Conan the Librarian...

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...in Mensa Madness. Two men entered the interrogation room. The redheaded man was confident in his demeanor, even though he looked like Howdy Doody; the other man was fat and bald, and thirty years out of vogue in a narrow collar and tie. The fat man spoke first, through gritted teeth, "I just want to kill the little dirtbag." The sweat leaked from him like water from a lawn sprinkler. "Take it easy," said the redhead. "Let's get him outta the cage." "Aw, geez, look at this," complained the fat man. He's already wet his pants, and I ain't even slapped him once, yet." "Well, get him a hanky," replied the redhead, "ya know I hate a bawl baby." "Now, Conan," crooned the redhead, "you're going to want to do yourself a favor here...you understand what I'm telling ya? You whine and I'll give ya the cheesee ta go with it. Ya understand what I'm telling ya? Your gonna want to be a squealer, here..." "Yeah, yeah," said Conan eagerly, "I can do that...I gotta 'puter all hooked up to the internet...I do it all the time." The fat man sucked air through his clenched teeth. "Gawd, I hate this little scumbag...let me smack him." "Now, take it easy," said the redhead. "Now, Conan, ya need to listen to me very carefully...are ya listening? Conan shook his head eagerly. On the other side of the room, the fat man could hear it rattle...he sucked air through his teeth, menacingly. "Now, listen, Conan," said the redhead. "Are you now, or have you ever been associated with or a member of that subversive group of arrogant genius known as Mensa...? "No, no, never," cried the Librarian in terror. "I swear somebody else got all them brains. I've never had an original thought, I swear...never." (Smack) "Look at the little scumbag," cried the fat man. "He's got a whole pocket protector full of them colored pens and pencils." "Now, take it easy, here," soothed the redhead. "Conan, we know that you've been passing yourself off as an intellectual...perhaps, you can explain why you have such incriminating evidence in your pocket?" "But, don't ya see?" cried the frightened suspect. "...I'm a librarian." (Smack) "So, you're a librarian, are ya?" demanded the fat man. "Don't ya know, you deprived some poor old spinster woman of her career...doin that." "I know, I know I did that," said Conan, groveling. "But, don't ya see? I wanted a job where my arbitrary authority would allow me to shush other people and say any fool thing that came into my head, and...and get away with it." (Smack) "I'm getting where I like smacking this little dirtbag," said the fat man conversationally. (Smack) "Now, take it easy, here," advised the redhead. "Conan is being helpful. Conan wants to help us. You do want to help us, don't you, Conan?" "Yeah, yeah, sure I do," said the librarian, eagerly. "I know some guys that misspell words...and a whole bunch of guys that post off topic. I gotta secret file on my 'puter..." (Smack) "Gawd, I hate this little twit. What's with this anal crap?" "Now, take it easy, here," said the redhead. "Now, Conan. You know that is not what we want...now, listen to me here, Conan. You know something, don't ya? And, I know ya want to help us. We're talking Mensa, now, do yourself a favor here. Come on, now, Conan, tell us..." The little librarian took on a crafty look. "What's in it for me?" "Well, Conan, I think ya know," said the redhead. "You get to take all those perverse little pleasures you enjoy, just like you like, without any recrimination...I mean, nobody's gonna smack ya...right? And, after all, it's only the internet...right?" "Well, heh, heh, heh..." chortled the librarian. "I might know something..." (Smack) "Gawd, I just want to kill this little scumbag." "Now, take it easy, here," pleaded the redhead. "Conan's gonna help us out, here. Conan? You know something about this Mensa group, don't ya? Come on, now, Conan...you can tell us." "Well, there's this one guy that's been hanging around..." "Yeah?" "Well, all I know is that he calls hisself D.A...but he's some kinda ringleader or something...I think." "What about this D.A., Conan?" "Well, he's got this mantra, ya know...like what is living trade...only, he's the only one who understands what he's talking about...ya know?" "Yeah, living trade? Go on." "Well, I know he's been using a thesaurus, ya see? He uses all these big words...and nobody knows big words without a reference book...don't ya see? I gotta whole shelf of them dictionaries and such at the library...but, I swear, I ain't never cracked one...I swear." "Yeah, okay," said the redhead, intensely. "What else do you know?" "Well, it's just..." "What, Conan?" cried the redhead. "Just what?" "Well, I just can't figure..." "Figure what?" shouted the fat man. "Well, I just can't figure out how he uses all them big words in sentences." (Smack) "Lock this twit back up," sighed the redhead. "We might have to go to chapter two..."
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<snippage of a mediocre, well hashed, good cop/bad cop story line>
Hmmm. And to think I'd been skipping the Living Trade thread. "Hold on a minute, please."
<quick scan of thread>

[ Hmm... I can't figure either. ]

"How" is not the inquiry, but "why" is.

