usually feminine selves to corduroy-wearing, brush-cut, truckerwallet-carrying, comfortable-shoe-wearing, snarling, raging dogs. I then tried to sell the whole thing as a joke...... with minimal success. Oh well...
The line: "You can't cut me off, because you don't know where I'm getting it." may not be the best idea at this point.
OMG! You didn't! I'd be in the doghouse for weeks if I said that. Obviously she let you live, but how long did you have to sleep on the couch?
Two words: Lorena Bobbitt.
-- Regards, Doug Miller (alphageek at milmac dot com)
Nobody ever left footprints in the sands of time by sitting on his butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?
This is very true. A friend of mine bought one of those excercise stations for weight lifting. He and his SWMBO were going to get themselves in shape. Some weeks later I saw the machine again, only this time it's covered with laundry. And not just a few shirts, it looked like the whole wardrobe.
I assume this is your first wife.....
As in "Wups, was that out loud?"
So, "No, but your butt makes those pants look big" would be a bad answer there? Just checking.
Is that next to the sign that says "Diamonds...she'll pretty much have to..."?
Next someone is going to tell me that, when asked for a professional referance, it's not acceptable to say "Well, for someone who smells as bad as he does, he didn't steal as much as we thought he would"?
"Not so long as shoving fifty pounds of ass into a ten pound bag is the look you're going for."
Thomas J. Watson - WoodDorker
tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (real email)
SWMBO's recent visit to the doctor. "......and have you been exercising??" "Well, I have a treadmill." "Owning one doesn't count!"
Some of the GEICO snippet commercials are pretty good. The most hilarious one yet starts with a guy engrossed in the newspaper over breakfast. His wife comes out of the bedroom straightening her dress and asks, "does this dress make me look fat?"
Guy, concentrating on his paper, says, "you betcha."
Wife, gives THE LOOK, and turns sharply back into the bedroom as the guy sort of comes to the realization that he should have paid more attention while the announcer in voiceover says, "in less time than it takes to get out the sleeper sofa..."
- - LRod
Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite
Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999
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