Checked my inbox for.... Neil Wheelchair jokes

How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?? The wheelchair floats to the top .
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Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was a man who got into a car accident.
He was soon rushed to the hospital. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed.
The doctor said, "He was going to be all right."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest.
The first has no arms the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first.
He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three goddamn years I've spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears, then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help.
It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him.
He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money.
The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair , Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not disabled ."
The boy replied,"I will be when my dad finds out whose life I just saved." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day a man is walking along the beach and sees a quadriplegic girl on the boardwalk, sitting in her wheelchair and crying.
He decides to be a good samaritan and asks her what's wrong.
She replies sadly, "I've never been hugged."
So he hugs the girl, which seems to cheer her up and he continues on his way.
The next day he sees the girl again, still sitting on the boardwalk and crying, so he asks her what's wrong and she replies, "I've never been kissed."
So, he kisses the girl dutifully and goes on his way.
The following day, he passes her again, and once again, she's crying and he asks her what's wrong.
She replies, "I've never been screwed."
So, the man wheels her down the boardwalk, pushes her off the pier and says, "Now, you're screwed!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do cripples make love? They rub their crutches together
:)
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In forth:

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I'm offended damkit.......I don't why, but I just am
Three women are sitting in the obstetrician's waiting room. All three are very pregnant and busy knitting baby clothes. The first woman stops knitting and reaches into her handbag, pulls out a handful of pills and swallows them. "Must have my vitamins," she says, "healthy pills for a healthy baby."
They all continue knitting for a while when the second woman stops,reaches into her handbag, pulls out a handful of pills and swallows them. "Must have my vitamins," she says, "healthy pills for a healthy baby."
They all continue knitting again, when the third woman stops, reaches into her handbag, pulls out a handful of pills and swallows them.
"Healthy pills for a healthy baby?" the first two women ask?
"No," she replies, "Thalidomide, I can't knit sleeves."
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[...]

ROTFLMAO!
What's life without a little humor, anyway? My niece has Down's Syndrome. My brother has a bumper sticker on his car that says "My kid has more chromosomes than your kid."
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Both of you guys are bad. But the jokes are good!
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Quite appropriate. Neil's holy grail against what is to him inappropriate humour will inevitably result in a backlash of it flooding this newsgroup. Can you spell "IRONY" Neil?
Don't think we've ever had someone present like Neil who is so out of touch with reality. Zero chance in hell of getting people to accomodate him. He's as much of an outcast in several other newsgroups as he is here. No surprise in that.
According to comments in other newsgroups, Neil is on a disablity pension while his wife works for Planned Abortionhood. Too bad he doesn't realize that he gives the disabled a bad name.
Guess Neil's mother went for an abortion at one point and they botched the job. Result? HERE'S NEIL.
:)
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You and the person that made those statements would have a wonderful life together.
He's as detached from reality, and disinterested in facts as you are.
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wrote:
This could result in a wheelchair... ------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Muslim mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
'This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.'
'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.
'He's a martyr now though,' the mother confides.
'Oh, so sad dear,' says the other.
'And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.'
'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born.'
'He's a martyr too,' says the mother quietly.
'Oh, gracious me... , ' says the other.
'And this is my third son, my baby, my beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18,' she whispers.
'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school.'
'He's a martyr also,' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says...
'They blow up so fast, don't they?'
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One of my absolute favourite jokes!
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