SOMEWHERE, USA.
119.60.9.44.84, A US citizen who inhabited rec.woodworking as a self appointed mouthpiece has been killed.Family members say that 119.60.9.44.84 was tortured and killed over the holiday weekend and now they're eagerly awaiting details on how much he suffered before he met his demise.
Relatives of the deceased have congregated at the family home to celebrate that they're finally rid of the asshole. As quoted by his sister "This New Year's celebration will be the best one yet!"
The Somewhere resident was employed as the town asshole for the past thirty years and all agree that he filled the job perfectly. Even the town drunk admitted that 119.60.9.44.84 was ideally suited for the position. A few other townspeople commented that the town counsel also tried to hire 119.60.9.44.84 as the local coward, but ended up agreeing that 119.60.9.44.84 was too busy as the town asshole to take on additional duties.
In lieu of funeral services which no one will attend, the mayor of Somewhere has declared a day of celebration where a full three quarters of the town reserve budget will be allocated to funding beer at the local pub.
Please send any donations to the Somewhere garbage dump. Considering that Somewhere dump officials will have to set aside a specially sealed urn for 119.60.9.44.84's highly contaminated toxic waste, it's appropriate that any monies assist with that purpose.