O/T: Got to love them Southerners

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Lew ===============================Got to love them Southerners
Tennessee: The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.
That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked.
'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail', the successful hunter replied.
'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.
'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'
Texas: The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?
Don 't you see that sign right over your head'. 'Yep', he replied.
'That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.
Kentucky:
A senior at UK was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky .
'When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'
Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'
The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'
Georgia:
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D.?'
The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'
North Carolina:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back.
He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'
The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'
The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back.
Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'
And this from South Carolina:
'You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North.
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On Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:56:33 -0800, "Lew Hodgett"

...and my property tax is 25% of what it was in the North.
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wrote:

And now you get the usual reply for a gloat "You suck!".
Actually I can't wait to get my transplanted buttocks back to the South. Even my wife (Jersey girl from birth) wants to move. Anyone hiring a software architect in Charlotte?
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Brad Bruce wrote:

Hmm. Talk to Boeing. They just decided to build a manufacturing facility in South Carolina and intend to employ some 2-3,000 people. This follows their decision a couple of years ago to move their corporate headquarters to Chicago.
I don't know what it will take to get the attention of Washington state legislators; maybe if Microsoft moved its headquarters a few miles north to Vancouver...
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HeyBub wrote:

Damned fool legislators. I made the stupid mistake of moving to Connecticut for an engineering job, not knowing at the time that the land of the Connecticut Yankee had long since taxed most manufacturing other than defense contractors out of the state.
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"J. Clarke" wrote:

Ironic how things change.
Talked to a supplier who had recently moved from Mass to CT (New Haven) and commented how much more advantagous it was to live in CT and escape the Mass tax structure.
This was 1964 and the space program was just really getting up to speed.
Lew
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They both suck. Also the highest utility rates and gas taxes.
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Noooo..thatsokay. You can keep that mentality/crowd all in the US of A. We're okay up here...really.
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Robatoy wrote:

I understand and agree that such a move is unlikely. Vancouver is as "mellow" as Seattle and the current residents would blanch at an invasion of people with pocket protectors. Plus we've always considered Canada to be "America's attic," you know, the place you keep your crazy aunt. I was looking more at the fools in the Washington legislature...
We'd be tickled to have Microsoft move to Texas, with their $80 billion in cash (probably take TWO trucks to move that much), but since Bill Gates built his home in the side of a hill, he might be reluctant to relocate.
But maybe not...
How much does it cost to move a hill? Doesn't matter - Texas, like Microsoft, has a surplus in its accounts; we could offer to move the mountain (think "Mohammed") as an incentive.
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Fear not. San Antonio has about 300 full time Microsoft folks here as of this year, and their current facility has room for about 1500 or so.
They had a press announcement about mid summer by the head of the local software design division that said they were very pleased with its success and VERY pleased with the venue.
According to him, they were looking forward to their expansion.
Robert
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doesn't take enough out of their paycheck so they elect people that will raise taxes as much as possible. Can't understand their reasoning.
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wrote:

They don't think the government takes enough money out of *your* paycheck. There is a difference, in theory. In reality, not so much. Lefties are always philanthropic with other's money. Their own, not so much.
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But we'll get FREE healthcare
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wrote:

SURE, you do. Statements like that prove that you need a "free" checkup from the neck up.
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wrote:

It will be FREE to those who are obese who need stapled stomachs, chain smokers who have cancer, food stamp people who buy porter house steaks, those without an exercise program, unmarried women who need abortions, inmates with life sentences, unemployed deadbeats and hypochondriacs. Hello taxes, IRS fines, and inflation.
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Phisherman wrote:

First, you need to learn to recognize sarcasm when you see it.
Second, everybody dies of something, and the only ones who don't get significant medical intervention before it happens are the ones who are already dead when the ambulance arrives. And if it's not free to everybody else then why is it free to "obese" and "chain smokers" and "unmarried women" and "those without an exercise program" and "hypochondriacs"? They all work and pay taxes same as everybody else.
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On Thu, 3 Dec 2009 09:42:34 -0500, the infamous "J. Clarke"

You joke about the gov't taking 13% MORE of your PRE-tax dollars?!?

Life is a 100% fatal, sexually-transmitted disease. ;)
-- Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost. -- Thomas J. Watson
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On Thu, 03 Dec 2009 09:07:26 -0500, the infamous Phisherman

Wunnerful, isn't it? <sigh>
This just in:
Phish, -I'm- now considered obese by our gov't. I was 192 in high school, a lean, mean bonkin' machine with a swimmer's physique. (I took 2nd place in my freshman year finals in the breast stroke.) But I'm only 220 now. Beefier, fer sher, but I put on some muscle since then, too. According to the gov't, at 5'10" (they don't do halves), I'm supposed to weigh, get this: 173, max to be considered at the far upper end of normal weight! Dad was 6'2", and I inherited his larger bone structure, but not quite all of his height. Mom and my sister call me "stocky", I think I'm a bit on the fat side, and feel that I do need to lose weight. I'd feel better with 20 fewer pounds on me.
According to the calculator here: http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ , I have a BMI of 31.6. Anything over 30 is considered obese. I'd have to get down to under my normal ATHLETIC TEEN weight to fit this curve! * Underweight = <18.5 * Normal weight = 18.5-24.9 * Overweight = 25-29.9 * Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
Question to all: Is -anyone- here in the Normal weight range of this chart?
-- Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost. -- Thomas J. Watson
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Larry Jaques wrote:

I've dropped 28 lbs in the last year to get to 233. I'm 6'2", 6'3" if fresh out of the chiropractor's office. I'm currently on the overweight/obese boundary. The goal is 220 which was my high school football weight - which will still be overweight according to the BMI weenies. They want me at 189. At 220 in HS, I had a 32" waist which has expanded to 40" at max and now down to 38". At 63 years old, losing weight ain't easy - I figure it will take another year to drop the next 13 lbs.
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Yep -
Height 5'9" Weight 155 BMI: 22.9
As Steven Wright sez, I'm planning to live forever. So far, so good.
Scott
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