finish carpenter

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a finish carpenter."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .. .
.
.
.
.
"What the f*** would they want with a finish carpenter??!"
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"jo4hn" wrote

tsk, tsk ... you should be ashamed!
<actually, pretty good one!> :)
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You are a very sick human, Jo8hn, Kudos!
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Jo4hn, I'm going to share that with my pet Woodduck when I get home. He does not have a good sense of hume but he is known to laugh from time to time. Marc (Having ducks as pets since 1989, having a real live Woodduck in his house since 2005!)
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Damn, it should have said "humor". I need a good proofreader here at work while I slack off reading RECDOT!
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marc rosen wrote:

Your woodduck should be able to do that kind of stuff just to earn his keep.     :-)     j4
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See if this helps with your symptoms:
Tips on Writing
One should never generalize. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren't necessary. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." Comparisons are as bad as clichs. Don't be redundant and don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. Profanity sucks. Be more or less specific. Understatement is always best. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. The passive voice is to be avoided. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. Who needs rhetorical questions?
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