Handyman Club of America Members, BEWARE OF Vonage!!!

I have recently discovered there is a plot afoot to undermine the efforts of the Handyman Club of America to provide the most tacky gift as temptation to convince you to send them money.
I would even go so far as to suggest the subversion is being planned and carried out by the Cabal, except that it would take a much more clever person than I to string together the circumstantial evidence that implicates the Cabal. The Cabal is much too sophisticated to be discovered by anybody less brilliant than say Hercule Pirot or perhaps Miss Marple. The Cabal is so subtle that we all know that there is no Cabal.
But I have proof that some sort of plot is afoot. Proof follows shortly, but I must digress for a bit.
I came home this afternoon after the local WW club meeting and casually stopped at my mailbox. Inside was a small package, tastefully decorated in the bright orange used in the most recent HCoA mass mailing, which generously added to my supply of glue spreaders by sending me a cream colored drill bit size gauge this time. I think I have 42 black ones, and now a cream one. An omen?
It was with some surprise that I realized THIS brilliant orange package was about half again the size of cassette tape box, as opposed to the 3 foot by 4 foot brilliant orange package HCoA recently used.
Well, sir, I must tell you I almost wet myself in anticipation of a gen-u-wine HCoA drill bit to go with all those glue spreaders, errrr.., drill bit gauges they have sent me over the years. In wild excitement I shredded the package getting it open. Inside, yes, inside, I found a folding rule made of brilliant orange plastic almost 1/32 inch thick and about as limber as my timber after spending a long, passionate weekend with Zelda the swamp nymph, but I again digress.
In awe at this high precision gift, I lovingly admired it and to my astonishment, discovered it was adorned with the Vonage name and logo!! Examining the shredded packaging further documented that this was sent by Vonage. I immediately realized that something was up. Who would try to be more tacky than the HCoA??
And then it struck me! A plot was afoot! You see, when I unfolded those three pieces of the rule, they measured exactly 12 inches, so obviously it was a foot.
Regards, Roy
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:)
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Roy wrote:

heh. heh. He said "12 inches."
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"Roy" told us this tall tale of the Handyman Club of America
We are indeed fortunate that you give us such detailed reports of these important events.
Could you tel us more about Zelda the swamp nymph??
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I've rested easier since Nowrecki arrived on the scene to deal with the cross posting spammers, identity spoofers and other computer geek denizens. Tom's recounting of Nowrecki's exploits are compelling reads.
Now, we have ROY (no not THAT Roy) to protect the sanctity of HCoA and the security of the resupply of glue spreaders. HIs account of his recent encounter with VONAGE rivals that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes cases. Surely these VONAGE villians dwell in a dark foggy moor, or a slime walled dank bricked subteranean bunker.
Look foreward to the next installment of this tale.
charlie b
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