Please don't.
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"mttt" wrote in message news:<p3j1o1-.
Let's see...you're the dope that needs advice on what tooling to buy to make your first frame and panel. Well, ya got all the sage amateur advice you need, so I won't bother you with anything professional... Except, building a good frame and panel is not just the tooling...you can make a frame with a fully raised panel on the tablesaw...and I didn't see any of the relevant engineering factors mentioned, so good luck. Maybe, you didn't know what question to ask; your other posts indicate you are virtually clueless.
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<yawn...>
Got a spot for you, right next to Dave in my killfile. Have a great life! See ya!
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He's probably just as broken up about your KF as I am...
dave
mttt wrote:

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hey clark...
fuck off.
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snipped-for-privacy@thanks.com wrote in message

And, you're the dope that thinks individual contribution to the trade is irrelvant...
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LOL!!
find yourself with a little bit of spare time DA?
Rob
--


http://www.robswoodworking.com

"D. A. Clark" < snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com> wrote in message
  Click to see the full signature.
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Context, Rob, just putting things in order.
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snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com (D. A. Clark) wrote in message

This is so funny on so many different levels, D.A. First of all, I must have really gotten under your skin for you to feel compelled to create this thread. Secondly, I would think that you would have something more constructive to do late on a Friday night. Thirdly, the content of the post says a lot more about you than it does me.
Speaking of the content -- if my 16 year-old daughter wrote this for school I'd have her re-do it. The good cop/bad cop routine is trite, and the librarian stereotype is so cliched as to be laughable. The structure is poor and the dialog is severely lacking. On the whole, about a D effort ... for a 16 year-old.
But that's OK. I understand that it must have been hard on you typing with only one hand. A friendly bit of advice: Next time you get an urge that you just can't control, relieve yourself *before* sitting down to the keyboard.
HTH. HAND.
Chuck Vance
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Conan The Librarian wrote:

    I think it's safe to say, as far as His Clarkness is concerned, creative writing is NOT a living trade.
Scott
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(Conan The Librarian) wrote in message:

Just as it was meant to be, ya boob, and ya fell right into it...grading my work...like the anal little twit, ya are...
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snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com (D. A. Clark) wrote in message
> (Conan The Librarian) wrote in message: > > > The good cop/bad cop routine is > > trite, and the librarian stereotype is so cliched as to be laughable. > > Just as it was meant to be, ya boob, and ya fell right into > it...grading my work...like the anal little twit, ya are...
If you start a thread with my name in the subject line in which you make fun of me personally, it's hardly anal to comment on it.
The mere fact that you started the thread in the first place says more about you than you realize. And it isn't pretty.
Chuck Vance Just say (tmPL) But I expect you knew that already as evidenced by your handwaving above.
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Conan the Librarian wrote in message:

All it sez, Conan, is I have as much right to post a topic for discussion as anyone else. If you want to know why I singled you out, above all others, just read your own postings on the original thread. You and anyone else can choose to participate or ridicule, that is your choice. Sometimes, ridicule and argument bring out the details I am looking for, sometimes not. I can sort it out for myself...and I don't care if you agree or understand my topic or not. So, it is up to you. Y'all can have a truce, or you can try to tweak the bear's nose, it doesn't matter; just know, the bear is known to be a growler. Thoreau said, "If within the sophisticated man there is not an unsophisticated one, then he is but one of the devil's angels...
On a woodworking related topic, perhaps you know of a definitive reference in support of spelling the engineering concept...carcase, as opposed to carcass. The former spelling coincides with casegood or casework in common usage; the later reminds me of a dead body. I have it spelled both ways in various publications, but find nothing definitive. I would also like the title of a concise tome on the said engineering subject, if one does indeed exist. daclark
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no wonder ever time I go to write "carcase" I'm never sure if it's right!! :) Glad to see someone else tangle with Chuck. He and I have never gotten on the same wavelength; a phenomenon that occurs between myself and the rest of the miscreants here.
dave
D. A. Clark wrote:

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Bay Area Dave message:
Well, Dave, did you want to commiserate...?
I was a hippy at Berkeley in the early mid-seventies...interesting times. Worked a shop in Richmond, on the north end of the bay; where I built the control and maintenance console for the kidney dialysis unit at San Francisco General; then, setup shop to remanufacture Victorian gingerbread for the historical preservation of bayside townhouses...had six bandsaws cutting corbels. Columbian Redbud was $150 per pound.
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Re-read the second clause above and think about its meaning. All will be revealed.
Chuck Vance Just say (tmPL) No, I said *think*.
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I think folks can think for themselves without you prodding them...
dave
Conan The Librarian wrote:

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http://tinyurl.com/256qs
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snipped-for-privacy@hotmail.com (D. A. Clark) wrote:

The right to post does not always mean it is wise, right or sensible to do so. In fact, it rarely does.
Freedom of speech really does prove that very few people have the wisdom to keep their mouths shut.
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