Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)
I've had a theory about small inanimate objects. The idea started coming into clearer focus as I got more and more into woodworking and small (relative to the Heavy Iron machines) inanimate objects began proliferating in The Shop. I put a tool or some other inanimate object down on a benchtop or shelf and when I go back to get it minutes, hours or days later - it's gone. When I don't need it, somehow it always manages to be in the way so I have to move it. But when I reach for it seconds later it has vanished, sometimes transported acrossed the shop and buried under other "stuff".
Now we all know that anything that can roll will. Has something to do with some guy named Newton. Why the inventor of the fig bar causes things to roll is a mystery to me but it's his fault that tools that can roll do. Anyway, anything with a cutting edge will, too often to be a coincidence, jump off a flat horizontal surface onto a concrete floor, almost always landing on the cutting edge or, worse yet - on the corner of the cutting edge - sort of like a cat landing on its feet or the jellied side of a piece of toast always landing jelly side down. Not only will they jump - they'll hide once they make it to the floor, usually under something heavy - AND - next to, on top of, or under something that bites or scratches and may or may not be venomous.
This is actually a corollary to my theory that all inanimate objects are very sensitive, insecure and have a self destructive streak. If they feel they've been slighted, or ignored for too long, they'll try to hurt themselves at the first opportunity. Two cast iron planes, placed feet apart will, for no apparent reason, inexplicably bang into each other, managing to chip off a piece of one or both or bend something that's suppose to be straight.
Understanding the psychology of your inanimate objects is the first step in getting them to cooperate with you and each other. You can reduce their insecurity by giving them a nice home - each a comfy place of its own - a place in a rack in a nice tool cabinet, a fitted resting place in a dovetailed drawer, for the really sensitive ones - a nice custom box, for carving tools - a snugly pocket in a tool roll as they seem more content amongst others of their kind. You will need to keep them separated or, like children in the back seat of a car during a long trip, they'll go into "He's touching me/ I'm not touching him!" or jostling and rough housing mode.
Be warned however, once each has a home YOU MUST return each to its respective residence. They can be very territorial and the last thing you want is for a war to break out In a wall cabinet full of sharp things.
Spend some quality time with each of them and make sure you're generous with compliments. "Now this is a wonderful tool - nice to look at, just the right feel in hand and it does its job better than any other tool in the shop!" "You're a joy to use!" With mortising chisels you should avoid terms like "pretty" or "beautiful". Try "Now this is a beefy SOB, a REAL chisel." With small paring chisels and japanese dovetail saws say things like "What an elegant tool, so delicate yet so effective." Or "DEADBLOW - a perfect name for a perfect tool!" When you get visitors to the shop brag about them a little, the tools, not the visitor.
NEVER get angry at a tool or cuss at it or call it names - unless the name is an affectionate one. If a tool misbehaves it's usually because of something stupid YOU did. Cutting tools WILL think that any blood loss or stitches are THEIR fault and that can lead to depression. Depressed tools don't work very well. If you get injured by a tool make sure the tool knows It was due to your carelessness or poor technique.
Start each day in the shop with a pleasant greeting "What a glorious day we're going to have." Visit with each one during the day, if only for a moment, and things will go a lot better. At the end of the day thank them and affirm their worth before turning off the lights.
And if you can, get some Camelia Oil, edged tools LOVE Camelia Oil.
charlie b
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How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a mystery.
Max
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Max wrote:
> How should you deal with electrical cords?
Go cordless and hoseless and etc,
Lew
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Max wrote:

Ah - the Electrical Cords Gordian Knot Creation Mystery - power cords which left unattanded will, in almost all cases, somehow find a way to tie themselves into knots which only The Alexander Solution can undo. The latter is not advisable, especially if one or more of said power cords is plugged into a hot electrical outlet.
Two solutions to avoid this phenomenon (sp?).
The first is the Festools Solution - one cord plugs into all their power tools that require 110V AC.
A cabinet maker friend in Bend, Oregon, came up with a less elegant, but considerably less expensive solution. He cut all the power cords on his hand held power tools to about 6 inches, too short to knot. He affixed a male plug, available in various forms from most hardware stores, to his short cords. One long power cord to where he's working and he can power all his hand held AC powered tools- with no knots. You only use one power tool at a time - normally.
charlie b
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charlieb wrote:

Not actually a problem. Said electrical circuit is normally polite enough to disarm itself after a few invigorating moments. If this does not actually start a fire, the circuit will normally be cool to the touch within minutes. This trait is most pronounced in lighting circuits pressed into extra duty.
Bill
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http://nmwoodworks.com/cube


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He didn't work for Black and Decker back in the '70s, did he?
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wrote:

I swear, my bench planes have been breeding. I can't remember buying more than a half a dozen, but I've got upwards of 40 of the damned things. Can't remember buying ANY #4s. I think they're a cross between my 3s and 5s.
Does anyone know where I can get them spayed before they take over?
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Father Haskell wrote:

Call L/N. He works his tail off making those things. I'm sure he'd pay good money if he can figure out how to just breed them instead. ;-)
Bill
--
http://nmwoodworks.com/cube


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Thanks Charlie. I'll be adding this to my collection. Very nice extension (corollary maybe?) of the theory of "The Innate Hostility of Inanimate Objects". AKA Resistentialism (http://wordsmith.org/words/resistentialism.html )
There's some history here http://www.masslive.com/weblogs/somegirl/index.ssf?/mtlogs/mass_somegirl/archives/2004_03.html
Art

<snip>
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Thank God I'm not to blame. Here I thought the disappearing tools were caused by my eye sight and old timers disease.
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On Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:19:36 -0700, charlieb
... snippety...

Dang, had to DAGS Camelia. Evidently protects against stretch marks from pregnancy?
http://www.timetospa.com/product.asp?category_name 3&product_id763&ParentOid8
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wrote:

<snip>
Stop procrastinating and get back in the shop to regrind the chisel you dropped.
-Leuf
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