O/T: Shopping At Target

Need a funny this afternoon?
Enjoy
Lew --------------------------------- KEN THE RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife, Reeta insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, Reeta, likemost women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear Reeta received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Talakte,
Over the past six months, Ken has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Talakte, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading to the both the ladies and men’s restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
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Well... that was good for a chuckle!
Gonna remember the dressing room "no TP" next time I am out for those annoying clerks in the dressing rooms at the store.
Robert
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Better yet, yell out, I NEED MORE TOILET PAPER and a PLUNGER!
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3 and 15 appeal to the Brit in me!
LOL!
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FWIW, Target's codes are "Blue" - injury, "Red" - fire, and "Yellow" - missing child. No Targets (that I'm aware of, anyway) are unionized. (Target's political contributions tend to go "red.") No hunting department, either... you can't even get a cap gun at Target.
As for a clerk asking "Can I help you find something?" it's the politically savvy employee who makes sure a team lead overhears the query. Screaming "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" IS the correct guest response.
Overall, a funny story -- and a thought starter... heh-heh!
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