HA: What Would Norm Do?

My wife <sigh>...
My wife is fond of springing last minute monumental efforts on me. "Honey, there's a full hour before the guests get here. How quickly can you build that Sun Room addition?" Or "Honey, I'll be home in 10 minutes. Can you re-carpet the basement and trench a moat around the house?"
This morning it was "Honey, I know you have to leave for work in twenty minutes, but can you build a kid's sized table?" It was her turn to host the Kid Fest, an event long known to her, but withheld from me until 7:11am the day of.
Still lacking coffee induced clarity, I now recall saying, "Maybe. Probably. Yeah, sure...".
Two hits of coffee later, the extent of the commitment sunk in. She was already out in the gara^H^H^H^Hshop, looking for suitable materials.
She, "What about this? It's nice and large -- a great table top!" Me, "That's my cross cut sled."
"Then what about this? It's pretty!" "That's $75 worth of Australian Lacewood."
Three minutes and some 1/2" Oak plywood scraps later my hopes of derailing this due to a lack of resources were dashed. There were 16 minutes left to make a table.
I took a few moments to try to collect my thoughts and come up with a design. The legs had me stumped for a few seconds. Then I decided that I could slice some plywood into 3" wide strips, and make L-shaped legs. A tug on the tape measure showed I had enough stock. The saw sliced, I had my legs.
Fourteen minutes remained.
Now, how to turn the strips into a L-shape? Glue, yes. Time to cure, no.
What to do? What to do? What should I do? What would someone do? What would Norm do??? WWND!?!
There are those rare moments of panic induced clarity. When room noise drops to a small hum, when the field of view becomes tunneled, when you can feel your heart slow in anticipation of the pending adrenalin inrush.
What would Norm do?
In my minds eye, I could see Norm -- no I could see his hands holding the Senco SLP20. And I could hear him saying, "... and a couple of brads 'ka-pop!', 'ka-pop!' to hold it until the glue dries."
With a monastic focus not seen since my rear wheel drive Toyota lost traction on snow packed Snake road - reflex took over. The brain switched off - the hands and feet moved on their own. I think my eyes might have been closed. I'm not sure.
Thirteen minutes.
Compressor on. Harbor Freight Brad Nailer, model 46309 located. 3/4" Brads found and loaded. Compressor still charging.
Twelve. C'mon, c'mon baby...
Charged. Go!
I'm telling you it was pure choreography! Proverbial poetry in motion - "slurp" went the left hand glue, "ka-pop" went the right hand nailer. "slurp", "ka-pop!", "slurp", "ka-pop!"
Legs assembled. Six.
Flip the table top, grab the cutoffs to use as blocking. More glue, two brads per block. "Ka-pop!"
Legs to blocks - glue, four brads.
Time? 7:27. It's going to be close! 120 Grit sandpaper knocks the rough edges down.
Done at 7:30.
I don't think the WWND epiphany hit until later that day. The kids had a popular rally around WWJD, and I believe we 'dorkers, when pressed, should follow their lead.
When you find yourself in times of trouble, when the last piece of stock you have is cut too short, when the glue's drying on the drawer and you see the drawer bottom still on the table saw, when your last 1/8" drill bit breaks off and the stores are closed, just ask What Would Norm Do?
WWND?
When I find myself in times of trouble, Master Carpenter comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom...
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ROFLMAO!!
mttt wrote:

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Fri, Jun 11, 2004, 3:27pm (EDT+4) snipped-for-privacy@donotuse.com (mttt) My wife <sigh>...
With me, it probably would have been sawhorses, and a sheet of plywood. No sawhorses? Cardboard boxes.
JOAT You know it's gonna be a bad day, when you turn on the news and they're showing escape routes out of the city.
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Sounds like you got a good idea for a bumper sticker there! :)

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mttt wrote: Snippage of hilarious story

I gotta get some bumperstickers made up. That was great, thanks. Dave in Fairfax
--
reply-to doesn't work
use:
daveldr at att dot net
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Hmmmm... a possible rec "classic"... very nice and very funny..
mttt wrote:

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Sounds like you did exactly what Norm would do ... except for the part about using a tool from Harbor Freight. <g>
Lee
--
To e-mail, replace "bucketofspam" with "dleegordon"



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Lee Gordon wrote:

you forgot - the quick pass through the 52", 3 drums, drum sander - biscuits, every six inches - a coat or two of quick drying dark cherry stain - a coat of poly applied with a nice wide foam brush
charlie b
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the
the
Kids... I would have told her to use the floor. It's a BIG table and food and drink have a shorter distance to fall to reach it!
John
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mttt wrote:

Curse you--now "What would Brian Boitano Do" from the South Park movie is playing through my head and I can't make it stop.
<snip>
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--John
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