O/T: Atlanta Airport

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You gotta love this one if you have flown in/out of Atlanta or even if you've never lived in the South or flown in/out of Atlanta.
Some of you will enjoy this more than others.. Southerners can be so polite!
Enjoy
Lew -------------------------------------------------------
Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R
Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R Allah be Praised."
Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 -- You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."
Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. Allah is Great."
Pause...**
Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"**
Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511."
Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE... INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."**
Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- "
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On Fri, 04 Sep 2009 03:47:38 GMT, "Lew Hodgett"

No need for "eastbound". Runway 9 is headed East.

That would be "cleared to land on runway 27L". Makes the joke better too, even it has to be 'splained.

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eastbound on runway 9R

How many people know that?

If you have to explain, it is not funny. We all stand in awe of you knowledge of the airport, but please, don't ever try to be a stand up comic where you have to explain stuff. You'll starve.
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Ed Pawlowski wrote:

General rule--put a zero at the end of the runway number and you have the heading. So Runway 9 points 90 degrees or due east.

No need to even know the name of the airport--27 is headed 270 degrees. In other words it's Runway 9 only you're flying the opposite direction. 27L would be the one to the left as you're approaching--27L would be 9R (means that there are two runways pointing the same direction--I dunno what they do if they have three pointing the same way, if any such airport exists).
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Dulles International, KIAD. Runway 1 and 19, right, center, and left.
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Adjust the number as little as possible. ATL has five parallel runways: 9L/27R, 9R/27L, 8L/26R, 8R/26L, and 10/28. All are E/W (true), +2 degrees magnetic.
--
Alex -- Replace "nospam" with "mail" to reply by email. Checked infrequently.

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wrote:

Doesn't matter. There is no joke this way. Everything is too obvious.

It's pretty bad when one has to justify one's sense of humor, but here goes... Humor take a *little* subtlety. With the "eastbound" and "westbound" both on 9L, in addition to being incorrect (to cause a crash), isn't at all subtle.
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wrote in message >>You are cleared to land

Who could have seen you coming back with that line. Can we see a show of hands?

There you go again!
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wrote:

If the statement was so obvious that the answer was also, it was pretty stupid to make the statement, huh?

You like to be told the punch line before the end of the joke? Figures. No thought needed.
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It was a joke for God's sake.
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But he never did say what the wind direction was they he'd have two planes on 9L.
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wrote:

It was?
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I'll bet you're a blast at parties. Analyze a joke and offer tips to make it better. Nothing like being popular eh?
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Upscale wrote:

... and that's nothing like it. /Groucho
--

There is never a situation where having more rounds is a disadvantage

Rob Leatham
  Click to see the full signature.
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Really!? When will it be back?

I don't see that, can you explain?
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The runway number indicates the compass bearing in increments of ten degrees, e.g. runway 9 = bearing 90 degrees = due east, runway 18 = bearing 180 degrees = due south, etc.
Opposite bearings being 180 degrees apart, opposite-direction runway numbers are 18 apart, e.g. 9 and 27, 0 and 18, and so on.
At larger airfields runways often occur in left and right pairs designated xxL and xxR. 9L and 27R, and 9R and 27L, refer to the same strips of tarmac. The L and R switch places because what's on your left if you're heading east is on your right if you're heading west, and vice versa.
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snipped-for-privacy@milmac.com (Doug Miller) wrote in

This one just gets funnier and funnier!
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wrote:

Oh that really really really makes the joke funnier. ha, ha? ;~)
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For those of us that already knew how runways are numbered (SWMBO and her brother both are former military aviators, that's how I learned), it actually does improve the joke because there isn't a "hey, that's not how it works!!" moment interrupting the flow. OTOH, for those who didn't already know, and I suspect that's a large majority, adding the explanation would probably make it a lot *less* funny.
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wrote:>>

Yeah but! Now I know and still don't think it improves the the joke. ;~)
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